11 November 2018
Dear Phyllis,
A couple weeks ago I violated a personal policy of sending out a mid-week prayer letter mentioning my need of a Thai visa. Since then a couple of things have happened. After I wrote that letter, a thought came to me of asking a major mission here in Chiang Mai if they could help me with a visa. I honestly thought I had a very good shot at going that route. I had had a relationship with that mission going back 55 years. What I was asking was well within the parameters of reasonability, but I was genuinely surprised when my request came back negative. That leaves my options very limited. The best and most stable visa would be a spouse visa, but that isn't simple. I have two major obstacles. One is finance and the second is time. In order to get that visa I have to show that I have $15,000 in a Thai bank three months prior to my application. I have neither. Two weeks ago we went to a visa service here in town to see if they could help. We have been there twice and I have no idea what will happen. Pammy keeps saying, “It looks good. They say they will help us.” But I have absolutely no idea what that means. Personally I feel the situation is pretty dire. I was considering going to Laos and come back by plane. By doing that I thought I could get a three months tourist visa, but it is doubtful that I could convert a tourist visa for a spouse visa. And I later heard all I could get by going out and coming back was one month. At the moment the strongest option looks like going to Japan. I had a life green card for Japan but lost that five yeas ago when I didn't return to Japan before my reentry permit expired. Now I am down to a three month tourist visa in Japan that I can get on entry; and I really don't need more than that because I have no home, no ministry, and no invitation to help anyone in Japan. All Japan would be is a stop-gap measure to an uncertain, unknown, future.
Pammy is not particularly concerned about my future as she has a strong desire to leave Thailand to go to another country as a missionary. Japan looks wonderful and going to the USA is even better. The problem is I can't take my wife away from her home in Thailand to go with me to an uncertain future where I don't even have a place to sleep for myself.
The other day the sister of my friend, Pastor Hanook, in Pakistan wrote me a letter expressing her desire to come back to Thailand. She was just here with YWAM DTS, but that was only for three months and she had to leave as soon as that course was over. Her main goal in life is to get out of Pakistan at any cost. I wrote her a lengthy letter about the strange ways of the Lord. I told her the bottom line was the will of God. I told her the best and safest thing a person could do is to place your life in the hands of Christ and trust Him to direct your future.
But I warned her that by doing that there was no guarantee that every thing would turn out well. I said, “You might surrender your life to Jesus and disaster would strike”. Following Jesus does not mean we just got on the Rose Garden Special. Realistically following Jesus is to walk the way of the Cross. And that means death. Things didn't turn out well for Jesus. Even until an hour before His arrest He was still pleading with His Father for a possible way out. There times in the garden He prayed, “Father if it is possible let this cup pass from Me” (Mt. 26:38-44). But it didn't work out that way.
When the Hitler invaded Holland at the time of the 2nd WW the Germans were rounding up all Jews to exterminate them. Corrie ten Boom's family did something very courageous and dangerous by taking in Jews to hide them. They prayed earnestly that God would protect them; but the day came when they were betrayed and Corrie and her sister Betsei and father were imprisoned. Again they prayed earnestly that the Lord would protect them but Betsei and her father died in prison. Protection never came. It was the worst case scenario. I have had that many times in my own life when I have been up against a terrible situation and begged God to help me, only to see the worst case scenario fall on me.
But if Jesus had been delivered and didn't die a horrible death there never would be salvation for us. And if the Lord answered the ten Boom family prayer we never would have heard Corrie ten Boom's wonderful testimony that has blessed millions for six decades. And had the Lord heard my desperate prayer for deliverance time and again I never would have walked the road He has led Me on for 60 years. How I thank God for the multiple disasters that have fallen on me. All I can say is “As for God, His way is perfect” (Ps. 18:30).
Following Jesus certainly does not mean that you are going to have a wonderful soft time. It means that you are going to have a lot of heart arch.. But His way is best.
Having gone through multiple heart-wrenching experiences in my life, it is not with a great deal of enthusiasm that I look forward to another uprooting. At this point in life I can't say that I look forward to shouldering my backpack and step out as a homeless wanderer again. This morning in church the pastor's message was on Psalm 37:4 – “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desire of our heart”. As I meditated on that verse I wondered, “What is the desire of my heart?” I thought, “Well, the thing I would really like is a Thai visa and continue to stay here”. And then I honestly thought, “NO! That is not the desire of my heart”. The thing that I desire more than anything else is that Jesus would be glorified in my life. If that means walking the streets as a homeless man then Lord let me do it worthily and with joy.
At this point it seems my life has been reduced to a situation of eating, breathing, and finding a place to sleep. When you are faced with a scenario of leaving home with no certain place to go that is about what life becomes. And then I thought of an interesting event that happened in the life of Gladys Aylward. She was an incredible missionary in China in the first half of the 20th century. She told of a time when she and a Chinese doctor set out to go an an extensive dendo (evangelism) trip in west China. They were traveling deep in the mountains near Tibet. One day at 3:00 in the afternoon they were in a desolate area miles from any town. Gladys was concerned where they were going to stay that night. She expressed that concern to the doctor and suggest they pray for a place to stay. The doctor replied, “No that isn't the problem. The problem is who are we going to talk to today about the Lord?” She was worried abut a place to sleep and he was concerned about witnessing for Jesus. This morning I thought, “Well that shoe fits my foot”. The upper most concern of my heart is finding myself on the street again and looking for a place to sleep. Where is my burden like the doctor - “Who can I reach for Christ?'. As I honestly meditated on this dilemma I came to some unanswered questions. What am I doing serving Jesus as I sit here in Chiang Mai? In all honesty my life here has been reduced to eating, breathing, looking at You Tube, and sleeping. I have pleaded with Jesus to give me a dish cloth. I would joyously wash dishes for Jesus if he would give me that chance. For years I have begged the Lord to give me a preaching or teaching ministry. But Jesus as singularly closed that ministry. Apart from teaching 100 kindergarten children English for 30 minutes each morning and writing one letter to you every Sunday, my life has been reduced to eating, breathing, looking at You Tube, and sleeping. And maybe in two weeks I might be looking for a place to do that.
I want to serve Jesus and if I can do that by walking the streets then Thy will be done. Father, let Jesus be honored in me and may Your will be done in my life. Lord, please do it.
bill
Fifteen years ago a friend asked me if I would make a tree house for his children. One day as I was walking a mile to buy 50 cents worth of screws to make the house I was feeling sorry for myself thinking what bad shape I was in. I was the only missionary in town that didn't have a shinny Toyota or a beautiful new Honda bike. I had to walk to buy screws for my friends tree house. As I was walking, the Lord spoke to me and said, “I am giving you the privilege of walking in Jesus' shoes.” Jesus didn't have a Toyota or a Honda bike. He had to borrow a donkey to ride into Jerusalem. He walked just like me. I said, “Lord thank You. That is a great privilege to walk in Jesus' shoes, but if You want me to wear them You are going to have to change the size of my foot. Jesus' shoes don't fit my feet.” They are still awfully tight; but thank God those shoes do fit a little better today than they did 15 years ago. That is progress.
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