PB letter
1 May 2016
Dear Phyllis,
The weather cock is swinging wildly. A month ago I was on my way one way for an extended time in the states. Now I am on my way back to Thailand. It is difficult to assess this trip. In one sense it looks like a fools errand and a big waste of money. It had been nearly seven years since the last time I was in the US and I had been looking forward to getting back. This has been anything but fulfilling my desire to see old friends. Virtually, I accomplished next to nothing of what I intended.
My reason for leaving Thailand was because Pammy had given every indication she had pulled out of Chiang Mai and was moving back to her previous home in Lampan. She talked about having a large plot of land, a building, and a small group of believers to minister to there. She talked hopefully that I would go with her and help in the ministry. I thought if this is what she feels the Lord would have her do, God bless her, but the Lord had said nothing to me about Lampan. I might as well return to the states.
Since then several things changed in the scenario. One major factor was the wind changed direction in Lampan. Pammy felt that the Lord was not directing in that direction after all, and came back to Chiang Mai. More than that she took in a 5 year old girl to be our daughter and wrote, “Please come home and help me take care of our daughter.” As I have said many times, I believe fanatically in the permanence of marriage. I took a vow five years ago to be a faithful husband, to love, provide, and protect my wife. That has never changed. If she wants to hang in there I have no option other than to fulfill what I promised to her and God.
But beyond that I was surprised at the reception I had in America, After spending a few days with my niece and her family in LA I was planning on going directly to see John Cathcart in Montana. I actually had a ticket to fly there when John wrote me that he would be out of town until the middle of May. That was the first and largest road block. I really wasn't planning on seeing my dear friend Russ O'Quinn but when they learned that I was in LA (Granada Hills) they said they were making arrangements to take me up to their place in Tehachapi, about two hours north. With no other place to go I gratefully accepted their invitation and spent two weeks with them. They are a wonderful couple and very hospitable. They offered to let me stay as long as I wanted. But living indefinitely in someone else's house doing nothing is not a good expense for a servant of God. With Montana out I was frozen for any further travel in America. Had that been open I certainly would have been on the road. That left little option but to return back to Granada Hills. But there were a few basic reasons for getting back there.
One was an auto harp. I have played an auto harp for 50 years and it had been a major part of my life. But my auto harp had gone south several years ago as the felts were worn out and the key bars stuck. I hoped to get my auto harp fixed in the states and the Lord worked it out to give me a beautiful new one. This is one major reason for coming back to the states.
But the most significant one is a major burden I have had for many years to see about a Chinese/Arabic New Testament for the Back to Jerusalem workers. When I first went to Japan in 1958 an English/Japanese NT was the most basic tool missionaries had. Everybody had one and with that a missionary could win souls the day they got off the plane. Just look up the verse in English you wanted to show to a seeker, point to the Japanese, and say “Yonde kudasai' (read this). I have felt for years that something like that would be tremendously helpful for Chinese workers in Islamic countries. I had asked around is various places and found no evidence that this bilingual NT had ever been done.
After getting in Granada Hills I was able to contact Peter Xu's office. Peter Xu had been the leader of the largest house church group in China, and is the #1 man in the Back to Jerusalem movement. He was mentioned prominently in Paul Hattaway's classic book the Heavenly Man; the story of Brother Yun. It had a great desire for many years to meet Peter Xu. I learned that he was out of China and living in LA. When I contacted his office, his son, Ryan Xu, answered my email saying his dad was in Colorado Springs. For a week while I was in Tahachapi I tried unsuccessfully to get in touch with Brother Xu. Finally I decided, “Hang it, maybe it would be better to talk with Ryan. Shortly after getting back to Granada Hills I was able to get in contact with Ryan and spent an epic two hours with him last Wednesday.
That might have been the most significant moment of my life. My time with Ryan was totally beyond anything that I had prayed for or expected.. We had a fabulous time together. Seldom have I met an man with whom I was more one heart. He was very excited about my suggestion to print a bilingual Chinese/Arabic New Testament. For the life of me I can't imagine why someone hasn't done it before now. Ryan said they had a man in Egypt who could do the lay out. This is perhaps the biggest problem. Peter Xu is easily the top man in the Back to Jerusalem movement. To be able to get in with them is the most privileged position I have ever had in my life.
As it turned out it was much better talking with Ryan than with his dad. Peter Xu is very limited in his English and any discussion would have to be through an interpreter. Ryan's English is superb. In talking with him I felt I had a relationship with a close friend. And he is the man who runs the nuts and bolts of the BTJ movement. His dad does the speaking but Ryan handles the details. When we parted Ryan said he wanted to help me with some money and asked how he could do it. Going through my niece Pam was the easiest. The next day I was utterly dissolved when Pam handed me a check from Ryan for $777.77. When I saw that check I let out horrendous groan and burst into tears. There is no way I can describe what that check did to me. Had he given me $50 I would have been very humbled and grateful. But $777 was something totally beyond anything reasonable. Not only was the amount staggering but that he choose to write 777.77...! Seven is of course the number of perfection. It is perhaps the most significant number in the Bible, and to receive a check made out to $777.77 carries a message that goes beyond words in any known language. My first response was to send it back. But that is like rejecting the grace of God. This is one of the most humbling experiences of my life.
I am glad that the Lord has promised to change us. If that is not true, I will have to ask the Lord to be excused from going to heaven. There is no way I could go to heaven as I am right now. Just receiving this check from Ryan Xu has humbled me so deeply I can hardly say on my feet. Fortunately, we see through a glass darkly and then only faint glimpses of Jesus. But at this level, what I see of Jesus is almost more than I can handle. There is no way I could see Jesus as He is and stay alive. It is not surprising that we see angels worship God with veiled faces. Small wonder. No angle could look at the Father full faced. And for a sinful man to look upon the Lamb of God who shed His Blood for us – how in the world could such a thing be possible?!!! The realization of what Jesus has done for us is almost more than I can handle now. And to look upon the Lord...? Oh my goodness, these spiritual realities are more than overwhelming.
My experience here is just a small taste of heaven. What the Lord has accomplished in these past few days more than justifies traveling across the Pacific. I know of no other way the Lord could have done this if I hadn't come. America looks even more like a strange country to me and I am anxious to get back home in a few days and see Singha and my favorite little friends, the kindergarten children. And it will be good to be back with my wife and new little daughter.
Thank You Jesus,
bill
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