Phone?

17 May 2020

Dear Phyllis,

Gomen nasai for two letters today, A lady was over the other night for a barbecue and I told her one of my best stories. I know I have told you this one before but it deserves repeat.

I'm a dinosaur with modern electronics, Cell phone are past my pay scale, but when I was in Japan last year Sam gave me a phone to use, I was going to a church about an hour away from his place and it was necessary to have a phone to call him from the eki (train station) so he could come to get me. He had it set up so all I had to do was push a certain button and the phone would do the rest. That was just barely inside the limits of my skill level.

The third Sunday I was there I was on my back home from church, about 15 minutes from Kyoto, and decided to call Sam so he could get to the eki about the time the train arrived. I reached in my pocket to pull out my cell phone and was terrified that someone had switched phones with me at church. I don't know how it happened but this isn't my phone. My phone is black and this one is white. You talk about panic time; Adrenalin doesn't get any thicker. I felt like I was stranded on the moon with no way back to earth. I didn't even know his number so I couldn't go to a pay phone to call him. His house was 10 km from the eki and I didn't know the road to walk home. But in my desperation I thought of one solution. I thought if I knew how to push the right button on this phone I might get someone who knew Sam and they could call him to tell him I was at the eki. There was a hotel right beside the eki, so when I got to Kyoto I went in to get help. There was a nice man behind the front desk and I walked up to him to explain my problem. I said, “I'm sorry sir, but I don't know how to use this dumb thing. Could you please explain to me how to make a call?” He looked at my white phone and said, “This is no cell phone. This is the remote control for an air con:.

In the mean time Sam had got back from church and it was steaming hot in the house. He tried to turn on the air conditioning but couldn't find the remote control. Sweat was dripping off his nose as he desperately looked around for the air con control. Finally he saw a table with my cell phone sitting on it. He thought, “Bill must have accidentally taken the air con control instead of his phone”. He called the church to ask what time I had left. Then judging by the travel time he calculated what time I should get to Kyoto.

I was somewhat humiliated when the man behind the desk told me I was trying to make a phone call with a remote air con control, but I was marvelously relieved when I walked outside to see Sam pull up in his car to get me.. Sam thought it was a pretty good story, but I always wondered what the wife of the man behind the desk thought when he went home that night to tell her about some dumb gaijin (foreigner) who came in the hotel trying to make a phone call with an air con control. There is a common expression in Japan about dumb gaijins, but this has to be on a whole new level.

                                       bill