Forgive and Forget

7 January 2018

Dear Phyllis,

Akemashite omedeto gozaimasu (congratulations it has opened) I know today is the 7^th but it is still the first Sunday in January. Akemashite is the the Japanese equivalent of our “Happy New Years” and traditionally it is said to everyone for the first week. New Years is probably the biggest event of the year in Japan and is a time of very through house cleaning. For a good portion of December most companies have bonen kais which are kind of a drunken blowout party to forget and forgive grievances over the past year. Christians don't have bonen kais, but it is a good idea to stop and take stock from time to time to see is there is any resilient bitterness in our heart. Bitterness not only defiles many (Heb. 12:15) but can sometimes be fatal.

One of the strangest unreported case of bitterness in the Bible is Ahithophel. Ahithophel is known as the Judas of the Old Testament. He was a counselor to David's but the man who turned against him at the time of Absalom coup (2 Sam. 15, 16, 17). Ahithophel obviously was a member of David's inner circle. It is safe to assume he had been with David for many years. They has seen the good times and the bad times together. He was a man that David turned to for good advice how to handle difficult situations, and he certainly was a man who had David's undivided confidence. They must have been very good friends.

Ahithophel had a son that proved himself to me a very courageous warrior. 2 Samuel 23 is the chapter that lists David's mighty men. He had his top 30 who had distinguished themselves as being real heroes of Israel. Then there is a long list of men who made it to honorable mention and were members of David's personal guard. Ahithophel's son, Eliam, is mentioned there as being one of this elite corps (2 Sam. 23:34). Eliam was probably a general that was in charge of several thousand men. Within his division he had an outstanding soldier that he was particularly fond of and gave him his daughter for his wife. This was Ahithphel's grand daughter. No doubt there was a special relationship between grandpa and his granddaughter. When her dad brought her to Grandpa's house it must have been a time of great joy. And it is safe to say that Grandpa was one proud man the day of her marriage. And he certainly had every reason to be proud of his grandson-in-law. His grandson's name was Uriah.

There was a time when Israel's army was out for war but David stayed behind in Jerusalem. One night David was walking on his roof and looked down to see a beautiful lady taking a bath next door. He asked, “Who is that girl?” His servant answered, “That is Eliam's daughter” (2 Sam. 11:3) (Ahithophel's granddaughter). You know the rest of the story. That is one of the darkest pages in the Bible. While her husband was off fighting, David took advantage of Bathsheba, got her pregnant, and then had her husband killed to cover his tracks. You talk about a bad one to handle. That would have been pretty hard for her father Eliam to handle and it would have been particularly bitter for Ahithophel to realize what his very close friend David did to his granddaughter and his grandson-in-law. And then for the next several years when he visited David; to see his old friend sleeping with his granddaughter knowing he had murdered her husband - how do you forgive something like that? Ahithophel no doubt knew Nathan's judgment against David that the sword would never depart from his house and another man would have sex openly with David's wives (2 Sam. 12:10-12).

It is difficult to imagine that there wasn't real tension between David and Ahithophel for the next several years. When Absalom got in his heart to pull a coup against his dad the man he turned to for advice - how to pull it off - was Ahithophel (2Sam. 15:12). After David fled Jerusalem, Ahithophel advised Absalom to set up a tent and have sex with his father's concubines on the roof so everybody could see it (2 Sam. 16:21,22). After that when Absalom asked him what should be his next move, Ahithophel's advice is particularly blood chilling. He said, “Let me have 12,000 men. I will catch him at his weakest moment and kill him. Then I will bring everybody else back to you” (2 Sam 17:1,2). That probably would have worked except God had other plans and confounded Ahithophel's advice with Hushai. When Aithophel saw that things were going against him – like Judas - he went home and committed suicide.

Everybody is critical against Ahithophel and he has gone down as one of the traitors of history. But when you look at the big picture it is not difficult to understand how there could have been real resentment in his heart against David for what he did to his granddaughter and her husband. This is not to excuse him but there are times when it seems offenses have gone past the line and this is inexcusable. The drunkard who kills an innocent person with a car. Or, worse yet, the rapist who rapes little children, tortures, and kills them. How do you forgive them? I don't know. I have had my problems trying to find real love and forgiveness for people who have done dirt to me. At one time I told some missionaries that I had forgiven more sin than Jesus. That got a lively response. I asked, “Does God forgive unrepentant sin?” I don't know. That could be argued both ways. I said, “Look, I have forgiven my wife for adultery but before God she has never truly repented. Has God forgiven that sin?” I don't know about God, but the Lord did show me that I had better get my own heart cleaned up and get that cancer out of my system. Bitterness and unforgiveness will kill anyone who harbors it too long.

There are no Christians who don't know that the Lord commands us to forgive those who sin against us. The very words of the Lord's Prayer says, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors”. Or in other word we are asking God to deal with us just like we deal with those who sin against us. We know this but in practice we hope that will never happen. The very fact that there is such horrible controversy in Christian circles proves that something is out of place.

In 1990 I had just been asked to leave Link Care where I had been sent to get healed from some unknown problem by two years of psychotherapy (that is of the devil). After three weeks they felt my presence was detrimental to my wife's healing and they told me to leave. That was the end of my family. Dave Hanson came to pick me up to take me to his house. I hadn't seen Dave in ten years and it was the first time since my marriage had gone south. I hadn't been in the car three minutes before I unloaded on Dave - big time. After I raved on for fifteen minutes Dave, passively said, “Why don't you forgive your wife?” That was the wrong thing to say. I exploded! I roared, “I have forgiven her! I have forgiven her standing. I have forgiven her sitting. I have forgiven her on my knees. I have forgiven her orally. I have forgiven her in writing. I have forgiven her until I am exhausted. Do you want to see the letters I have written?” Dave quietly replied, “I don't care what you have put on paper. I can tell by your spirit that you have never truly forgiven her.” Three points! That one never touched the rim. That shot went straight to my heart. For the first time I knew he was right.

But then I realized it was impossible. At last I prayed, “Lord Jesus the first time You saved it was totally an act of Your free grace. There was nothing I could do to save myself or talk You into saving me. Now I need to be saved from an unforgiving spirit. Lord if You don't save me there is no way I can be free from this spirit. If You have a sign-up sheet for candidates for salvation I would be grateful if you would put my name towards the top.” I have no idea how or when He did it but I do know that He has done the miracle and saved me.

It sure feel good to be saved. Thank You Jesus.

                                                             bill