13 May 2012
Dear Phyllis,
Five years ago the Lord gave me one of the great privileges of my life. There had been an incident here in Chiang Mai where a lady had shot and killed her husband. It was big international news. There was a buzz among missionaries wondering if there was any way someone could get into the prison to speak to this lady about Christ. My friend Scott Noble was working inside the ladies prison teaching English to inmates and saw Jeanna Crain every week. Of course, he tried to share with her about the salvation of Christ, but she was up to her ears in New Age and slam full of demons. For several months she would argue with him toe to toe. One day he told her the story of General Cha Dam (not the correct spelling) and that stopped her cold. She asked Scott, “Could you bring that man in here who knows General Cha Dam?”
General Cha Dam was the top North Vietnamese general who was responsible for the final assault on Saigon, and was in charge of the southern sector after the North Vietnamese victory. On Christmas day 2003, General Cha Dam had died of cancer in a hospital. He went out into eternity, met Jesus, and came back from the dead a healed, born-again, believer.
I was on blacklist in Vietnam at the time and couldn't get in there then, but three years later, when I got off blacklist, I did go to Saigon, and stayed with General Cha Dam for five days. When I first got there he said, “Bill, it is illegal for foreigners to stay in the home of citizens, but the police don't hassle me. We want you to consider this your home in Saigon.” He gave me a room and would knock on my door each morning saying, “Bill, your coffee is ready.” I would eat with him and fellowship with him each day. I heard his life story straight from his mouth.
The next week I went to the ladies prison with Scott and met Jeanna. She had argued with Scott but sat down like a little bird with her mouth open to listen to me. At the first meeting I sensed she had a serious problem with demons, and told Scott to get her a copy of Neil Anderson's, Bondage Breaker. She devoured that book in days, and asked Scoot, “Would you please have Bill to come in here and cast these demons out of me?” I did go with him the next week, and told her, “I can cast those demons out easily enough, but it won't do any good. They will come right back in. Your need is light.”
That started it. She was something like I had never seen in my life. What we did for the next three years was ridiculous. We stole the store in the ladies prison. I had no business being in there, but the guards let me in like I was the chief warden. Technically prisoners are only allowed to have one visitor a week, that they talk to through a glass divider for 15 minutes. Jeanna and I would sit at a table and talk like we were on a coffee shop for two hours. This let me disciple her and get her established in the faith. We had a rare opportunity. Jeanna had nothing to do each day but read the Bible, Christian books, and pray. She had zero responsibility for anything else. She is a highly intelligent woman, a avid reader, and had a capacity for spiritual truth that is extremely rare. Scoot kept her supplied with every Christian book he could find in the library. She devoured Christian literature, and within a short time was more knowledgeable than most pastors. She had a craving for the Bible, and was always full of questions each week when I would go with Scott for our weekly sessions. I don't know if I have ever seen anyone pursue Jesus with such intensity, and grow more in Christ than Jeanna.
Her husband was a cult leader, who was a horrible man, and she had six children. The only thing she did wrong was she should have shot him sooner, but the Lord will forgive her for that. The fatal night, he was at a restaurant with another woman. She confronted him, and a heated argument broke out. He pulled a gun on her. In the subsequent tussle he dropped the gun and ran. She picked up the gun and shot him. Because it was more or less in self-defense, the Lord was extremely gracious to her in giving her the miraculous sentence of only 3½ years in prison.
After Jesus took His place on the Throne of her heart, Jenna's passion was for the salvation of her children. Of course she wanted out of the slammer, but her whole goal in life was to be a Christian mother to her children. The court had given custody of the bottom five children to the eldest daughter, Angel, who was about 22 at the time. Angel did a commendable job in stepping up to the plate to be mother to the younger siblings. The Lord did another amazing miracle in that Angel got involved in a very good church in Canada, and was raising the other kids in church. This in itself was an amazing miracle. But Jeanna longed to get back home and unite the entire family around the Lord.
Christmas time, a year and a half ago, Jeanna was released and went back to Canada. But what greeted her there was worse than being in prison. Angel's heart was like stone, and refused to allow her mother to see her children. Jeanna has been fighting this battle ever since then. Recently she wrote me a letter that was heart rending. Last week I replied. Below is a copy of the letter I sent Jeanna.
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8 May 2012
Dear Jeanna,
Thank you for the long informative letter. It was one of the worst letters I ever read. Not the way you wrote it, but the contents of what you wrote are gut-wrenching. If I hadn't seen so much of life, your situation would make me question everything. To say I am bewildered is an understatement. I had such high expectation for you when you went back. But instead of going up, your portion in life has gone down. You were almost better off in the Institute where you could look forward to a fixed future. You had a date of release.
I was talking with a friend this morning, who was sharing with me two life shattering experiences he is going through. I told him the things in life that have amazed me the most about the Lord, is not the astounding wonderful things He does do, but the unbelievable things He doesn't do. When I was going through my hell 22 years ago , in my worst fears, I could not imagine things turning out as bad as they did. I said, it is impossible not to win. The character of God is involved in this, and it is impossible for things to go that far south. The more I prayed the worse things got. I saw things that blew my mind, and I still have no explanation for them today.. My friends had an International Day of Fasting and Prayer for the Cook Family. I thought if my friends can fast one day for me, the least I can do is fast three days. The results could not have been worse. The Lord knows.
From my perspective, prayer was worthless to counter-productive. Then the Lord spoke to me about Ps. 27:4 – “one thing”. I knew the one thing I was after was the salvation of my family. I decided to give that up, and seek the one thing that was David's goal – to behold the beauty of the Lord. So I quit praying for my family altogether. Much has happened since then. My prayers have never been answered. But, by quit praying for my family's salvation, I saved my own sanity.
I have no idea what, how, or when the Lord will answer those prayers. Reconciliation is impossible now. I have closed the door on any hope of reconciliation. I have no idea what the Lord will do for Rosemary, but I strongly feel He has pulled the plug on her, and her day of repentance has passed. Saul lasted 20 years after God pulled the plug on him. In cases like I had, there are extremely few that have a happy ending.
As for Angie, I wouldn't offer an opinion what will happen to her. The Lord may soften her heart and turn her around, or He may not. Why things have gone this way is a total bewilderment. It seems so utterly contrary to the character of God. But so do a lot of other things. The only thing I can suggest is, to give up on what you think God will do,and simply take hold of Jesus with both hands.
You are not alone in your bewilderment and disappointment. John the Baptist had a similar experience. He had every reason to have the highest expectations of Christ. What he preached in Mt. 3:7-12 was, there was going to be a house cleaning. The guys in the black hats were in bad shape. That never happened. The guys in the black hats won. When he got arrested, he felt it was impossible for that to turn out bad. But when Jesus did nothing, he began to wonder if he had made a mistake about who Jesus was. He sent his disciples to ask, “Are You the One, or should we look for another?” Jesus told them, “Go tell John what you see.” Then He added one more word - “And tell John, 'Blessed is he, whosoever is not offended in Me.'” (Mt. 11:6).
Martha and Mary had a similar experience when they sent word to Jesus saying, “Lord, he whom Thou lovest is sick.” (John 11). It was unthinkable that Jesus would not do something immediately. When He did come it was too late. Both of them said, “Lord, if You had been here our brother would not have died.” Mary was so hurt and offended that when she heard that Jesus had come, she wouldn't get out of her chair to greet Him.
If you are confused, at least, you are in good company. This is almost a sign of special approval. I would say that what Jesus is doing for you at the moment is a special act – in a highly negative way. He only meets out the most severe trials for His most favored loved one. Shallow people don't have problems like this. You are in a special category of a severe trial. That means you are special to Him.
I believe the greatest Christian of the 20th century was Watchman Nee. I believe that much of the present blessing in China can be traced to him. But he had the same dismal end as John the Baptist. He spent the last 18 years of his life in prison and never saw anything that would look like an answer to prayer. All this will wash out in eternity.
The very crucifixion of Christ was a micro cosmos of disaster. It was highly compressed in time; but if the resurrection had been extended 100 years, it would have looked like a terrible disaster. John the Baptist's suffering lasted a few weeks or months. Martha and Mary's trial was probably two weeks. Watchman Nee's hour of darkness was 18 years. Christ death was three days. Israels night has been 2,000 years. In time, these moments of desertion vary. But in eternity they all will look the same.
Dear Jeanna, all I can tell you is that, weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning (Ps. 30:5). There is no dark night that does not end with a morning. Jesus has seen your tears and He has put them all in His bottle (Ps,56:8).
Standing with you,
bill
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We all have our problems. Rom. 8:28 is still a fact, and, someday, all will end in the glory of God.
bill
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