6 May 2018
Dear Phyllis,
For
three weeks I have been writing you about the one thing that was the
goal of David's life and my struggle to make it mine. I hoped we
finished that subject last week, but it just keeps reverberating in my
heart. What I have to say today is that I have changed my prayer – or
maybe – just altered it. I said the most important pursuit in life was
to spend your life beholding the beauty of the Lord and being on talking
terms with God. I spent three letters talking about how to behold His
beauty. What I said was good, but now I feel there is a better
objective. May I suggest that the greatest pursuit in this life is to be head over heels in love with Jesus.
In one sense this is not new as I was hitting around it last week. I
said if we could see Him better, perhaps we would love Him more. That
certainly is true. But to refocus that argument, it is not how well we
see, but how much we love.
I
have been pleading with the Father to give me a heart that only and
passionately loves Jesus. Now I am nearly in despair that that will ever
happen. Oh Lord, why can't I have such a heart? Lord, why don't You
take off the blinders and let me see and love Your Son as I should?
Lord, if there is anyone who should be standing in the front of the
line, lifting up his voice the loudest in praise, thanks giving,
appreciation, admiration ... for Your Son it should be me. Why then must
I stand in the back of the line and be the most silent? Dear Phyllis, I
wish my heart was a computer that I could copy and send part to you.
But I can't put in words or compose what is in my heart. Light can be
seen, but it cannot be transmitted to others. It can only be seen by the
one looking at it. We might be able to try to talk about light in
words, but human speech is not light. They are only words.
As I
have despaired of ever having a heart aflame for Jesus I have asked the
Father, if I can't have such a heart to at least let me have a heart
that wishes it could. I have found my greatest joy now is looking at
those who do love Jesus. Mary is my favorite. What a woman! Oh, what a
heart! Oh, what a wonderful thing she chose. Maybe she should have been
in the kitchen helping her sister but she just couldn't tare herself
away from sitting there listening to her Lord. That is the kind of
irresponsibility I like. Vanya was a courageous Christian in the Russian
army. One morning he was late for the morning formation. His commander
was furious and demanded an answer why he was late. He said, “I'm sorry,
sir, but I was just praying and fellow-shipping with my Lord Jesus and I
didn't realize what time it was”. Oh, to have that problem. I love to
look at Mary's eyes. The gaze and the love in her eyes would melt ice
cream in the freezer.
I
have wondered with great bewilderment at the language found in the Song
of Solomon. In particular I have wondered how Jesus could say such
rapturous remarks about His Bride. But then I look at Mary I say,
“Naruhodo, I see”. For those whose hearts are blazing with love for Him I
can easily see why He views them as being so beautiful. I sit here
wrapped up in an electric blanket trying to ward off hypothermia with a
frozen heart, but there is warmth in looking at others. Every morning I
read a letter from Samuel Rutherford and consistently tears begin to
well up in my eyes. If I can't compose a heart-warming letter myself,
the best thing I could do for you is to simply copy one of his letters
and send it to you.
The
Lord has given us at least three views of Mary. The first one is the
supper in their house, in Luke 10, the second one is that painful
experience when her brother died and Jesus didn't show up to save him in
John 11, and the third one was when she crashed the supper in Simon's
house, in Mark 14. Of the three views the last one may be the most
significant. Of all the events that happened during the life of Christ
this is the only one singled out by Jesus that would be preached hand
and hand wherever the Gospel would be preached around the world (Mk.
14:9). What Mary did was a little over the top. That jar of spikenard
was not just a bottle of perfume from her dresser. That was the most
valuable item in the house. That was something that the Jews saved for
their own funeral. That was a once-in-a-lifetime treasure. When we
understand what it was, that gives us more of an appreciation for the
consternation of the disciples who thought it was a waste. Judas was the
first to express his dismay at this waste but all the disciple joined
in. It was a little extreme but few loved Jesus like Mary did.
Ann
Kimer was a woman who loved Jesus to an extreme. One time she was
watching a high school football game and her team was getting drubbed.
In the 4th quarter she ran out on the field and got in the
huddle. She said, “Boys, we have got to pray”, then she asked Jesus to
bless the team. The 3rd string quarter back threw the game
winning touch down and the opposing team cried “Foul. It's not fair to
have her pray like that”. Another time she was taking a plane and saw a
poor soldier saying a tearful farewell to his sweet heart. After they
got on the plane she was sitting some distance from him; she got up and
crawled across a long line of laps to speak to him about Jesus. He was
stunned and asked, “Lady, did you crawl across all those laps to tell me
this?” She didn't care if people thought she was nuts. Her love for the
Lord caused her to do odd things.
This
is fun. If I can't have eyes to see Jesus as I wish, and if my poor
frozen heart can't generate heat enough to melt butter, at least I sure
enjoy looking at those who do love the Lord. I'm sure the Father knew
that we would have that problem and that is the reason He has given us
examples to show us how it is supposed to work. In all cases, where the
law of love is operative, that dictates choices and actions. Parents who
love their children will ignore serious danger to rescue their
children. Early at the beginning of the last century King Edward, the
king of England, gave up his throne to marry a woman he loved. Boys who
love football don't care how cold it is or how muddy they get if only
they can play the game they love. The law of love is universal. It will
determine what is most important in our lives. We might wish we could
love Jesus more, but even if we can't at least we can admire those who
do. Mary is a perfect model. I believe this is why Jesus said what she
did would be preached hand in glove with the Gospel around the world.
This is the name of the game. This is the way the system is supposed to
work. This is what the Gospel is supposed to produce. And looking at her
does help.
Mary
might have wasted the most precious thing she had in the house to
anoint Jesus but her reward more than repaid her loss. No doubt there
were thousands of homes in Israel that had jars of spikenard sitting on
shelves to be used for their burial, but Mary got the greatest prize in
the Bible. By using that which was supposed to be for her own funeral
she was able to do what no one else could do. There were five other
women who wanted to anoint Jesus, but they were too late. He was risen
from the dead. Mary came beforehand (Jn. 12:7). If we want to do
something for Jesus, we better do it now. Later will be too late. We
can't pour out our lives for Jesus in heaven. Many Christian
organizations and Christians school advertise a wonderful plan where you
can have your cake and eat it both. They suggest that you set up an
annuity plan to sign over your inheritance to them so you can live
comfortably now and have the assurance that when you die your wealth
will go to a worthy Christian organization. There is only one flaw with
that plan. You can't give an offering to the Lord with dead hands. If
you don't do it while you are alive it doesn't count later.
Dear
Phyllis, pray for me. In my heart I want to love and serve the Lord but
my hands are empty. I have nothing to give Him. I am like a child in
church who has to ask his father for a quarter to put in the offering
plate. I want to be like Mary and do what I can today.
Lord Jesus, even if I can't love You like I should, at least let me imagination that I do.
bill
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