Distributing Tracts

5 May 2019

Dear Phyllis,

Last week was a semi-big week. We went to south Thailand for a family conference. Pammy is big news and knows everybody. The fellow who organized this conference knows her and invited us to attend. The location was 1000 km from Chiang Mai and we were the guest who had come the furthest. There were a number of very good servants of God there, one of which was a Major General in the Thai Army. He was my favorite and I enjoyed talking to him the most.

I have a message that burns in my heart that I was very anxious to share with the people there. I asked Pammy, “Will it be possible for me to speak about the Back to Jerusalem movement?”. She said, “Why not?” and spoke to Sonchai saying that I wanted to talk about that. I asked him if he knew about BTJ and he said Yes. But when I asked him two or three more question it was obvious that he had no idea what I was talking about. Time passed and I asked Pammy again, “When will I be able to speak?” She said, “Tomorrow morning” - the last day. Then she added, “Please don't talk long as they have many other people to share”. I began to get the drift of what was happening and knew I was not on the schedule. Pammy was one of the several speakers. I had given up all hope when Sonchai said, “Brother Bill will you give a three minute testimony but please don't preach”. Or in other words, “Could I speak about Back to Jerusalem?” - No way.

The message the first night was about let your candle shine. But I intensely felt that Jesus has blown my candle out. I prayed, “Lord, if you have blown out my candle, please don't let it stay here. Please take it out of the holder.” It is difficult to escape the intense feeling that Jesus has blown out my candle and can no longer use me – if He ever did.

The frustration is intense. There is so much in my heart that I long to share with others, but it seems there are no listening ears. One time I was speaking in a church in Japan sharing the testimony of passing out 40,000 tracts in Salavan, Laos. I had been asked by some brethren to lead a team on mission impossible of tact bombing Salavan. In China, the way they tract bomb is by going into apartment complexes between midnight and 3:00 AM and put tracts in mail boxes or under the door. But to pass out a tract openly in China, Vietnam, or Laos is a 100% guarantee for an invitation to the police station for coffee and cake. In Laos the only way to pass out tracts is going into markets or public places and hiding them under pillows, boxes, or some place where people will later find them after you are out of town. Some brethren had come with a plan to tract bomb Laos and asked me to hit Salavan on Tuesday to pull the police down so other teams could hit more northern villages on Wednesday.

We got there on Monday and after looking over the town, it looked impossible to me. Tuesday morning we went out at 6:00 AM to try to distribute some tracts and I didn't get rid of one. We looked like aliens that had just gotten out of a UFO. I didn't see one gaijin (foreigner) in town. I never had 10 seconds that there weren't peering eyes staring at me. Phil had the same success. The two girls came back terrified. They said, “We have been discovered!” They had put a tract under a rock and within 30 seconds some kid grabbed it and was running around town. At 7:00 AM we had just proved that our mission was impossible. We had three options. One, was to pack everything we had back to Thailand with us. Two, was to put our tracts in a garbage can and hope we could get to the border before they were discovered. Three, was to get three people out of Laos and leave one turkey behind to do the job. We all agreed that that was it. I took the other three to the bus station (a field) and got them on the 10:00 o'clock bus. When that bus pulled out that was the most desolate feeling I have ever had in my life. I knew that within hours I would be arrested, jailed, and possibly never seen again. I felt exactly like the moon lander had just left, leaving me standing on the face of the moon with absolutely no way to get back to planet earth.

I got that far in my testimony at the church in Japan and sat down. The pastor stood up, thanked me, and said, “Now shall we stand and sing number 273.” No one asked me, “What happened?”. If someone can tell such and exciting story and right at the most critical point quit, with no one asking, what happened, that is a pretty good indication that your preaching isn't very interesting. There is not one church in America, Japan, or Thailand that has invited me to speak. That is not much of an indication of a burning shining light. This last experience at the family conference has left me with a very strong feeling that the Lord has blown out my candle.

As I was liking my wounds over being rendered to silence, the Lord reminded me of His experience at Cana. Several years ago we wee invited to attend a wedding in Kobe. When I walked in the church I saw a large banner hanging up front saying, “Iesu mo manekareta” (Jesus also was invited). Those words in Japanese were tremendously expressive. Iesu MO – Jesus ALSO. Apparently Mary was a major guest. She must have been a relative or close a friend of the couple. Obviously, when they ran out of wine she was involved in the dilemma She was in a position to tell the servants what to do. Mary was important and Jesus also was invited. My, that was gracious. He wasn't asked to speak. Jesus probably sat at a table more towards the rear, and it is doubtful that He was even asked to pray for the couple, but in a quiet way He had a big impact on the wedding, and this was one of the major events that John chose to show us who Jesus was.

The Lord's ministry here was curious. There were times when He was tremendously popular and yet there was always opposition. When Jesus made His triumphal entry into Jerusalem to present Himself to His nation He had to ride on the colt of a borrowed donkey. His followers spread dirty coats and palm branches on the road for a red carpet. The priest complained about children crying hosanna, and five days later He was nailed to a Cross. Jesus said of John the Baptist that he was the greatest prophet. He was a burning and a shining light, and he died by getting his head chopped off in prison to appease a young girl. Watchman Nee spent the last 18 years of his life in prison in silence. And yet I believe they were probably the most fruitful years of his life. I believe the unprecedented harvest in China today can be largely attributed to the price Watchman Nee paid.

In my early years I had a great desire to be a bright light for Jesus, but that never came to pass. My max illumination was about as bright as a fire fly in a forest. Now I have a message that burns in my heart with such intensity that it nearly singes the hair on my chest, but there is no way to tell it. and it looks like the Lord has blown out my candle. What good is a snuffed out candle? I don't know.

Lord Jesus, scented candles are fragrant even if they aren't burning. Lord if You are living in me, please let something of my life be a credit to Your great Name even if it is sitting here quietly in silence. Lord, if it is Your will that I walk the last few miles of my journey here in silence, let me do it with joy, dignity, and grace. If I can be a wall flower for Jesus, that would somehow make Your house the prettier, let me thank God for such a high honor. But Lord if my usefulness here is over then please take me home. Don't let me stay here and dishonor Your Name. Lord You are wonderful and Your ways are wonderful. Thank You for last week.

                 bill