Dear Phyllis,
I really don’t know what to
say. It isn’t that I don’t have anything to write about, but to know how to
sort through so much material and share the main point is the problem.
I am back in Ikoma. I got back
here last night at the end of a very unusual odyssey. In retrospect it is hard
to know why I came from Thailand Sendai Sendai Sendai
One brother had come
especially from Haiti Bangladesh Sendai Sendai
Perhaps one of the biggest things
that came out of this trip was for the Lord to do a major work in my heart.
Roald Lidal and I had had been engaged in a heart-warming (in a negative way) correspondence,
and he had suggested that it would be best if I not come to NLL again. I
promised him that that was not on my itinerary, and I would not be stopping
there. But it had been two years since I had seen some very dear friends, and I
did want to, at least, say hello while I was in Japan Japan
I have said for years that
Neil Verwey is the most Christ-like man I have ever met. But Road Lidal must
come in very near the top of the list of the finest Christians I know. We had
had a very unpleasant correspondence, but – unlike me – he is the kind of man
who holds nothing in his heart. He was as warm and gracious as he could be, and
pleaded that I stay there. “He said, “Please, your old room is empty, and we
would love to have you stay there.” I had purposed that I would never again
darken the door of NLL, but after 20 minutes of the most genuine fellowship,
the Lord did a marvelous thing in sending a tsunami of His grace to clean out a
huge pile of rubbish in my heart. I still was reluctant to stay in my old room.
There was too much pain involved in staying there, but the Lord clearly told me
that that was His appointment. To my utter amazement I enjoyed sleeping two nights
in my old bed and had a wonderful time of devotions for the next two mornings sitting
in a special chair I had made for myself many years ago. I am astounded at the
ways of the Lord. It was almost like the Lord had sent me from Thailand
The first night I went out
with two couples who are very special friends. It just plain doesn’t get any
better. We laughed, cried, and rejoiced together for three hours over an excellent
meal. Oh my goodness, the Lord is good!
From there I drove up to my
old stomping grounds of Karuizawa. It was with great expectation that I began driving
around trying to contact my friends up there, but no one seemed to be home. I
had just the opposite success in Karuizawa of what happened in Hatoyama. This
is one of the greatest griefs of my life.
Forty one years ago a young
couple came out as missionaries to the Karuizawa language school to study
Nihongo (Japanese). We soon became fast friends and developed one of the
closest bonds I have ever had with anyone. The Rollins family was outstanding,
but Bob was a different type of a man. I always thought his heart was excellent
but he was the type of man that could best be described as having a few missing
parts. He had incredible blind spots. He could cause enormous problems without
ever realizing he had done anything wrong. Over the years, as we were very
close friends, I spoke to him about several things, but – in all honesty – he
just couldn’t see where he was wrong.
The first major nuclear was when
a lady came to me to tell me that she had been in sin with Bob. When confronted,
he was very frank about his failure. I thought that incident was handled quite
properly. They were sent home by their mission to be disciplined and put on probation
for one year. At the end of that time the home pastor recommend that they be cleared
to return to Japan Japan Mission
Then in 1998 a German
missionary called Roald Lidal one night saying that there was a terrible rumor
circulating in the German community about Bob Rollins, and he felt that Roald
must deal with it. Roald was komaru and asked me if I would help him. Together
we spent several days talking to several people. But in the process, a great
deal of old wounds came to the surface. Bob was told to go to counseling. He
was very honest and shared with the counselor facts about terrible failure he
had had over the years that had never come to the surface. The result was that
he was directed to return to the states immediately. I felt that everything was
dealt with properly up to that point. But then disaster struck. Bob went back
to the states, but made some further tragically bad moves which caused the
split of his family. The older children were more or less scattered. Two were
married, two were in college, and one was a missionary. Betty wound up staying in Japan
I have never figured out why,
but for some inexplicable reason Betty turned against me. She was a deeply wounded
wife, and I became devil #2. In spite of several really bad mistakes, the
Rollins family was extremely high profile missionaries and had done a
commendable job as missionaries. I was grieved that such well known missionaries
with such an outstanding testimony should suddenly be the disgrace of the
country. Having gone through the disintegration of my own family I was especially
anxious to see reconciliation in the Rollins family. But this is not to be.
While in Karuizawa I was able
to speak with, perhaps the most hopeful daughter, on the phone. It had been 13 years
since the last time I had spoken with her. I thought she might be the best one to
find a thread to lead back to reconciliation. She was polite, but I could feel
tension that she was not happy to talk to me. I asked if she would e-mail me.
But she honestly replied that she did not want to discuss anything of the past
that was so unpleasant in her memory. As far as I can tell, Bob has done
commendably well for the past 13 years. I have stayed in touch with him and,
in my estimation, he has done everything possible to redeem himself. I may be
mistaken but I believe he has kept himself pure for the past 15 years. But
everyone is “waiting for him to repent”.
I don’t know what more he can do. Everyone has their feet stuck in
concrete. Because I would like to see
Jesus honored with genuine forgiveness and reconciliation, I am a highly
undesirable character,
This is what the Gospel is all
about. Jesus came to reconcile us to God. And in the prayer that He taught us,
the only point that the emphasized was that we are to expect God to deal with us
with the same forgiveness as we extend to those who sin against us (Mt.
6:12,14,15). But in reality I have seldom seen bridges rebuilt. In the case of
ruptured relations, time is not a healer. Barring the miraculous working of the
Holy Spirit, in the vast majority of cases, time only hardens the resentment against
offenders. This is true of the Rollins family and it pains me deeply to again
find myself as persona non grati (unwelcome party), where once love and respect
was dominant. Everyone says they are waiting for Bob to repent, and they are
highly resentful of me for any attempt I make to see the family restored. I will
be very surprised if the end of that story will not be Bob dying by himself a
lonely man, and the rest of the family still grieving over bitter memories of
their husband and dad.
It has been an interesting
trip and the Lord is responsible for sorting out what He had in mind for this
time.
bill
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