15 September
2019
Dear Phyllis,
I have found my senior years has given
me a wonderful perspective to look back on my early years with a considerable
degree of objectivity to see life in a much different view than when I was
going through it. This past week I was reminiscing about a man who was probably
more singularly responsible for saving my life than at other individual. I
can't recall his name, but without his miraculous intervention it I doubtful
that I would have lived to see my 21st birthday. Obviously, God had
His hand on my life before I was saved.
I had the privilege of a good
background. As an unsaved family we were a cut above average. My father had his
own accounting firm and we were considered wealthy in our small town in
Pennsylvania. My parents were as good as any except that my mother worked with
my dad in his office and I was more or less raised by my grandmother and a
house maid. My mother made the mistake of trying to compensate material objects
for the maternal time she should have spent with me. As a result I can't
remember a time when I didn't have anything I wanted. I had a horse, a car, and
a professional work shop from my early years. When I was in 7th grade,
and had my first shop class, I had more tools than my teacher. The two things
that dominated my early life were my horse and wood shop. I was very much a
loner with few friends and, spent most of my time on my horse or in my shop.
My father was an intelligent man and my
sister was valedictorian of her class, but I was slightly above average
student. My father had graduated from the University of Michigan, and from my
early years I had no though of going any other place than Michigan. Being born
with a hammer in my hand, and my deep love for wood, I intended to spend my
life working with wood, and elected to go into the unusual field of Wood
Technology. When I was at Michigan there were 25,000 students and only 8 of us
were in the Wood Technology department. Michigan was one of the best schools in
America in that field, but in retrospect I believe that was a bad mistake going
there. Michigan is a very high level school and I was badly out of my class in
Michigan. I loved Michigan and loved my field but I was a very poor student and
always on the ragged edge of flunking out.
There was a gorgeous girl that was a
secretary in the office of my department that all the boys were gunning for. I
wanted to be a ladies man but I was a bad washout with the girls. I fell in
love with June Anderson but I knew I had no chance in competing with so many
other pursuing man. I knew I needed divine help, and asked the pastor of the
church I attended for counseling.
My mother was very religious and I was
raised going to church. We were very good liberals and knew that all religions
were the same. It didn't matter what you believed if you were only sincere. Of
course we knew the Bible wasn't true and I had never heard the word salvation.
The church I attended at Michigan was strongly liberal and the pastor was a fierce
opponent to conservative Christianity. Amen, that is what I believe and loved
it. The church was a large Presbyterian church and the pastor was a dynamic man
and and excellent speaker. There were a number of assistant pastors, and when I
asked for pastoral counseling, I got assigned to one of the lesser men. The day
of my first session I told him flat out I wanted to know how do you make
deals with God? What do you have to do to get God to do something for you?
Go to church every Sunday? Join the church, sing in the choir? Give money? Be a
holy man? What do you have to do to make a deal with God? Had it been a
satanist church I would have made a deal with the devil. For six months or more
I really gave it my best shot. I became a very earnest Christian (unsaved), and
desperately prayed that God would give me that girl. She liked me very much,
but she married a friend of mine.
My last year at Michigan was one of the
worst years of my life. It seemed that God was my enemy. The thing where I
tried to do my best, and the thing that I wanted more than anything else,
always turned against me. Everything I touched turned to mud. Depression
set in and thoughts of suicide were constantly with me. But how could I
kill myself? I was taking a course of chemistry and we were handling some
extremely dangerous chemicals. One night I was alone in the laboratory and
stole a test tube of phenol crystals. For months I carried three things in my
pocket; my car keys, loose change, and my phenol crystals. I was extremely close
to the morning when I would wake up and decide that today is the day to end it
all.
I have no idea how it happened, but one
day the assistant pastor of my church was driving down the road and thought, “It
has been a long time since I have seen Bill Cook.” I had moved since the
last time I had seen him, but miraculously he knocked at my door in the
boarding house where I was living. We talked for well over an hour and I shared
with him my plans to end it all. He suggested, “Don't you think you might be
jumping for the pan to the fire?” “I don't care. Nothing could be worse than
this.” Then he said, “I am a pastor. Would you like me to pray for you?” For
the first time in my life I was terrified. I desperately didn't want him to
pray but I was terrified if he didn't. I said, “I don't care. Do what you
want.” “No I am going to make you make that decision.” That was the
most critical moment of my life. Finally I blurted out, “Well do something
but get out of here”. I have no idea whether or not he was a saved man. Maybe
not. I have no idea what He prayed, but as he prayed God broke my heart. I was
sobbing so hard I couldn't hear. We shook hands at the door and I went straight
to the bath room to flush my phenol crystals down the toilet.
That life-saving event took place about
a week short of the end of the school year. That summer I had Air Force ROTC
summer camp. I showed up at Lockbourn AFB with a huge chip on my shoulder, but
at the end of that summer camp it was a very chasten young man who hung around to
ask the drill officer what went wrong. In retrospect I have always been amazed
at the grace that officer was able to share with me my defective character and
my ability to take it. That was a pivotal moment of my life. I realized I had
serious problems that a piece of paper was not going to help. Rather than
returning to Michigan to finish my education I opted to go into the Air Force
Aviation Cadet Corps to go through pilot training the hard way with severe
military discipline.
I loved it. The training was
unbelievably difficult, but I was more in my element with fellow cadets than
high academic atmosphere at Michigan. The Air Force wanted pilots – not PHDs. I
had only been in service six months when I met two outstanding young men who
were totally committed, witnessing, Christians. I say these were the first
Christians I had ever met. In retrospect I see now there were others but these
two fellows were different, and they introduced me to a Christian society that
I never knew existed. I'm sure I have told you the details of my conversion
many times before, but it certainly was non-typical. Usually there is some
crisis that drives people to Jesus. In my case it was the opposite. I was at an
all-time high in life. I was doing well in one of the most elite, prestigious,
organizations in the military. I had no pressing problems. I had no conviction
of sin. There was nothing that I really needed, but I was challenged by the
suggestion that it was possible for a man to know God, and Johnny Gilman told
me that Jesus would change my life if I would let Him. I had never heard of
such a thing. As I pondered the possibility of having a new life, my mind went
back to that dark moment in Michigan. I was fine right now but I knew it
wouldn't last and then what? You know the rest of that story. Thank God, Gilman
was right, and Jesus did infinitely more than anything I could possibly
imagine. Had it not been for that minor, assistant pastor thinking, “It has
been a long time since I have spoken to Bill Cook”; and knocking on my door, it
is highly unlikely that I would be writing this letter today. Thank the Lord.
bill
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