Dear Phyllis,
You may have to forgive this letter. Whether in the flesh or
spirit I know not, but there is a subject on my heart that I would at least
like to discuss with you.
Rosemary is very much a dead issue with me. I have given up
all hope of seeing the Lord’s salvation. Everything that has happened to me in
the past 12 years and 99% of what I see around me substantiates a very strong
argument that there is no salvation. When families come unglued I know of
extremely few happy endings. The Bill Rees situation is one of the most
appalling testimonies in Japan
I seldom think this way but in my heart THERE IS NOTHING
THAT I WOULD LOVE TO SEE MORE THAN CHRIST
BEING HONORED IN OUR MARRIAGE. I was amazed at the silence of the Lord in never
speaking to Rosemary about what I thought was BASIC. But four years ago He did
speak to her about returning and fulfilling her marriage vows. The MIRICAL
LETTER was indeed an answer to prayer and the kind of activity that I would
expect from the Lord. The Lord is very reticent in using strong arm tactics but
four years ago was as close to strong arm tactics that I believe we can expect
from Christ. When Bill Goodman ask Rosemary why she asked me to come home she
replied, “Because the Lord strung me up by my thumbs.” She was on the verge of
hospitalization and probably would have gone under if I had not returned
immediately. But as soon as she got on her feet she began to flex her muscles
and kept me at arm length. I’m sure I have told you all about the various
things that I thought were unfortunate during the year I was with her. I
believe a large responsibility for the failure lies at the door of Bill
Goodman. He taught her the doctrine of “Boundaries”, that I call “Barriers”.
It might be a good message for a battered woman but, biblically speaking, it is
the perfect antithesis of dedication. I listened to the tapes and read the
books and the missing note is – they never talk about the will of God. Their
whole message is “You don’t have to take it. Draw the line and say ‘this far
and no further’”. I asked Rosemary if she thought we should draw the line on
the Lord and at first she said “yes”. But then she corrected herself and said it
would not be necessary because the Lord would never be a brute or ask us to do
anything we didn’t want to do. Anyway, Rosemary drew the line on me all over
the place. Secondly I insisted that we have a public service to reaffirm our
wedding vows to each other but we couldn’t agree on wedding vows. Goodman
offered us a suggested set that was so offensive I refused to have any part in
something that was that odious to the Bible. For one year I unilaterally gave
myself to her mujoken (unconditionally) but that seemed to be a mistake. I
believe I should have set higher standards and stuck to them.
What I am saying now is that I very much would love to be
remarried to Rosemary but I have very firm standards that I would insist on and
this would require a radical reversal of the theological position Rosemary held
while we were together the last year. I would insist on the headship of the
husband and the submission of the wife as spelled out in Eph. 5:22-24. I would
insist on a relationship such as you had (have) with Ted. I would insist on her
coming to Japan US
I would be very surprised if Rosemary has any inclinations
at all to embrace that life. I suspect she still considers herself a fortunate
woman to at last be free from the oppression of a tyrannical husband. I would
imagine my conditions would be utterly unacceptable to her and she would have
no desire to submit herself to such harsh demands. I am not a suitor trying to
make a bargain with her. I put up with too much nonsense for 30 years and I am
not going to unilaterally prostrate myself before her and subscribe to
something that I consider to be a blatant violations of fundamental Bible
teaching. And, of course, I am well aware of the verses that follow verse 24 in
Eph. 5. I failed miserably, but I did try to fulfill the Lord commands on me
even if it meant giving up my ministry. I gave up my ministry for Rosemary
three times and the last two times only made the situations worse.
The reason I am writing you like this is that I like to
believe you have some love in your heart for the both of us and would like to
see us happily married again. I am not asking you to be a promoter. I am not
asking you try to persuade Rosemary to return to me. Please don’t try to
influence her. All I am doing is stating my position. If the Lord would ever
work in her heart giving her any desire to have a husband and see the family
united again, I believe you are in a unique position to help. You are the only
one Rosemary has been close to for the past 12 years that I believe has a
proper view of marriage and I would have confidence your consoling. She had
that friend in Burley that she had Bible studies with for two years that was
very conservative but somehow I got catty whompus with them. The last time I
talked with her husband he railed at me and said, “I haven’t seen a thing of
Christ in you!”; so I suspect they were pretty sympathetic with her. I have not
found it very helpful doing much thinking or praying about the possibility of
seeing the marriage saved, but that dream last night was the first time in a
long time that I considered the possibility of the Lord’s salvation.
Years ago I used to try to outgive the Lord and sometimes I
did get a stroke of two ahead. But then the Lord would always come along with a
bigger shovel than I did. In recent years I have felt that the Lord has taken
me off His payroll and stopped supporting me. I have had to work to support
myself and I still have done a lot of work for which I have never been
rewarded. A year and a half ago I did a tremendous amount of work for a family
in Nara Nara SEA .
I think this is the first time in 10 years that anything like that has
happened. I was recently was thinking that I had an account with the Lord of
unpaid wages but I thought the Lord must figure that I just am not worth much.
Of course God is no mans debtor. He rewards us far more than our worth or what
we could imagine. Of course my ministry is unto Christ and if I am not rewarded
here it will show up on the books in heaven. But I was tremendously encouraged
by this gift from Nara
Last Saturday I went up to Minakami to do the bungee jump. I
came away with mixed emotions. We didn’t find the place where they jump off a
bridge 200 feet in the air but we did find a bungee jump off a 70-foot tower. I
was pretty disappointed, but the price was less than half of the bridge so I
paid my money and jumped off the tower. I was surprised that it was a little
bit spooky. That was a first time experience and felt funny to jump headfirst
off a tower 70 feet in the air, but it was disappointing that the bungee was so
gentle. One thing that was surprising was that the bungee did jerk me back up
almost as high as the platform but the second drop wasn’t as exciting as the
first free fall. Then it settled down to oscillations that was like riding a
high vertical Tarzan swing.
This month I am the busiest I have been in a long time. I
have a big list of high priority jobs that have to be done right now. We are
putting in a new large press, which means we have to make major renovations to
the building. Lord willing a month from now I will heading south. It would be
nice to have a little more funds to play with than I have enjoyed up to now. If
I did have money I could fly places like missionaries do, but I have always
gone the cheapest local transportation which often is unbelievably Spartan. I
have been on a lot of buses that would have been a challenge to Hudson Taylor Japan Vietnam Laos Laos
I had better close this letter and go to bed with much love
and prayers.
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