10 November 2013
Dear Phyllis,
I cannot express how grateful I am to the Lord for what he has done for me. It is a fact that I am in a rare category of highly privileged people. I must be in the upper .01%. Joni Erickson Tada feels she is privileged in what the Lord has done for her in giving her such an unusual ministry, and Nick Vujicic must feel he is privileged. He has one of the most unusual ministries on earth. The Lord has not privileged me in giving me an unusual ministry, but he has privileged me by what he has done for me in my heart.
There is no doubt that I am the most privileged one in my high school class. No one can come close to the unusual life I have enjoyed, and very few are saved. But the three things for which am the most grateful are; #1, the Holy Spirit in my heart, #2, the Bible, #3, what the Lord has done in my heart over the years.
The great blessings for which I am the most grateful is the horrible hammering I have had for many years. Joni didn't enjoy breaking her neck. Nick didn't enjoy being born a stump without arms or legs, and I never enjoyed the painful loss I have repeatedly taken; but what that has produced is of unspeakable value.
Andrew Murray wrote his book, Absolute Surrender, on the phrase “ I am thine and all that I have”. He said, “If our heart will make this absolute surrender there is no end to the blessing which God will bestow upon us.” That is true – but to come to that point is no easy task.
I cannot recall a time since I have been saved where I got crossed-wire with the Lord; where I was determined to be, or to have, something the Lord did not want for me. But there have been many things where I could not honestly say, “I really don't care”. When I was in pilot training, I really wanted to be a pilot. It would be like death if the Lord would close that door. When I was flying, I really didn't want to give it up. I never wanted to leave Karuizawa. There has never been anything I desired more than my home on the hill in Karuizawa. I would rather die than leave. When I did leave, I would have preferred death. I never wanted to give up my house in Ikoma. That was the best house I ever had. Little can I express the anguish of losing my family. You might say you are holding something lightly in your hand, but when it comes to losing it, the pain is terrible. Now many many dusty miles down the road I can honestly say there is nothing I desire more intensely than the prayer, “I am Thine and all that I have.” I say this not out of a sense of deep dedication but as a simple selfish fact, there could be nothing in this world more wonderful than to be totally owned by Jesus, and to honestly say everything I have is His .
Gomen nasai about the New Covenant. I apologize for last weeks letter. I did so poorly, and was so embarrassed after writing it, I couldn't bring myself to reread it to see if it could be improved. What I had to say was good. But I utterly failed to get the point across that was burning in my heart. Let me try one more time.
I see as never before that the Covenant – both the Old and the New – are fundamentally the commitment to be God's people, and to have God as our God. I have said many times, this is marriage. God lost humanity in the Garden. He wanted it back. The only way He could get it back was by a marriage commitment. This is not a forced marriage, but a genuine desire to give ones-self to the other. God made a promise to Abraham that He would make his seed a great nation, but it was 400 years later that Israel had become a full blown nation of several million. He brought them out of Egypt, and took them to Sinai to make His marriage commitment with them. The Covenant was simply, “I will be your God and you will be My people” (Ex. 6:7; Heb. 8:10). You can't get it simpler than that. That was all anyone needed. What could you add to it? If God was their God, and He promised to love, provide, protect and bless; what more could you want? All He was asking of them was that they be good. Is it unreasonable that a man ask his wife not to run around?
By definition, a covenant is an agreement between two parties that is dependent upon both parties keeping their side of the deal. A failure on either side voids the agreement. The Old Covenant was wonderful. The only thing wrong with it was that there was no provision for Israel to keep their side of the agreement. And Israel didn't know their own heart. The Jewish history for the next 1,500 years proves what a dismal failure that covenant was. If there was to be a New Covenant the fundamental fact is that the New one must correct that which was lacking in the Old. You can make as many agreements as you want, but if that basic weakness is not fixed, there is no way that any amount of sincere promises will stand. The purpose of the New Covenant is not to trash the Old one but to make it work. This is the glory of the New Covenant (New Testament). Apart from Andrew Murray, I have never heard it expressed that way. But he is right! This is why I get so burned at this fire insurance religion. And there are very few people that see it this way.
Before I was saved I thought I could never be a Christian. I didn't want to get locked into some vow that would frustrate the daylights out of me. Who wants that? Who wants to make a promise to not do something that they crave to do? That's no fun. The thing that amazed me so much after Jesus took up residence in my heart was that, suddenly, the power of sin was broken. For the first time in my life I could comfortably be clean. I had a lot to learn about myself after that, but the blessing of the new-birth was demonstrably mine.
Singha, of the school, continues to be a huge blessing to me. I have no idea how he got saved, but there is little doubt but what he is the Lord's now. I have mentioned him to you almost every week. He is just like watching a new baby come to life. One of the first things that turned him on was when I prayed for him, and the Lord healed his shoulder. He said, “That is a miracle!” After that was when he discovered the Bible. It is a huge blessing to see him take hold of the Word. He loves the Bible. Without anyone telling him what to do he has naturally established a walk with the Lord where he is growing by himself apart from religious props. He doesn't know the word devotions, but effectively what he is doing is having devotions every night. Everyday he is all excited and anxious to talk with me about what he read the night before. I have been more or less giving him assignment on what to read next. He is devouring the Word biting off 5 or 6 chapters a night. He loved Mathew, John, Acts, Genesis. He read the first 6 chapters of Daniel.
The other day I told him to read 1st John. The next morning was terrible. He said, “Oh it was awful. I don't understand it. I got a headache and couldn't sleep”. I asked, “What didn't you understand?” “Why does the Bible say, 'Love not the world'?” Then I thought, “Oh, now I know.” I told him, “Your problem is vocabulary. There is a lot of new vocabulary that you must learn. You don't know about the world, the flesh, and the devil.” Then I began to explain to him what the Bible means when it says the world. We went over to 1st John 2:16 and read what the world was. Man howdy, it was fun to watch the lights come on. His face lite up and he exclaimed, “I see! I see!” I had him go back to John 16 and read how the Holy Spirit would teach him. He was really on board. He said, “Yes! I know lots of things now that I didn't know last year.” He sees how the Holy Spirit has revealed things to him that he can't explain to others. Then he joyously said, “I have the Holy Spirit.” He held out his arms; they were covered with goose bumps again. I almost got goose bumps talking to him.
The Lord has been especially good to us. Over a week ago I went to the ATM machine to get some money and was greeted with the words that my ATM card was expired. It could be as much as a month before we will be able to get any money out of our account in Japan. The biggest immediate problem I had was a leaking hose in our house. The Thais have the best toilet paper system in the world. Like many nations, they don't use toilet paper. I many places in SEA they have a bottle beside the toilet and you have to pour water on your rear and wash yourself off with your left hand. (You never hand anyone anything with your left hand.) But in Thailand they have a hose beside the toilet that sprays a strong jet of water on your rear. This is very sanitary. But our washer hose was leaking badly. I needed to buy a new hose; but now we had no money. I thought all I could do was turn the water off to the house everyday, and only turn it on when we needed it. It looked like a long grim month in front of us. But that night a dear brother, who didn't know I couldn't buy a hose, showed up with new one and fixed it. I couldn't tell him what a miracle he was to us.
The next thing was the first day we had no money for food, Pammy's sister came to stay with us, and bought all our food for five days. She was just saved three months ago and is doing extremely well with the Lord. It was a blessing to have her with us, and we were especially grateful that she paid for all our food.
The third miracle was that Singha gave me 3,500 baht ($117) for our house rent. That was a miracle. I teach for free and he knew nothing about our furnaces. I was conflicted as to what to do with the money. There were several things we needed more than rent. Rent could wait but these other things couldn't. Should I use the money for emergencies or use it for what it was designated? Finally I determinedly I would not use it for anything other than rent. I told Pammy to pay the rent and not use it for food. Pammy has a serious thyroid problem. The doctor told her it is a wonder she hasn't had a heart attack or some other related problem. But it is bad. She went to the hospital and came back to tell me she had to use some of the rent money for the hospital and medicine. I gave her a C. She did the wrong thing in not obeying me, but did the right thing in being honest about what she did. I still don't know the answer to that problem. I'm sure it would be 50-50 among Christians as to what to do, and I am sure Singha would have no problem if I told him where some of the rent money went.
But I purposed that I would not eat anything that was purchased with that money. I thought I would go without supper that night – and quite a few meals after that. But at 4:00 that afternoon a brother came by and gave me $100. Supper was especially good.
But then the capper. Right now when we couldn't get more broke, another brother came by to give me an I Pad. It is not an Apple. It is a Thai version, but it does everything an Apple does. I was reduced to silence and tears. At a time of extremely tight finances the Lord gives me such a luxurious gift. Man howdy, do we love that I Pad! Here we are, we have no source money, the rent is paid, we are eating every day, and the Lord spoils us with expensive things that I wouldn't buy for myself, even if I had the money.
Pammy is doing commendably well. She seems like a new person. It appears the Lord has done something in her heart. I don't know what her game plan was, but for two years it seemed that she had no intention of being a scriptural wife. She was doing everything totally on her own, and was worse than a single girl. But now she is conducting herself very much as the Bible says. She has not had a major failure since being back. She has more of a servant heart and it is a blessing to have her home.
Our Father has made a covenant with us and Jesus is fulfilling it in us daily. Praise God! bill
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