Kitazumi san

8 Oct, 2000

Dear Ted & Phyllis,

Last week one of the fellows who has been working here for four years quit and we had a sobetsukai (farewell party) for him at noon on Friday. Most of the staff showed up but I noticed some were conspicuous by their absence. Later I met one of the girls in the hall and asked why she kesseki surued (not go) to the meeting. She bluntly said, “Because he is the enemy.” And then she told me a shocking story. At some point during the past four years she had had some sort of a problem with this “brother” and he made the most obscene gesture to her that I have ever heard of by someone who professes to be a Christian. When she told me that, I was dumbfounded. My mind instinctively searched for what would be an appropriate response to such a vile gesture. I thought, “If I was a woman the most minimal thing I could think of would be to slap his face.” But that seemed totally inadequate. As a man I would have liked to deck him. But as I spent a great deal of time contemplating the problem several things came to mind.

Yesterday I wrote Tomoko a letter and this is the gist of what I said.

…The first thing I came up with is, this is an expression of an intensely hostile person. There has got to be a huge amount of hostility inside that poor turkey. Why? That is a very interesting question. Obviously he is carrying around a lot of deep wounds. Someplace along the line he has been hurt very badly and his hostility shows it.

Kitazumi san is a strange bird. He lived in the room next to me for four years. He is not the type of person I would choose for a close friend. I have never felt comfortable with him. Once or twice he came to my room to be a personal friend and said he was so moved by some of the “misfortune” that has been my lot to bear that he wanted to pray for me. Then he laid his hand on me and poured out his heart asking God to bless me. I was really touched. He is the only person that has ever done that.

 I don’t think anyone  wanted to go to that sobetsukai but it was noon and shigata ga nai. Saito san shikaied  (led) the meeting and asked Tanaka san to be one of the speakers to say something nice about him. She had her back to Kitazumi when Saito called on her. You should have seen the sour look on her face. It was a real challenge to think of anything nice to say about him. When the meeting was over I would have been pleased to just leave the room without saying anything, but common courtesy dictates that you say something so I stopped by his table to say goodbye. Later, as I was getting in the van to drive to the eki he came out in the parking lot to say goodbye again and I was impressed with the loneliness in his soul. He held my hand for a long time and his grip was so weak I had to be careful not to squeeze too hard. From the moment I heard he was getting married I have always felt sorry for his wife. I couldn’t imagine any girl that would want to marry and share her life with him. The only reason I could come up with was uncontrolled hormones that she must bitterly regret. I sincerely hope I am wrong.

But when I think of Kitazumi san I am forced to think of the Gospel. He is a bonafide reject to humanity and yet Jesus loves even people like that. He is a poor grotesque soul. But he reminds me a lot of myself. I see myself in him. I am filled to overflowing with hostility and have more hang-ups than a telephone company. I come across in a very unpleasant manner to a lot of people. I can only respect the people that hate me because they are right and I agree with them. It is pure grace that Jesus would tolerate such poor benighted souls; but it is even to us that the Father has extended an invitation to attend the Wedding of His Son. Kitazumi san and Bill Cook are two people I would leave off the guest list to such an event. Having too many people like that around would spoil the party. But the astounding thing is – not that we are on the guest list – but we have been invited to sit at the front table! Can you believe that?; THE FATHER HAS SELECTED US TO PART OF THE BRIDE HE HAS CHOOSEN FOR HIS SON!!!  WE ARE SEATED NEXT TO CHRIST!!!!!  May the Lord excuse me, but that blows my mind! In my wildest imagination I cannot conceive such a thing. I can believe that Jesus died for me, but I cannot believe that Jesus wants me to sit in the same room at His Wedding Feast – much less to be part of His Bride. My mind just checks out at that. Tomoko, could such a thing be possible?

The wife of a friend told the story of a fujinkai she once attended. Someone had the brilliant idea to have a let’s-show-the-love-of-Christ meeting and passed out one rose to all the ladies when they came in. Then the leader suggested, “If there is someone in the room you need to get right with, please go to that person, tell them how much you love her, and give her a rose.” Tragically, there was a Kitazumi san in the room, and she wound up in tears with a red face and an arm full of roses. She won first place as the most unpopular gal in town and got all the roses as a trophy. My heart goes out to people like that.

Isn’t God amazing? Somehow He doesn’t respond to our unpleasantness. Somebody wrote Christian words to the tune of Danny Boy that conveys a tremendous message: “He looked beyond my sin and saw my need.” Dear Tomoko, please don’t think I am preaching to you. When you told me the stunt that Kitazumi pulled on you I admired you for your grace, and thought you are a better Christian than I am. I couldn’t have handled that as well as you did. But through that brief chat the Lord has taught me a lot of things.

Writing this letter really challenged me. I had a hard time coordinating my mind with my theology. My theology tells me one thing and it is easy to give mental assent to it. But then when it came to trying to envision that in realistic terms – that was beyond me. I don’t know if Kitazumi san is really saved or not. He certainly goes to church regularly and professes a testimony. But he reminded me of what a strange event the Wedding Supper of the Lamb will be. Jesus told us a little bit about it in Matt. 22:1-14 when He said “The Kingdom of Heaven is like a King which made a Marriage for His Son.” That makes perfect sense. I can believe that the most primary thought in the heart of God is to make a marriage for His Son and give Him the place of honor of which He is due. But if we didn’t know the OT and the history of Israel, and the depravity of man in our own hearts, it would be difficult to imagine anyone turning down an invitation to such an event. Perhaps as missionaries we can appreciate better than average the strange phenomenon where we offer to people eternal life and very few are interested. That certainly demonstrates the inexplicable response of people when we tell them that God wants them to attend the Marriage of His Son. But when the tables still are not filled God sends His servants out to drag in the rift-raft off the streets. That is more than my mind can handle. Did you ever go to the Governors Garden Party at the Seizan Hotel in the summer time? The Nagano-ken governor threw a garden party each summer for the erai folks in Karuizawa which included the crown prince, the diplomatic corp, and major celebrities. I never figured out why, but missionaries got invited too and we usually went. It was a bit of an honor to be invited to go, but we never were invited to the royal weddings. If the Lord asked me to make up the guest list of those who should be invited to the Wedding of His Son I don’t know where I would start. I’m afraid I would be like John when he heard the challenging question, “Who is worthy to open the seals?” (Rev. 5:2). He wound up in tears as no one was worthy. I could make up a list of the ones that shouldn’t be invited, but there the grace of God blows me away. It taxes my mind to the limit to accept that the Lord lets in some of the strangest people. But then to say they constitute the Bride of Christ!??

 It doesn’t challenge me too severely to imagine Ted and Phyllis Brannen as integral members of that Body, and I can easily see you seated at the front table, but to put Kitazumi san and Bill Cook on that list is more than I can rise to. If indeed we make it I can’t imagine what kind of expression of gratitude we could show to the Lord for this <       >  (what ever you call it). I hate to use the word Grace because that doesn’t begin to express our debt to Him. I don’t know what the word is, but whatever it is, I can only imagine myself lying flat on the ground weeping for the first several hundred years. But maybe we all will feel that way.

 Isn’t Jesus wonderful?  

                                                                                             With much love and prayers, bill