14 September 2014
Dear Phyllis,
Last week I had an unusual letter from my dear friend Cy Winskell. In response to what I had to say in my letter last week Cy had one word – “AMEN” I think that was the most expressive letter I have ever received. Perhaps I struck a nerve. At the close of Cy's letter he wrote “Ps. 27:4”.
That is a tremendously significant verse, as that has been my life verse for over 50 years. I am sure I wrote you how the Lord woke me up in 1992 by saying, “You have been talking about Ps. 27:4 for 30 years, but you have never practiced it. That one shocked me. For the previous three years I had been storming heaven daily trying to save my family. Bewilderingly, the more I prayed, the worse things got. I could have been the key note speaker at an atheist convention. Then the Lord told me to change my “ONE THING”. Up until then my “one thing” had been the salvation of my family. That didn't work. Then the Lord suggested, “Why don't you try beholding the beauty of the Lord?”. That was something radically different – so I did. I would get up at 3:00 AM, get a cup of coffee, and just sit for hours praying about nothing, but just gazing on the beauty of the Lord. It sounded great with one minor flaw – I didn't see a thing. That brought me face to face with a lot of serious issues of reality and honesty. My plight boiled down to 4 basic questions.
- Are you supposed to see something?
- What are you supposed to see?
- How do you see it?
- And if you don't see it – why?
Many years later, I now know the answer to all four questions. I have written all this to you before, and I won't go into details today, but just pick up one a couple of points.
Point #3 is how do you see it? That was a surprise. Having chosen Ps. 27:4 as my life verse, I had preached on it several times. I told my listeners, “You just sit quietly before the Lord and imagine Jesus sitting on the Throne with millions around Him worshiping Him.” Nice try, but I was dead wrong. The thing the Lord showed me in 1992 was that there is a profound difference between imagination and revelation. Imagination is something restricted to the confines of your own mind. Revelation is something that comes to you externally that you can't think of. You are not beholding the beauty of the Lord by imagination. The only way possible to behold the beauty of the Lord is by the revelation that comes only by the Holy Spirit. That was a big one.
But the 2nd point of “what are you supposed to see?” was equally surprising.
Todd Bentley and Bob Jones (not BJU Bob Jones) have been in heaven many times and seen Jesus. They have talked with Abraham, Paul, and several other celestial celebrates. They have told us what Jesus looks like. Todd Bentley used to have seminars on how to access the spirit world so you can see Jesus. He said Jesus was handsome. He had long wavy blond hair, a massive 48 inch chest and huge 36 inch biceps. Five years ago Todd Bentley was having historic meetings in Lakeland, Fla. Charismatics were going bonkers. They said this was the greatest out pouring of the Holy Spirit since Azusa Street in 1906. The only problem was that it was later revealed that during this time of Todd Bentley's historic meetings, he was having an adulterous relationship with another women and later divorced his wife. So much for Todd Bentley. And the Jesus he saw was much different than the one John told us about in Revelation. John said He was as a Lamb slain from the foundation of the earth (Rev. 5:6). Jesus is called the Lamb 30 times in the Book of Relation and His Name Jesus appears only three times. I don't know what Jesus Todd Bentley and Bob Jones were looking at, but I strongly suspect that it was not the authentic Jesus John told us about.
Or in other words, “What are you supposed to see?”. If I understand the teaching of the Holy Spirit correctly, the beauty of the Lord is not His physical appearance but His character. This is what makes Jesus beautiful. So if I want to see the beauty of the Lord I must look at His character. Recently I wanted to look at the beauty of the Lord and decided to look for it in the Song of Sol. I was surprised to discover there is only one place with six verses that describes the beauty of Jesus in the S. of S., but it is filled on every page with Jesus raving about the beauty of the Bride. I told the Lord, “That isn't fair. I am not interested in the beauty of the Bride I want to see Your beauty”. Then, in response to my complaint, the Lord showed me that He devoted four Books sharing with us the beauty of Jesus (the gospels). Okay, the Lord won that argument.
But last week in my letter I said, “I have seen the Lord”. I thought a great deal about that at that time, and since then. When did I see the Lord? The answer to that question is not a very satisfying one. So much so, that I wonder if it is even legitimate. But the times that stand out the most in my mind when I have seen the Lord are in unusual meetings.
In 1973 the Lord gave me the most unusual group I have ever enjoyed in my life. Pam and Perry Sanders invited me to come to their home in Simpsonville, SC for a home meeting. That developed into the most wonderful time of my life. For a year, every Saturday night about a dozen of us would gather at Pam and Perry's house, and the presence of the Lord was so strong no one wanted to go home. Those meetings were indescribable. Ricky Smith would pick his guitar, but it didn't sound like a guitar. It sounded like Gabriel had brought the top musician of heaven to strum a harp singing heavenly music for us. I can't recall what we did. I know it was a Bible study that I taught, but we would sit there for four hours bathed in love that you could put in a bottle. I saw the Lord there in Simpsonville like I have seen Him in few other place.
I saw the Lord in Kobe, in Sister Koyama's apartment. About a dozen of us would gather on Sunday morning for a dull Kichjoji meeting. We would sit on the tatami with no leader singing traditional hymns out of the Japanese hymn book, but tears would pour down our faces as we sang of Jesus. Jesus Himself indeed was with us in those meetings.
In the New Beginning Church, in Higashi Yoshino, Nara, there was a fine Christian family. But the Lord suddenly took the young mother leaving behind three fairly young children, ranging from 7 to 12 years old. They were as beautiful a family as you will ever see anywhere. It was gut-wrenching when the Lord took the mother. I happened to be there the Sunday they had a memorial for Michiko. That was something like I have never seen before or since. During that meeting they had dancing. I sat there numb as I watched the bereaved husband and the three children dancing before the Lord with the glory of God on their faces that mommy was with Jesus. My legs refused to hold me up. I sat there sobbing deeply. The distance from earth to heaven that day was about 10 to 15 meters (45 feet). I could see Michiko in heaven and I knew it was only a very short time before the entire family would be united again. Never was the glorious salvation of Jesus more real. Oh, I mean to tell you Jesus was there.
I have been in meetings in Laos where the presence was so powerful I couldn't stay on my feet. I could only sit and sob as those Lao believers sang of our marvelous Savior.
Yes, I have seen the Lord. What did He look like? It wasn't what he looked like, but it was His presence. Fortunately, those are not just a few isolated incidents. It is not an uncommon thing for Pammy to come out on my balcony where I meet with Jesus and find me weeping. Pammy will ask, “Bill, are you all right?” “Yes, I am fine, but I am speaking with Jesus.” Oh how my heart burns! Oh how the Word just glistens! Oh how wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! how indescribably wonderful Jesus is! How can you describe it? How can you express it? How can you thank Him? He is utterly beyond words.
For those who look for physical things; for those who look for things that you can describe or teach, they will be disappointed. But for those who long to know the Lord; if you seek Him you can find Him. I have.
That is the good news. Physically I am in an unusual doldrums of life. Three and a half months ago I suddenly aged 40 years. Before then I would fight with anyone who suggested I was over 38 years old. Today I feel every bit of 78. I have lost weight. Physically I have seriously changed. I look much older. My skin texture has always been tight. Now I look like an old man. A month ago I said I had recovered about 70% of my strength. I am still at the same place today. My right arm is seriously restricted as to its mobility. There are a lot of things I can't do.
But it is not my physical disability that is my greatest concern. Daily I wonder, “What in the world am I doing here?” Apart from teaching at the kindergarten 30 minutes, four days a week, there is not a blessed thing I do except sleep and look at my computer. If the Lord is through with me, I would be grateful if He would take me out of the way. I have a great deal of experience. I basically know the Bible. I have a lot of interesting stories to tell. But there is not a person or a church in America, Japan, or Thailand that is interested in hearing anything I have to say. The only window I have in my cell is writing to you a brief letter each week. I would be in Pakistan or west China this afternoon if the Lord would send me. Pammy says we are waiting for something major to break. Perhaps. But in the mean time I am chocking on the dust sitting here on the shelf.
Pammy continues to be a bewildering phenomenon. I don't know what is going on. It seems that she had an unusual encounter with the Lord about two months ago. I'm not sure that encounter is the right word, but something unusual started to change inside her. I was highly skeptical. But this transformation seems to just keep going on. She is a very spiritual woman. That is, she has a lot of dreams and, visions and puts heavy credence on these spiritual impulses. This is both good and bad – but generally more bad than good. But I must admit that the overwhelming bulk of things she keeps coming up with recently sounds very much like the Holy Spirit to me. Until recently her attention span was about 3/8 of an inch. For three years it has been virtually impossible to have a conversation with her. But now we can sit for an hour or more discussing the deep things of the Lord. The other night she asked me to explain the difference between the Old and the New Covenant. As I was explaining this to her, suddenly shock ran across her face. She gasped, “I see it ! I see it! For years I have wondered what that was, but now I see the difference!” Seldom have I seen anyone experience such revelation of the Holy Spirit as I was teaching them. She has a serious thyroid problem that also affects her eyes. The other night she came home ecstatic screaming, “I'm healed! I'm healed! Jesus has healed me.” Four days before then she had quit taking pills that have been the main support of her life. Now it looks like the thyroid problem is gone. Today she said, “Not 100%”. We''ll see. But generally I am very encouraged.
There is no question but what Jesus is on His horse and will be here in a matter of hours. How can this world hold together much longer? Oh, to have our lamps well trimmed, full of oil, and burning at 1,000 candle power.
Arigato gozaimasu (Thank you) , bill
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