Blind Spots

4 May 2014

Dear Phyllis,

The other night Paul was over for a very important talk. Paul is a first-class confronter, which is a good spiritual gift. We need people who can speak to us about our problems in a way that is helpful; and Paul is good at that.

Blind spots are a huge spiritual problem. I believe it is safe to say that we all have blind spots that are obvious to everyone around us, but we can't see the egg on our face ourselves. If we want to get the egg off our face, it will take others to tell us about it. Unfortunately, this is seldom successful.

When confronted by others about serious blind spots, there are generally two reactions. If a person is phlegmatic, it is possible to hit them with a fence post and they just don't know what you are talking about. If they are choleric, it is common that they will become defensive and attack you. I knew a brother in Japan who had terrific blind spots that were causing terrible pain to a number of people. He had seriously misjudged a lovely person and unjustly disciplined him. People who knew the facts better, went to this brother to explain what happened. The result was a fierce attack on anyone who criticized him. One night they had a break at a prayer meeting where everyone in the room was in tears pleading with the Lord. They were pouring out their heart to the Lord. Later I said to the missionary. “I heard you had a break at the prayer meeting the other night. To my surprise, a grim look came over his face and he replied, “That was the devil.” The problem was they were praying about their frustration with him.

The other night Paul said, “Do you realize how badly you hurt Mike at the prayer meeting this morning.” No, I honest;y had no idea there was a problem. Paul went on, “Did you notice after your discussion with him, he never looked at your face one time for the rest of the morning; and while you were praying he got up and left?” I noticed he was gone when I finished praying, but I wasn't aware he didn't look at me. Paul said the other fellows were all talking about it after I left and they all felt I was seriously wrong. Intellectually, I don't see a thing I said that was not correct, and anyone who questions me is wrong. That is a pretty good indication that I have a blind spot. But how you correct that is still a mystery to me.

Joe Carroll used to say, “The devil will always get you one your strong point. He won't challenge you on your weak point but make you go eccentric on your strong point.” In Japanese sumo wrestling there are two tactics. The name-of-the-game is to push the other fellow out of the ring. But the opposite tactic is, when he charges, just step out of the way, and help him fall flat on his face in the ring. That is why the person that I need the most is the one who disagrees with me. I need the balance.

In my heart, I couldn't see where I was wrong at the prayer meeting. But there is such a thing as to be intellectually right, but spiritually wrong. If Mike was hurt, the only thing I see that I did wrong was to be insensitive. I have had others deeply hurt me where they thought they were right and I can identify with being hurt by insensitivity.

Mike's wife died of cancer two years ago. He took it awfully hard. I don't know if he ever got over her death. I hadn't seen Mike in nearly a year, but heard that he had a terminal illness. Sherry is buried here in Chiang Mai, and I heard that Mike wanted to go to be with the Lord while in Thailand so he could be buried with her. At the prayer meeting Mike was sharing with us about his lung disease. I responded like it was a good thing. Oddly enough, no one agreed with me. Then I said, “In Japan, with the Kichijoji believers, if someone goes to the hospital and comes home with the report that they have cancer, the common response is, Congratulation”. The men thought that was very inappropriate. They said is not congratulation when you hear you are sick and going to die, but I think it is. Am I wrong?

What is so horrible about going to heaven? Is it a bad thing that we must leave this world of pain and sorrow to go to paradise? For the unsaved, they have every reason why they should dread death. If I was hanging over the pit of hell, I would fight for my life to stay here one more second. For someone who has no assurance of salvation it would be a frightening experience to go sailing out into eternity not knowing where you are going to land. I agree death is not a welcome event. But for a Christian what is wrong with finishing your course, and going to see Jesus and your loved one who have preceded you?

A year ago, Noi, the wife of my dear friend John, called saying he was dying. We went immediately. When I went in his bed room, it was obvious I was at a death scene. John was lying there emaciated with cancer; he was conscious but past talking. When I saw him I said, “Well, John, this is the day. Congratulation, you are number one in line. This is the moment you have been walking towards all you life.” He didn't like that greeting. He was past talking, but his eyes flashed with anxiety and fear. In Paul's words, “He was fighting for his life, and didn't appreciated someone coming in there saying, 'Congratulation, you are going to be dead soon'.” Paul said, “If that had been me, I would have got out of bed and slugged you”. As it turned out, John didn't die that day but the next day he seemed to be more resigned to what was happening, and later passed peacefully from this body to wearing one far better.

In Mike's case the doctor told him that he has a grim future as this lung disease is not a real good way to go. I can see that that would be no picnic. Dying a hard death is certainly nothing congratulatory. But you would think he would be grateful for anything that would unite him with his wife.

I had the privilege of preaching my mothers funeral. It was like being at the Olympics. Oh my goodness, what a finish! The last several years of her life she ran like a champion. She was going full bore to the wire. What a legacy! All we could do was celebrate. Paul said, in the Scripture funerals are no celebration. That is true. Joseph wept over his father (Gen. 50:1). Devout men made great lamination over Stephens funeral (Act 8:2). For we who are left, there certainly is great sorrow. I greatly miss John. I miss Neil Verney. I miss a vast number of my friends. But if someone gets a promotion to work in an office higher than me, is that a bad thing?

Undoubtedly, I am too far over on one side of this picture. Mike was deeply offended and the other brothers all thought I was badly out of line. There is such a thing as identifying with the feelings of others. Jesus told us to weep with those who weep. He certainly did that at Lazarus' grave. When Jesus got back to Bethany, and was greeted by that horrible death scene, He didn't show up with balloons and whistles saying, “Whoopee! Hey gang, what is all this commotion about?Lazarus will be back here alive in ten minutes.” He did rebuke the crowd in Jairus' house when He got there to bring his daughter back from the dead. When the little girl died, they had hired the professional mourners to come and make mourning for the girl, and Jesus rebuked them by saying, “Quit it!” (Bill Cook translation) (Mk. 5:39). But His attitude was different at Lazarus' grave. What a horrible scene. Martha and Mary were devastated. They had such hopes that Jesus would get there and heal their brother. But He didn't show up, and their brother had died. Their grief was tremendous. Jesus would have been totally out of place had He said, “Cheer up. Your brother is going to be alive soon.” He was highly sensitive to their emotions, and so deeply identified Himself with them that He too burst into tears (Jn. 11:35).

Maybe this is the chief point. Maybe it isn't a matter about who is right and who is wrong. Maybe the Lord would rather we be concerned about the heart of others than winning an argument. But sometime there is no cure for blind spots because we earnestly believe we are right.

One time I had a serious go-around with Neil Verwey. To this day, there is no way I can see how Neil got to the ridiculous position that he held. When we first came to blows over this issue, I was stunned that a rational man could think such a ridiculous thing. The more we argued the madder I got. Finally I said, “You are the most hard-hearted, legalistic, bird I have ever met in my life. I would rather deal with the devil than with you.” Neil replied, “The money isn't the issue. I will be glad to pay the difference, but in my heart I believe you should pay it.” That was the problem. In his heart he earnestly believed he was right and I was wrong” The argument went on for a month. At the end of the month I took the money and went to the JM (Japan Mission) headquarters to pay what Neil felt I owed. He refused and pleaded, “Bill, please let me pay it.” But in his heart he had never changed his position that I was responsible. Man howdy, did we go around. Finally Neil pleaded, “Let's pray.” “NO!!! We are not going to pray until we get this settled!” That was impossible. There was no way of ever resolving this dispute where Neil honestly felt his position was the correct one. At last Neil got out of his chair and crawled across the floor on his hands and knees lying flat on the floor with his head on my feet weeping. I came out of that chair like it had been an ejection seat and hit the floor with Neil. We started to pray. We payed back and forth. I never prayed such a holy prayer in my life. I couldn't think of a thing more to say. Neil wailed, “Lord, my heart is breaking. I long to hear Bill say, 'I forgive you'.” What are you going to do after that? I can't remember, but I will never forget how the rug was soaked with tears where we had been praying. We got up off the floor, hugged, and – for the life of me – I couldn't recall what the problem was why I was there. Neil walked over to table, picked up the money, and said, “Please take this home.” My heart sank and I groaned, “Neil, please let's not start that all over again.” Then Neil did something heroic. He quietly took the money, and that was the end. Of course Neil has given me that money back multiple ten times over, but I am sure to his dying day he still felt he was right.

Blind spots are a very serious problem. Some may be easy. If we have bad breath, perhaps we should just accept the correction of others and change our tooth paste. If it is a misunderstanding, perhaps a little honest exchange may clear things up. But there are disputes where we sincerely feel our position is correct, and it would be a denial of truth to change. At such times maybe we should be more sensitive to the emotions of the other person and try to see the problem from their perspective. If their emotions are illegitimate, I don't know what to do.

Of course I am right about death. What is wrong with going to heaven? What is wrong with saying, “Praise the Lord, brother, you are going to see your wife soon.”? But Mike was deeply offended by my remarks Wednesday. Of course I will be glad to apologize to him. But my problem of being insensitive to the emotions of others is a serious one. I really need the Lord to help me here. Lord, help me to love and accept others as You do. Thank God for Paul being so honest with me.

Have a good week serving Jesus,

                                                               bill