Dear Phyllis,
This past week has been
interesting. Monday morning a friend called and dropped a bomb. He had a
nuclear problem in his house and asked my advice.
Josh has a 21 year old son
that is about half saved. The boy has made a profession of faith but shows
little evidence of a serious commitment to follow Christ. Unfortunately, he has
a weak drive- engine to do anything in life. He is seriously under-motivated and
has never held down a responsible job. But recently he came up with one factor
that has highly motivated him. He has a sweet little girl friend.
About a week ago Josh got up
one morning and notice two pairs of shoes outside the door of his son’s room.
The door was locked but he was able to get in the room. Two naked youngsters
were lying in bed.
Needless to say there was a
problem. Josh sent out of his mind and threw both youngsters out of the house.
Yoe was thrilled. When he got out of the house, he and his girl friend moved in
with another Christian family who took them in. Now he was on a honeymoon where
he could sleep with his girl friend every night, openly, with no restriction.
I advised Josh that I really
didn’t think it was wise to reward fornication with such a blessing as to be
able to do it freely. I suggested that serious discipline was imperative. His
wife is very tender and soft on her son, and doesn’t want to see him hurt. Josh
took the matter to the pastor, and made it a church problem. Indeed it is a church
problem. By definition, this is a church problem when any church has members
openly living in sin. Yoe was also a member of the worship team playing his
guitar for Sunday morning worship.
The first recommendation was
an immediate marriage. I was opposed to that for several reasons. One was Sui is
only 15. But a more serious reason was that I felt it imperative that severe
discipline must be implemented. If Yoe is ever going to be saved, he must learn
one of the first lessons of life – that is; there are serious consequences for
sin. Sin is not the doorway to blessing. Unless serious discipline – with real
pain – is implemented, it is dishonoring to the Lord and disastrous for the
offender.
Josh asked, “What can I do
that would bring real pain?” I suggested, “The most painful thing that could
happen to him would be to deprive him from seeing his girl friend?” Josh asked,
“How can I do that?”
“Have her live with you. Put
the boy out on his own”
That seemed like a huge plus-plus
solution. The girl comes from a terrible broken home and has, virtually, no responsible
parents. She was living with an aunt. She would love to live with the Josh
family. She gets along very well with his wife, and Noe would be an excellent
Christian mother for Sui. Josh is an American, but the family is Thai. If Sui
lived with them, that would give her an excellent foundation as a Christian,
and she could learn English free by just living in that home. She shows signs
of being a very obedient young lady who would bloom in that environment.
Yoe needs to be on his own to
prove himself as a responsible young man holding down a job, and submitting
himself to church discipline. Josh suggested to the pastor that the young
couple should be disciplined openly in the church. Yoe should be put off the
worship team. They should be required to publicly confess their sin before the
church and repent. Their sin is not only against God but also against the church.
Then there should be a three month moratorium imposed where the young couple
were forbidden to have any contact with each other. After that time, they could
have limited social contact. But if they failed, and secretly met before the
probation period was over, the probation would be extended.
At first, the pastor balked
against openly confessing sin and thought three months was too severe. He would
accept two months prohibition. But then the devil took over.
Yoe kicked the slat and
threatened if he could not see his girl friend every night he would run with
bad buddies and get into drugs. His mother caved. She would rather see her boy sleeping
with his girl friend every night than out on the street. If marriage would fix
that, then immediate marriage was the only solution. Apparently the pastor
caved also. Josh and I had many lengthy talks last week. He is a real man of
God, but resignedly said, “You are right, but this is Thailand
Effectively, what has
happened is that the devil has taken over. Rather than the pastor steering the
ship, the devil has taken the wheel and presented two options. In order to save
the boy, he must be exempt from discipline, and sin must be rewarded. If discipline
is implemented, the boy will follow the devil and go out on the street. This
seems to be the way the scenario is going. The pastor must accept one of the
devils options.
But to accept either of the
devils options would be disastrous. Leaving apart the damage this will be to
the entire church – where the door is swung open for unrestrained sin – the
option for no discipline, and an immediate marriage, would be unbelievably disastrous
for both the boy and the girl. He has declared that he will not accept church discipline.
To back off, would be to encourage him to live a life of defiance to Christ. He
can call the shots and the pastor will back down. Marriage with, free sex every
night, might keep him off the street for six months, but when that gets old there
is nothing in his character to hold him on course for life. By being exempt
from discipline he is being deprived from the most important lesson he needs in
life.
Beyond the terrible
consequence this will bring on the church and the boy, I feel it is a tragedy
for the little girl. At the most critical period of her life, she has a
tremendous opportunity to live with a Christian family. She could continue her
education, experience the love of Christ in a family, and learn English – which
would give her huge advantage in life. Instead of that, she will find herself
married at 15 to a young man who refuses discipline, and is highly
irresponsible. What are the odds for a happy marriage? Fat chance!
If the pastor would take a
stand, and challenge the devil’s threat of the boy going out on the street, he
really wouldn’t be loosing a thing. The boy out on the street doing drugs may
be closer to salvation than playing guitar on the worship team in a church
where the love of Christ is presented with the wonderful license to live a life
of unrestrained sin. Excusing sin certainly won’t bring salvation. During one
of their times of discussion, the pastor confessed to Noe that he already has
four couples in the church who are living in fornication. He thought it might
be a move in the right direction if at least one couple actually got married.
As I read the Bible, Jesus
never preached a message on the love of God as presented in churches today. The
first message Jesus ever preached was REPENT! (Mk. 1:15). He told the wonderful
story of the Prodigal Son. But the boy only got restored to the father after “he
came to himself” and went home (Lk. 15:11 -25).
Even John 3:16 is followed by the melancholic warning that men prefer darkness
to light, and the certainty of condemnation of those who do not respond
appropriately to the Gospel (Jn. 3:18-21).
May God help us to all
tighten down in our own individual lives, bill
bill
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