25 August 2019
Dear Phyllis,
A week ago Pammy and I went 100 kn
north of here to Phrao to attend a Lahu minority people Christian conference. I
don't know how many were there. Pammy said there were 200 but it looked more like
100 to me. They were mostly pastors. I was surprised that they brought us right
up front to sit in celebrity seats. Pammy spoke at the afternoon session and I
was supposed to bring a message in the evening. At first I said, “I have
nothing to say”. But then I thought, “I have a wonderful message”; and was
really looking forward to speaking. But Pammy spoke first and burned up all the
oxygen. There was no time left for me to speak. But as I sat there thinking
about my message, the Lord spoke to me one of the most important messages I
have ever heard.
Five weeks ago Pammy came home one
night all excited saying, “I met a man who can 100% guarantee to cure you of
cancer in one month”. But then she slid it back to, maybe, two months. The next
day Dr. Sau came to see me. I thought, “Oh boy, this is a real snake oil
salesmen. What is he selling?” (He is not a real medical doctor.) Dr. Sau put
me on a special diet of no meat, no eggs, no milk, no coffee, etc. And he had
some special medicine that I was supposed to take one drop a day under my
tongue. I thought, “Okay, I will play your game for two months, and if I'm
not cured, I will go back to eating Mac burgers and pizza.”.
It appeared that this conference last
week, was a Dr. Sau conference, and he was using me as his pony at a dog and
pony show. Dr. Sau was telling the Lahu pastors about a new medicine that would
cure anything, and he was teaching them about how to grow the plants. The
plants are Marijuana. Oh boy, this is great! And the medicine that they make
from these plant leaves is REALLY expensive (5 cm is $300). He gave away one
tiny bottle (one eye dropper full) that was worth $80. The guy that won it sold
it to Pammy for $35.
The message that I wanted to give to
the pastors was about my recent experience with cancer. I was going to tell them that two
months ago, I went to the hospital to hear the results of the biopsy on my eye.
When the doctor told me, “Sir, I want to be honest with you. This is an
aggressive cancer”; I laughed. “Man, that is good news!” The doctor didn't
think so. I explained, “Look, I am 83 years old. That is long enough to stay
here. I want to get on to heaven.”. The doctor told me that surgery to remove
my eye would cost $3000. I replied, “You have no guarantee with your surgery.
The best you can say is that it might improve my chance to live a few years
longer. I could pay you $3000 for surgery with no guarantee, or have a very
nice funeral for $100, and know that I have eternal life in heaven. Which do
you think is the better deal?”.
Since then the Lord has said many
things to me. I have been in a fog not knowing what to believe. Many people
have prayed for my healing and at times I believed that the Lord has heard
their prayer and I will be healed. And at other times, I thinks the statistics
on this are overwhelming against healing. Even among Christians, healing is
very unusual. I wasn't aware that Jesus had told me anything as to what He has
in mind. But a couple of weeks ago He told me very clearly, “Don't worry.”
Okay, I'll buy that. Whatever He has in mind is good – either way. Jesus told
me that this is not dangerous. He has it on a leash. This cancer
can go no further than He will allow it to go. Of course that is a fact. That
took all the concern out of it.
But as I thought about what my position
should be I honestly was deadlocked. I thought of what Paul said in Phil.
1:21-23. “For me to live is Christ and to die is gain”. That sounds like
dying is the best thing. And then he said he was stuck in the middle and didn't
know which to choose. If he stayed here he could continue his ministry but “to
depart to be with Christ was far better”. That sounds like a second vote
for death.
As I sat there Friday night thinking
about my message, I thought, Dr. Sau probably wouldn't appreciate this kind of
a message at a conference where he was promoting a miracle new drug that would
cure anything. But then as I sat there mulling my position I saw in my mind a
table with two pills on it. One would cure you and the other one wouldn't. Which
pill would be the right one to choose? And then I thought “Suicide is
wrong”. Why is suicide wrong? Suicide is destroying something that God has
made in His own image. And then a second thought came to me, God loves me.
He loved me enough that He sent His Son to die for me. If God loves me, I
better love me too, and take good care of me. Then the cap stone of the
evening came, Suddenly the Words came clearly to my mind, “Behold I have set
before you LIFE and DEATH … CHOOSE LIFE, that both you and your seed may
live.' (Deut. 30:15,19). That was as clear as anything the Holy Spirit has
ever said to me. Examined under every perspective that stands up. That settles
it. I choose life and I believe this is not terminal.
When I spoke with Sangha about this, I
was further amazed that he told me that the latest hot item in hospitals all
over Thailand is the promising results they are getting using Cannabis (Marijuana)
oil. He said the government is trying to get the hill tribe people to
grow Marijuana for medical purpose. He told me I could get a license from a
hospital to grow six plants for my own use. That is exactly what Dr. Sau was
talking about. That adds considerable credibility to this conference.
Two weeks ago, riding my Honda to
church, was the most frightening experience I have ever had on a bike. I felt
weird. I lost a tremendous amount of spatial orientation. At times I didn't
know where I was, and then I would be startled that I was on my bike going to
town. Cars were all around me, but it was like they weren't there. I thought
this must be a stroke or some bad neurological phenomenon. It was so frightened
I almost went straight home. I thought, if this gets worse I don't know how I
am going to get home. But three hours later I was fine. While at the conference
the same thing happened. Sangha told me, he read that you are supposed to take one
drop a day, More than that will make you drunk. Wednesday Pammy gave me my
medicine at 7;00 while I was having devotions. At 8:30 when I started to go to
school I was so dizzy I couldn't walk. I just wanted to sleep. I knew it was
impossible to go to school so I just laid down. When I opened my eyes it was
four hours later - 12:15. In all three case the cause was Pammy just gave me
too much medicine. This has graphically demonstrated to me that this stuff is
really potent. But it certainly isn't addictive.
I don't know what is happening. I'm
getting tired of my no-meat, no-eggs, no-nothing diet, but it does look like
the tumor is getting a tad smaller. I am not raising a flag or taking victory
laps, but my attitude has radically changed. I would be very surprised now if
this thing is terminal. Jesus told me CHOOSE LIFE and I have. And
I suspect He will do the rest. I consider this cancer a gift that the Lord
has given me to teach me new things and possibly get glory to His great Name.
The diet and Cannabis oil might help, but if it does it is only because Jesus
has set this before me. John said, “In Him was life” (Jn. 1:4). That is a fact.
Eternal life does not begin when we go to heaven but when we are born-again,
and Jesus comes to live in our hearts. Thank God I will never die, and it looks
like I am getting slid back in line to wait a little longer for heaven. I have
said for many years, “For me to live is Christ” but the second part of dying
looks like it is getting postponed.
My only prayer is that I might be able
to say with Paul, “According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in
nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, Christ shall
be magnified in my body, whether it be by life or by death” (Phil, 1:20).
.
Lord You are wonderful and all that You
do is wonderful Thank You.
bill
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