Street Sweeper

14 October 2012

Dear Phyllis,

You have no idea what a major figure you are in my life. There is nothing in life that I enjoy more than preaching, but my life has been reduced to a congregation of one. You are virtually the only outlet that I have. Pastor Kichikun has been gracious in sharing his pulpit with me one Sunday a month. But three weeks ago I told him that I was no longer qualified to stand before the people in church and share the Word of God. This is because of my disqualification in my domestic life. When Rosemary made her fatal decision, I said, “This is the end for me.” One the basis of the pastoral epistles, I was no longer qualified to be a deacon, elder, or leader in a church. Because of that, I went into a self-imposed recluse for four years declining to share the Word even in a home meeting. But then in Russia, I was confronted with the decision of giving the Gospel to thousands who had been in 70 years of darkness under communism, or remain silent. I felt simply to be a witness of the salvation of Christ demanded that I step up to share that truth. Since then I have not declined any request to speak publicly. But three weeks ago a relatively minor incident caused me to reexamine my qualification to speak in church, and told Kichikun to take me off the preaching roster.

The problem was Pammy. Basically she is good – but not perfect. That week she pulled a couple of stunts that I thought were dishonoring to the Lord. One was refusing to go to school with me to interpret because of illness. But two hours later she had a miracle healing when a friend showed up and asked her to go shopping. The second was when she was gone all day and got home at 9:00 o'clock at night. She did call twice to tell me where she was, and shouldn't be held too accountable as she was with another lady in the other lady's car. She got struck until that woman was ready to go home. I felt she should have gotten out of the car and taken a taxi home.

Perhaps a more serious disqualification is my warm temper. I have a relatively short fuse and a considerable amount of explosives when they gets detonated. There is a rice field next to my shop, and no walls on my shop. When things go bad in the shop, occasionally there are various objects seen arcing though the air as I throw them out in the rice field. My dear friend Dave Moore has frequently spoken to me about self-control. He has reminded me that basically this is a decision whether or not I want the Lord to change me and fill me more with is Holy Spirit that I might have more self-control. This is one of the fruits of the Spirit,. And to be too hot headed is a proof that Jesus does not have full control of my life.

There I have a problem. This is a great mystery to me. Nor is it one that I alone struggle with. I would say that nearly all Christians have something in their lives that they would like to improve, but still come up short. I am not proud of my short temper, but it is something that still plagues me. Titus 1:7 tells us that “a bishop must not be self-willed or soon angry”. One brother told me, “You are not a bishop, so why worry about your temper?” But Kichikun has told me that the Thais – like the Japanese – are very sensitive about showing emotion like that. Exploding is a very poor testimony. I know that I am a poor example of Christ and feel that perhaps I should step down from a public ministry. This being true, I am reduced to a congregation of one that I write to each week.

This past week I had a very serious talk with the Lord about my son Dave. As you know, he has walked the wrong road for over 20 years. He is the biggest grief of my life. My question to Jesus was, “What happened to dedication?” He was dedicated to serve the Lord from before birth. We never had any other aspiration for him than he become a credit to Christ and be used to advance the Kingdom. If a child doesn't serve the Lord, what good are they? Why have children if that is only to be a disgrace to the Name of Christ, and increase the population of hell? We all know that not all PKs (preacher's kids) and MK's (missionary kid) turn out well. I have known several MKs that have been bums and crooks. I didn't want my boy to be one. Years ago they used to have a destruct button on rockets. If a large rocket went off course, they could destroy it before it went the wrong way and endanger American cities. I used to pray that if Dave ever veered from serving the Lord that the Lord would take him rather than leave him here to dishonor His Name. Dave went off course, and the Lord did not push the destruct button.

But a more serous question is what happened to dedication. If the Lord will not accept that which we dedicate to Him, why dedicate it? Cain offered a sacrifice to the Lord that was unacceptable. Okay. That is understandable. I have had people offer things to me that I didn't want. One time a man gave me a case of beer. That all went in the toilet. History is full of the stories of outstanding men of God who were dedicated to the Lord by godly mothers – Samuel, Hudson Taylor, John Wesley, etc. – and the Lord used them.

I am not discounting the possibility that the Lord may yet lay His hand on Dave, and he might become a Franklin Graham – who was a prodigal son and an embarrassment to his dad for 40 years. This, of course, is my prayer. But if the Lord does not do something like that, and Dave spends a lifetime as a dishonor to the Name of Christ; that can only mean that I dedicated a case of beer to the Lord that he refused to accept. If we dedicate infants to Christ only to see them become flag carriers for the devil, that means that dedication is meaningless.

Yes, I know the argument about free will. A parent can't make a decision for a child. John 1:13 tells us of three things that simply do not apply to those who are born sons of God – blood, the will of the flesh, and the will of man. The “blood” means ancestral salvation. God doesn't have any grandchildren. He only has direct children. No one is saved because mom and dad were. The will of the flesh means willing yourself into the Kingdom of God. You can will to be saved as hard as you like, but if God doesn't will it you ain't gonna be saved. Thirdly, I can't will somebody else into the Kingdom. If they don't want it, my will doesn't apply. Obviously this applies to children being saved.

I also know that child dedication is really not dedicating the child to the Lord, but the parents are dedicating themselves to raising that child the right way. It is parental dedication, not child dedication. But if there is no such thing as a real transaction with God of giving a child to the Lord and His accepting that child, then child dedication is pointless. I really don't want to believe that. Hudson Taylor's mother was serious when she prayed for her son to become a missionary. God obviously heard her prayer and wonderfully answered it.

This whole issue of dedication is a mystery to me. Perhaps I am wrong, but my idea of dedication is giving something to someone, and they accepting it. If that is true, then the object given is no longer the former owner's. It is the property of the one who accepts it. Why is it that the things we dedicate to the Lord so easily slip out of His hands? Paul firmly declared, “For I know Whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day” (2 Tim. 1:12). Oh, I like that! But I am not falling asleep on that. I didn't dedicate myself to the Lord 55 years ago and left it at that. I plead with the Lord every morning to take me. Oh if only I could be more dedicated! DL Moody said, “The world has yet to see what God can do with a man who is totally dedicated to Him. By God's grace I want to be that man.” The Lord certainly used DL Moody. I have no false illusion that I will be a DL Moody. But if only I could only be the most dedicated man to wash the dishes for His servants, that would be my greatest honor.

There is no question that the greatest problem in the church, world wide, today is defective dedication. I detest that “sensei” mentality in Japan. Very clearly there are two categories of Christians in Japan – class A and class B. Class A Christians are the kesshinshas (dedicated) and Class B are the ones who aren't. To be a kesshinsha you have to go to Bible school, and then you become a sensei. The rank and file of the rest are the lower ones in the pews. Where, pray tell, in the Bible does it say that if I sit in the pew I am exempted from being as dedicated as the man standing in the pulpit? I believe that the pew should be every bit as dedicated as the pulpit. And I often wonder about the sensei standing in the pulpit – what is he dedicated to? To serving the Lord or dedicated to promoting his own agenda?

I looked around church this morning and wondered how dedicated everyone was. If they are not dedicated to the Lord, why not? My goodness, if we considered salvation as optional and unimportant as dedication, I wonder who would be saved? As I looked at those folks this morning I thought of the wedding vow. Basically that is what salvation is – being married to Jesus. When a couple stand in the front of a church to exchange wedding vows, they are dedicating themselves to giving up their lives and living henceforth for the sake of the other. If this is not the wedding vow, then the wedding is a mockery. Everyone wants the other partner to fulfill their vow but few people have any intention of doing what they promised. I fear salvation is greatly like that. We want Jesus to keep His side of the bargain, but have little expectation of keeping our word.

The story was told, at the Keswick Conference in England many years ago, of a train in Scotland. There was a bridge that the train went over that was supposed to have a lucky river. Everyday, when the train went over that bridge, all the passengers would open the windows and threw a coin in the river. There was a man who commuted daily over that bridge and he couldn't afford to throw a coin in every day. So he took a small coin, drilled a hole in it, and tied it to a string. When the train went over the bridge and everyone threw in their coins, he would take out his coin, and toss it out the window with the crowd. Then he would wind up the string and pull it back in. One day he threw his coin out the window, but the string broke. The speaker said, “Many of you folks are like that man in Scotland. You come to these conferences, and go forward to make your dedication to the Lord. But then you go back home and pull your coin back to put it in your pocket. Praise God for the day when the sting breaks.”

N o doubt that is exactly what is wrong with a lot of dedication. Statics show that, of the thousands who go forward to dedicated themselves to be a missionary at Urbana type missionary conferences, only a very small percentage ever make it to the field. There is noting wrong with the Lord changing the direction of the path for many who dedicate themselves to a certain field. But whether we go or stay, our dedication should be absolute.

Lev. 21:17-21 spells out the disqualifying features of any of the seed of Aaron who was to be dedicated to the Lord. The blind and anyone with a blemish could not be dedicated to the Lord as a priest. As I have read that, I have thought to myself, “Well, that leaves me out.” When I consider the terrible dings and blemishes on me, I feel it is insulting to offer myself to Jesus for His service. Let the Lord lay His hand on those who are more qualified, and I am grateful if I can only have a broom to sweep the barn for the Lord.

I love to preach. God has given me a message that burns in my heart. But at this point it looks like I have a congregation of one when I write to you each week, Phyllis. It is a privilege to be a street sweeper for Jesus. Lets do it to the best of our ability that he might be glorified.

bill