Bill's Last PB Letter

 

18 Oct 2020

Dear Phyllis,

I'm still here, but just barely. I am in the hospital. I had been in free fall for the past two week, and Friday I hit the jolly bottom and went through it. For the first time I hit the place where I could do nothing, Pammy and I had been talking about going to the hospital to have things checked, but when she said, “ Lets go”, I said. “No way, I can't do it today”. Four members from our Beulah Church were at our house most of the day. At 2:00 in the afternoon some gal came in to take my blood pressure. I asked, “Who is this?”. Pammy replied, “She is with the ambulance crew who have come to pick you up. The ambulance is waiting outside”. It took two men from the church and the ambulance driver to get me outside 20 feet where they had a wheel chair that extended to a stretcher. I had planned, if we went to the hospital I would have her get a wheel chair to wheel me into the hospital, but when we got there I realized the only way I could have gotten in was on a rolling table. The folk from the church were with us. We hadn't been there 30 minutes when Beverly, the missionary who started the church 30 years ago, told me, “Pammy had to go home to get some more tracts”. She always carries bags full, but now she ran out and had to go get some more.

The main things was to check my blood. By 4:00 I talked to a doctor who told me I had two problems. The blood test showed I had a lot of infection in my blood and there were quite a bit of cancer cells. “Thanks. I've known that for two years. What's new?”. He told me, “We have some very good anti-biopic therapy that can clean up the infection and maybe help the cancer blood cells, but you will have to stay here for 4-7 days”. “No way! I'm going home. I'll take outpatient, but I am not staying here over night. I'll see you in the morning”. I lost that argument. By 5:00 I was in a ward room. In retrospect, it had been a very good day. I had been as comfortable lying on a table in the hospital as I would have been at home. I knew I was in the right place, and the fellowship with the folks from the church had been excellent. Praise the Lord! I was right where He wanted me.

They immediately started a lot of IVs. I didn't like being in a ward room with a lot of old people but shikata ga nai” (nothing you can do about it). All the beds have high guard rails around them so the patients cannot get out. I told a nurse, “I'm going to need a bed pan”. She gave me one for the time when need arose. They have adult pampers for all patients. No thank you. At 2:00 AM a nurse came in to change pampers and give me a new one. “No way! I don't need one”. I had talked a nurse into letting down the guard rail on one side of my bed, but the night nurse got mad at me and put it back up. Great! Now I'm trapped in like a cat in a box that I can't get out of, and no bed pan. My only hope was to climb over the guard rail and look for my bed pan. Ten hours previous that would have been impossible. It was Herculean, but I was able to do it and, praise God, I found the bed pan. Man howdy, did that feel good. Just as I finished a nurse showed up who let the side rail down again. I crawled back in bed and suddenly realized what a miracle that had been. I was wet with sweat, but 10 hours previous that would have been unthinkable. Thursday I was convinced this was a one way down experience from which I would not recover. Now I will be surprised if I am not back on my feet soon.

Yesterday was a remarkable good day. I felt well enough to try to walk to the bathroom. It turned out that the bathroom was the other side of the globe. It was several time zones away. It was like walking from LA to Texas. The bathroom was at the end of a very long hall nearly 70 meters (170 feet) away. With Pammy's help I did get there, but had to sit down to rest half way back. But that was 15 times my best atheletic achievement the day before. I won't say I am 15 times better but I certainly am 3-5 times improved.

I really like this hospital. We can easily see why the Lord kept His hand on us to keep us from going to the one we intended. We planned on going to the top-of-the-line university hospital the other side of Chiang Mai. This is a brand new hospital only 5 km (3 miles) from our house. It is not a new one but a rebuild cheap government hospital that has only been opened 6 months. I am sure it is vastly cheaper and the closest one to our house.

Pammy has been the hero. The fact that I am here can be 98% attributed to her. Last night she was here until 9:00 PM before she went home. I feel like a pin cushion. Last night I had two IVs going, one in each hand and one more waiting to go. At 1:00 AM two nurses came in to pull the IVs. I had my eyes closed most of the time. But one nurse was exceptional. After she pulled the IV needles she rubbed my hand. Then she rubbed my arm, Then she rubbed my stomach, and finally wound up, laying across my body. I thought, “My goodness, I have never seen such an aggressive nurse”. I opened my eyes and was shocked to see it was Pammy. She had gone home but couldn't sleep, so she had come back to see me. After the needle brigade, I was finally able to fall deeply asleep. Some time around 6:00 AM or later a nurse came in to take my blood pressure. Pammy had been there all night and tried to wake me. I DID NOT want to wake up. I knew she was calling, but didn't want to answer. Then she said, “There are some very pretty Christmas lights in the states on You Tube”. I did not want to look at Christmas lights on You Tube, but the weirdest thing happened. I could see a map of the US all lit up with Christmas lights, but it was so bright and blinding that I couldn't sleep. I said, “I can see the lights. Please turn them off”. Pammy was panic struck. She was sure I was dead or dying and was frantically trying to wake the dead. I was awake enough to be empathetic. I knew what she was up against and could get inside her to feel what she was feeling. But I was dead- not literally - but dead tired and I didn't want to wake up. She stated crying. I could have cried too – not because I was dying, but because I wanted her to leave me alone. By then the argument over waking up had grown so intense I was awake enough for the nurse to check my blood pressure. Pammy is clinging to me like a burr on a coyote's tail.

Pammy is really a rare jewel. She is a girl that I didn't want and pleaded with Jesus to keep me from making a mistake and marrying her. I did it simply was an act of obedience that I felt it was the will of God. Our first few years could not have been worse. She did everything possible to be bad. I could have killed her for 1/5 the bad stunts she pulled. But I stayed with it because I thought it was the will of God. She has come around remarkably. The biggest thing that has changed is that I have quit trying to change her to be the kind of person that I think she should be, and just accept her the way God has made her. Spiritually she is one in a million. There may be a few in Russia or China but I doubt that there is another person in America like her.

Financially we are in the best shape we have ever been in. The cost of health care here is a fraction of what it is in the states. But the cost of a fraction of astronomic is still considerably outside our budget. If any one would care to help us cover this medical expense, the way to do it is to contact Wayne Thomas at – thomcat222@comporium.net. For a year or more Wayne has been helping us and has set up the best financial system I have heard of. Somehow he puts money in a bank in the states and it immediately shows up on our Bangkok Bank account in Chiang Mai. I cannot tell you what a life-saver Wayne has been. Any funds that would get to Wayne would be here immediately.

Last week I wrote you that I thought I was at the River. It looks like I was wrong. If things develop like they have in the past three days I am going to have to get a towel, dry my feet, put my cowboy boots back on, and keep following Jesus for a few more kilometers. At this point, and Trump wins the election to save America, it may be possible to get that cup of coffee that I have been looking for and we can share together the wonderful works of God. Thank you for your prayers. He may have answered them.

Your indebted brother in Christ,

bill     

Bill's Death

 Dear Blog Readers,

Bill Cook passed away last Thursday after a struggle with cancer in his eye and complications.  Many of you may already know this through Bill's posting.  This will be the end of the blog for PBLetters.  It's been an eventful 10 years.

Gary, Blog Poster for Bill Cook's PB Letters 

Eye Sight

11 October 2020

Dear Phyllis,

1989 to 1991 was easily the darkest moment of my life. That was the top of the slide into hell. After Rosemary told me that she had given her body to another man and was determined to leave me, I got engaged in the most intense spiritual battle of my life. No one ever tried harder to save their family and marriage than me. For two years it was like trying to pray the brass horns off a billy goat. I begged God, I prayed, I pleaded – all to no avail. Reality turned out to be much worse than my fears. In my worst thought I could not imagine that things could turn out as badly as they did.

When I hit the jolly bottom the Lord spoke a very critical word to me. In 1961 I heard Joe Carroll preach a tremendous message on Ps. 27:4 – One thing have I desired of the Lord; that will I seek after: to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life; to behold the beauty of the Lord and esquire in His tabernacle”. I choose that to be my life verse. When I exhausted myself praying for the salvation of my family, the Lord said to me, “You have spent 30 years talking about this verse but you have never practiced it”. Gong. I knew He was right. I decided, “Okay I will quit praying for my family and give myself to practicing one thing – to behold the beauty of the Lord”. I did. For one month. I never saw a cotton picken thing.

That brought up four vital questions. Are you supposed to see something? What are you supposed to see it? How do you see it” And if you don't see anything – why? As I prayed over these four questions, the Lord started at the end to explain it to me. The answer to the question on why I didn't see anything was simple. Poor eye sight. Then the Lord told me He had some medicine to cure poor eyesight. But it wasn't free. It had a price on it. “I counsel you to buy of Me eye salve that you may see” (Rev, 3:18). I told the Lord, “Lord Jesus, if You have some eye salve to cure my blindness, sign me up. What does it cost?” What He told me after that has been some of the most essential tools I ever learned..

The first price Jesus told me was a single eye. He said if I had that my body would be full of light. The opposite of a single eye was not plural but evil. (Lk. 11:34). Realistically speaking, Jesus told me if I wanted to improve my eyesight I would have to cut down on competing interests, Being obsessed over my family salvation was one. I had to let go of that and think more about Jesus. Being consumed by that problem and spending 24/7 thinking about it did not produce faith, On the contrary, it was highly toxic. If we can just let Jesus fill the vision of our thoughts in our mind, it sure helps the eyesight. When your mind is full of junk, it is very difficult to see anything spiritually., and we certainly are not going to see the beauty of the Lord.

The next price that Jesus told me the eye salve was going to cost was discipline. If we don't have a degree of self-discipline we are like a weather vane turning to any direction the wind of personal pleasure is pointing. We make resolutions that we are going to read more of the Bible but in very few cases are those resolution actually met. We have to be a little disciplined in where we let our thoughts go and the most important is that we must be disciplined in keeping the promises we make to Jesus. It is real easy to be slip-shod about going to bed at night and sleeping in the next morning..

In 1966 Malcolm Kromp was the speaker in Karuizawa. He told about a Christian man in his church who had been very much on fire for Christ but cooled off. The man had an accident at work one day and was hospitalized for two weeks. When Pastor Kromp went to see him in the hospital he noticed a stack of girly magazines on his bed stand. He asked, “What is this?” “Oh, of course I don't look at the pictures, but there are some interesting articles that I read.” “This is serious. I'm taking these magazines'. “But pastor I haven't read them yet.” “From now on I am putting you on a diet of Bible only. No books, no magazines, and no TV. Bible only. I will come to see you every day”. The next day when he went to see him he asked, “How is it going?” . “Oh, pastor, this is awful. I am going out of my mind”. Everyday it got worse. He begged, “Pastor please let me read some thing else. The Bible is so boring” Then the forth day when Pastor Krump visited him, he met a whole new man. The brother said, “This morning I thought I was going out of my mind. I picked up my Bible and started to read at random. God spoke to me”. He burst into tears and was wonderfully restored to his joy in the Lord.. Discipline is necessary to stay with it even when it is boring.

The third price Jesus told me the eye salve would cost was TIME. To meet with the Lord frequently cost a great deal of time. We must spend a lot of time waiting in God.

In 1940 Merle Dehaan published to small daily devotional booklet called Our Daily Bread. It has been the most popular Christian publication ever produced. In millions of homes across America there are the monthly copies of Our Daily Bread in the bathroom next to the toilet or on the kitchen table. In tens of million Christian families this is read every day while sitting on the toilet, or at the table having family devotions before a meal. There is no question the contents are excellent. There is always a Bible reading you are supposed to read and then a brief good Christian testimony. I am not opposed to reading Our Daily Bread, but I am intensely opposed to thinking that is daily devotions. Spending time with Jesus is not reading Our Daily Bread while sitting on the toilet. And real family devotions should involve everyone pitching in. I would say a minim,um time of devotions would be 20 minutes.

When God called Moses to meet with Him on the mountain. Moses sat there in silence for six days. It was on the seventh day that God spoke to Moses (Ex. 24: 16). Sometimes we wait a long time and Jesus has nothing to say. An at last we hear His Voice. Sitting in silence is not easy but sometimes it is necessary. Daily devotions is not reading one or two chapters from the Bible and then reciting a wish list. David said it was beholding the beauty of the Lord. Real worship cannot be real unless we are actually seeing His beauty and telling Him how overwhelmed we are with it. It is impossible to be engaged with realty by looking at a blank wall and raving, “Oh, how wonderful You are, Oh how beautiful You are. Oh how I love you” That ain't real. You are looking at a blank wall. But when the Holy Spirit reveals to us something about Jesus, that out pouring of worship is genuine. It is okay to tell your wife you love her even if you don't feel like it. And it is okay to praise Jesus even if your heart is cold, But real worship requires revelation.

These are three things that Jesus told me I would have to pay the price if I wanted better eyesight. That was 29 years ago. Since then I know the answers to all four question I had at that time. Yes I have seen His beauty, but it wasn't what I thought. Jesus isn't beautiful because He has a 48 inch chest. His beauty is not physical but His character. When we see His character we can only say, “You are beautiful”

Jesus said, “God is a Spirit and those who worship Him must worship in the Spirit” (Jn. 4:24). Tragically; much of our worship today is in the soul level.. We have a lot of soulish activity - good music, interesting sermons – but very little activity in the realm of the Spirit. One time I was speaking in a Japanese church. At the end the leader said, “Let's thank Cook sensei for this wonderful message”. And they all applauded. I stood up and said. “I appreciate your thanks, but if you can applaud that means you have only been entertained. If God had spoken to you your would walk out in tears and silent.”

I am not David and I am not spending my life in His temple beholding the beauty 0f the Lord, but I have seen some of it, and all I can say is that He is wonderful. Thank you Lord.

                                               bill

 

At the River

10- October 2020

Dear Phyllis,

I may be at the River, If this is it, I have only stuck my toe in the water The water is surprisingly warm. It is just about body temperature. I have thought I have been at the River a couple times in the past, but it turned out to be a mud puddle or a wet towel someone left on the floor.

When I was in the Air force before going overseas I had to go through a survival school at Stead AFB, Reno, Nevada. Part of that course was to do a survival trek through the Sierra Nevada mountains up near Lake Tahoe. They took us up in the mountains and we had to do a seven day, 50 mile trek, with two days rations of food and a 30 lbs pack on our back. There were seven of us in my group and we took turns leading each day. The day that it was my turn to lead was easily the most critical leg. We had to cross the Truckee River and there was only one place where there was a ford shallow enough to wade across. I had a topographical map that showed elevation in rings. We had two instructors with us in case we got in a life or death situation, but they would let us get lost, and if you did, you had a real big problem on your hands. I did reasonably well all day following the map and at 5:00 that evening we came out in a clearing on top of a low hill looking straight down on the Truckee. I checked my map and was terrified that there was a mountain on ,my left side where a valley was supposed to be and a valley on the right where there was supposed to be a hill. Panic time! I had a complete mental blank. As I stood there in terror wondering what to do, one of the instructors came up to me and said. “Congratulation, lieutenant. You have done an excellent job. You're right exactly where you are supposed to be”. What a relief!

I don't know if this is the crossing of the River where I am supposed to be or not. I don't know if this is a shallow ford or deep water where you have to swim. But I do know that sooner or later I must come to that River and make my way across it. But however I get across that River the fact that it is the border to the Celestial City can only be joyous news..

Seven years ago the wife of a close friend called saying her husband and please come immediately. John was past conversation. He was lying there groaning in death throes. I walked up and said, “Congratulations, John. You are number one in line”. He wasn't talking but his mind was still clear. He didn't like my remark. His eyes just flashed in terror. He didn't want to die. It turned out that he lasted forever. The next afternoon I said to him, “John, the deep part is behind you. The water gets shallower from here on in”. That evening at 11:00 his boyhood buddy was standing there with me and I asked Dan, “What are you going to do? I'm going home”. Dan replied, “We have been friends all our lives. I am not going to leave him now.” The next morning Noi called to tell us that John had passed away at 2:30. I asked Dan, “How did it go at the end?” He said, “John was just lying there peacefully resting. Gradually his breathing began to slow down. It got slower and slower and finally John set his feet on dry ground on the other side The pastor asked me to pray at the funeral. My heart was bursting with joy, John had been walking towards that City all his life. Now he was there. It can't get any better than that.

I really don't know if I am at the River or not. If we were going to take bets here, I believe the odds would be on the side that this is not something from which I will recover. Pammy is making plans for my funeral. She doesn't think I will make it to Christmas. I think she is wrong. About two weeks ago my energy level went into free fall; First I was operating on 50% energy, then 20%, then it went to zero. I feel fine. I am in good health, but I just don't have the energy to do anything. Hyper overexertion is not a real good experience. That is when you overshoot the mark and put out more energy than you have to spend. You don't pay the price when you stop, but ten seconds later. All you can do is lie on the ground or your bed and writhe in pain. Your heart is racing like crazy. You are gasping for breath, and your whole body is screaming in pain. This will last for 2 or 3 minutes until your body slows down and after 10 minutes you are back to normal. I am locked in a body where the will is there to do things, but the body flat refuses to cooperate. The bar for hyper overexertion is set extremely low. If I stay inside the envelope there is no problem, but if I cross that line it gets real expensively as there is a dear price to pay, I can still walk up stairs but when I do I have to lay down immediately panting for breath. I had very similar problem five years ago where I became a complete invalid. I went to two doctors, both of whom told me I was the healthiest man in Thailand. One doctor told me maybe I should see a psychiatrist. I have a friend who is a psychiatrist and she said she never heard anything like that. Before, I just let my body do what it wanted. That was to stay in bed 20 hours a day. This time I am fighting it and try to push the limit every day with exercise. I got up to where I walked 400 meters, but that took an hour and three 20 minutes breaks in between.

The biggest thing that is different this time is that supposedly I have cancer in my body. I am so healthy I can't imagine how I can die of this. All my organs are excellent, but, man howdy. there is no fuel in the tank. Pammy took me to school this morning. I flat could not ride my bike that far. I was able to sit and talk to the children for 40 minutes, but then I had to lay down and rest for an hour.

I don't know. I don't think this is the River, but if it is, this is the most wonderful place I have ever been. The other day I read in Isiah three times where it said “Fear not”. I laughed and said, “That doesn't apply to me”. It has been so long since fear has crossed my mind that I have forgotten what it feels like. Fear is so far from me that it isn't in my lexicon. The room where I am now is totally aseptic of fear. There is not a molecule of fear in this room. My goodness, what is there to be afraid of? Jesus has His arms around me and NOTHING can get to me without going through Jesus. It is like being in a 747 and be afraid the plane won't hold you. If the plane can hold 200 or 300 other passengers it is not likely that my seat is going to fall out. Sit back and relax.

Praying for healing is almost a dirty word now. To pray for healing is to say “I want...” The only time Jesus came close to saying those words was in the garden when He prayed three time, “Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me”. But He always added, “Nevertheless, not My will but Thy will be done”. The only scenario where I would say “I want” is if Jesus would lay two things on the Table and ask me which one I wanted. My answer then is simple - “Lord, I want Your will. I want You to make the call”.

There are only two prayers that totally dominate my prayers. Number one; I beg God that Jesus is glorified in my body. I don't care how, only that Jesus is honored in my body. And secondly I beg Jesus to take the wheel' I don't want to touch the wheel. I don't want to make the calls for my life. Please, Lord, keep my cotton picken hands off that wheel. Let me sit in the back seat. Wherever He drives this car is exactly the place I want to go, If He heals me and keeps me here for another 15 years – fine. If I die in agony, that is His call. I have had a request that I wanted to shed my blood for Jesus, but that honor is reserved for class A Christians. Those crowns are not passed out to also-runners. I didn't want to be carried to the sky on a flowery bed of ease, while others fought to win the prize and sailed through bloody seas. But if Jesus sends a limousine to pick me up, okay. I don't care if it is a limousine, a Honda bike, a mule, an inner tube, or I just plain have to swim to get across. I have been in deep water before and Jesus has always kept His hand under my chin, lest I loose breath. It isn't likely that He will let me drown this time.

I don't know. Maybe this is the wrong crossing. If it is, I am going to have to get a towel, dry my feet, put my cowboy boots back on, and trudge on for another 20 or 30 km. But wherever I am the air sure smells good.

Thank You Jesus,

                          bill

 

Relationship

 

13 September 2020

Dear Phyllis,

The Word of God does not come to me in long well composed literary compositions, but I short emotion-packed burst of light. The other morning I opened my Bible to Isiah 42 and read, “Behold My Servant...in whom My soul delighteth...” and I burst into tears. It seemed this was the most beautiful thing I had ever read. There is nothing in heaven or earth more beautiful that the relationship between the Father and the Son. If we should never see anything else about the character of God, just a glimpse of this relationship is enough to satisfy our souls forever. In a world where everything is madness, we despair for sanity. It is like being in a category 5 hurricane where everything outside is a howling wind. Trees blowing over and sheets of metal flying by like shells from a bazooka, and then suddenly be transferred to a peaceful sunset on a tropical beech. Oh the joy of looking at that beautiful relationship.

There are only three times recorded in scripture where there was an audible Voice from heaven. The first time was at Jesus baptism when the Father broke His silence to audible say, “Thou are my beloved Son in whom My soul is well pleased” (Mk. 1:11). The second time was when God interrupted Peter on the mount and said, “This is beloved My Son – hear Him!” (Mk. 9:7). It seemed God was disturbed with Peter when he put Him in a category with Moses and Elijah. (“You don't put Him in with Moses and Elijah. THIS IS MY SON! Hear Him”) Is that clear? The third time was when Jesus said, “Now is My soul troubled. What shall I say? Save Me from this hour? But for this cause came I unto this hour. Father glorify Thy Name. Then came Voice from heaven saying, 'I have both glorified and will glorify it again'.” (Jn. 12:27,28). How proud the Father was of His Son. Adam was the first man that God created and he was a dismal failure. Jesus was the last Adam. He came to restored the damage Adam had created. Jesus was spectacular. He suffered terrific temptation – infinitely worst that what Adam faced – and Jesus won. Oh, the Father was proud of Him.

In 1988 Dave was in high school in Colorado and I had a brief trip for a month to the states. Dave came down from Colorado to meet me at my sisters home in LA. From there we planned to drive back to Colorado. Dave was just 16 and bought his first car, an Audi (he was rich) and we had to get new tires for it. While we were in a garage getting the tires put on, the mechanic was talking to Dave and asked him, “Who is that fellow with you?” Dave replied, “That is my dad. We are planning to travel together”. The mechanic said, “That is sort of a bummer isn't it?”. Dave came back, “No, I'm really looking forward to it. I want to travel with him”. The mechanic put his tools down and came over to shake hands with me. He looked at me and said, “Sir, that is the greatest thing I have ever heard in my life”. I agreed with him and thought that was the greatest thing I had ever heard in my life. A son who was devoted to his father and preferred his father above his best friends. That relationship is beautiful.

Robertson and Muriel McQuilkin were the most devoted couple I ever met. Muriel loved her husband with a passion and Robertson was an icon in loving his wife. One time I said to him, “Sometimes I get the impression you are more concerned about the noble name of McQuilkin than you are the glory of God”. Robertson stunned me with his reply. He said, “Yes, I can understand that. You would get that impression from my wife. Thank you for mentioning that to me and I will speak to her about it”. I thought, “He's right. I got it from Muriel. She just bristled whenever anyone said anything negative about her husband”. I admired them both. And when she got older and contracted Alzheimer, Robertson stepped down form being the president of Columbia Bible College and a popular international conference speaker to staying at home to care for his wife. In an interview he was asked why he would resign from such a prestigious position to being a care-giver for his wife. Robertson replied, “She spent her life taking care of me. It is the least I can do is to spend a few years now taking care of her”. Oh they were beautiful.

But the relationship between the Father and the Son is the most wonderful thing I have ever seen. What a joy just to look at it. But there is a third figure that appears here. It is so beyond comprehension that I am reluctant to mention it. There is nothing in human print like John 17. There simply is no bottom to it, It is further beyond our comprehension than the edge of the universe is from our telescopes. In Jesus prayer there are two main objects – the Lord's people and the world. In verse 6 Jesus said, “I have manifested Thy Name to the men which Thou gavest Me out of the world. Thine they were and Thou gavest them Me”. In verses 9 and 10 Jesus prayed, “I pray for them: I pray not for the world but for them which Thou hast given Me: for they are Thine: And all Mine are Thine; and Thine are Mine: and I am glorified in them”. If this doesn't make much sense to you, it doesn't to me either, but there is a relationship here that is unthinkable. Throughout His entire prayer Jesus uses this language in praying for His own people. In His prayer in verses 20 and 21 Jesus prays for all Christians in saying, “Neither do I pray for these alone (first generation, 1^st century Christians), but for them also which shall believe on Me through their word (that's us folks) that they all may be one, as Thou, Father, art in Me, and I in Thee; That they also may be one in Us.” My goodness, this means that somehow the Lord has taken us into the godhead. How is this possible? Through marriage. By being married to Jesus the Father Has taken us into His family.

The other day I was talking with a brother who hasn't been saved that long, He told me, “Sometimes when I read the Bible it is like God has left heaven to step down to be with me”. Then he walked over put his arms around me and went on, “Sometimes I feel like He is holding me in His arms. When He does I break out in goose bumps all over”. I shouted, “Yes, YEs, YES! That is exactly the way the system is supposed to work!” Then I challenged him, “I doubt that you can find 1 Christian in 20 that has any idea what you are talking about”. This is the ultimate relationship. Christians are the Bride of Christ. Our relationship, on paper, is by marriage; but the day is coming when the Bride will be joined with her Husband in a relationship that we can only imagine by looking at what a Christian marriage should be in practice. Robertson and Muriel McQuilkin came close. If we can't experience it now it is a blessing just to look at the relationship that exists between the Father and His Son.

The other morning Jesus was sharing some jewels with me in His jewel box. I reached in to take one out to handle it, and I was terribly embarrassed. My hands were filthy. They were covered with mud, grease, and slime. Any jewel I touched defiled it by getting my dirty hands on it. I asked Jesus what I should do. He gave me a very good idea. He said, “Keep your hands in your pocket and just look and admire these jewel without handling them.” That is the best way to handle spiritual truth. Oh, His truth is wonderful, but when we take it out and try to handle it with human wisdom and understanding, the best we can do is defile it.

Gomen, Phyllis, I wish I could do a better job in sharing with you some of the wonderful things Jesus is sharing with me morning by morning, but these things cannot be expressed in words. It is like good ice cream. It can only be eaten.

Otherwise it has been a good week and I feel considerable stronger than I was last week. I have no idea what Jesus has in mind for me for the next few years, but whatever it is I know it is good.

Have a good one, bill

God Opens the Door

6 September 2020

Dear Phyllis,

How I wish you were here with me. This has got to be the best time of my life. Jesus has opened the door and taken me into a room to show me things I have never seen before. The problem is that the things He has shown me are indescribable. That means you can't describe them. I believe most spiritual truth is that way. On rare occasions the Lord has revealed some of His glory to a few prophets, They did their best to describe to us what they saw and their writings are ridiculous. The most notable are Ezekiel and John. How can you describe a rainbow to a blind man? This is what we are up against.

In a poor attempt to share with you what Jesus has been doing for me; it is an overwhelming sense of His presence, and He has made spiritual truth in the Bible so real it is stronger than actually being there. One intelligible thought Jesus gave me is: Forget supper. Supper can wait. Would someone please tell Martha to turn off the stove and join her sister Mary in the other room sitting at Jesus feet listening to what He has to say. I don't know what He is talking about but whatever it is is worthwhile hearing. We can eat later.

We all know that story (Lk. 10:38-42). We are what we are by nature (DNA). Our temperaments are all different. There are the Tim LaHaye Four Basic Temperaments – choleric, sanguine, melancholic, and phlegmatic. I have known about this for many years and found it quite helpful. There is another grouping of those who are job oriented and others who are people oriented. We need them both. Martha obviously is choleric and Mary is a real melancholic. Martha is job oriented and Mary is a people person. If we didn't have Marthas in the world the job would never get done. Mary, frankly, is (was) irresponsible. In one sense Martha was right in that Mary should have been in the kitchen helping get supper ready. But Jesus was clear which one He sided with. He said “Mary has chosen the better part that will not be taken from her”.

My times with Jesus are not long, but reasonably consistent. He comes to fellowship with me in the morning. It grieves me that our time is so short - how I wish it would last all day. But afternoons and evenings belong to You Tube. Oh, when Jesus is there the Word just comes alive. Much of the rest of the day is thinking about what an unbelievable mess America is in. I have spent an enormous amount of time in Revelation recently. I am struck by the contrast in the two different scenes. Most of Revelation is talking about what is going to happen to the earth. There are the Seven Seals, Seven Trumpets, and Seven Bowels. All of this is related to the earth. But at the same time, John has given us a view of what is happening in heaven. With the exception of a couple verses that says the was a war in heaven and the devil was cast out (Rev. 12:7-12), nearly everything else is either worship or celebration. There is not a sour or pessimistic note sounded in heaven. As we watch America being burned to the ground, looking at heaven should give us a fresh breath of air.

I am greatly intrigued by the life of David. Two books of the OT are devoted to describing his life. 1 Samuel is pre-king, and 2 Samuel tell us about his life as king. Along with this we have the Psalms, Psalms has got to be one of the most difficult books in the Bible. David wrote 1/3 of the Psalms. Peter tells us that, at times, the prophets of the OT didn't know what they were writing about other than they were being moved by the Holy Spirit. I'm sure Isiah had no idea what he was writing about when he wrote Isa. 53. Likewise I doubt that David had any idea what he was writing when he wrote Ps. 22. But much of it was his own personal experience. So much of his psalms are about his troubles and enemies that I find it difficult to place this at the time he was king. If this is true that means that many psalms were written his first 30 years when he was being chased from pillar to post by Saul. I believe we can safely say the Lord was with David during both periods. He was with David when he was hiding in a cave and he was with David when he sat on the throne. Which was better? The environment and situation were much different, but the Lord was there during both times.

Our relationship of being with Jesus, or Jesus being with us, is abundantly clear in Scripture. This is the unnoticed, unsung, major messages in the Bible. His presence with us is almost the central point in both the Old Covenant and the New Covenant. Both the book of Ezekiel and Revelation end on the note of God dwelling with His people (Ez. 48:35; Rev. 21:3; 22:3,4). That is the ultimate. It can't get any better than that.

But if Jesus is with us just as He was with David in the cave, why do we live such distant lives from Him. I love the song Be Thou My Vision - “Be Thou my best thoughts by day or by night; waking or sleeping Thy presence my light” Oh how I wish that was true. The trash and nonsense that fills my mind most of the time is outrageous. How I wish all that distraction was eliminated leaving only Jesus to be admired and praised.

Samuel Rutherford said, “Jesus shows me meat but will not allow me to eat it. He holds out an apple, but when I stretch forth my arm to take it He pulls it back. He tells me to seek His face but when I do He hides so I cannot find Him.” I know exactly what he is talking about. Much of that is my experience. There is so much I see in scripture, and yet I am unable to get it from the page into my mouth. But frustration is not a bad thing. Pangs of hunger only increases the desire to eat. Being filled with hunger for Jesus is a sign of a healthy believer. Dusty Bibles are a deadly sign. fact that I can see somethings is an encouragement that reality actually does exist

How we long for the day when we shall see Him as He is, but that should not distract us from the fact that He has come and He does live in our hearts today. In that sense we do have a greater privilege that David knew when the Lord was with him in the cave.

I have been badly down for the past month. Three months ago I was walking 3 km a day. Today it is doubtful that I walk 300 meters a day. Three months ago I felt I was running at at close to 100%. At present I am running at 5-10%. I have lost a great deal of weight. My pants are now about 4 inches too big. The sores on my cheeks have gotten noticeably worse. I have had one on both sides of my face for over four years but the one on the right cheek never bled. It is bleeding now. The sore on my left cheeks has grown considerably and a great deal of fluid is draining every day. But apart from lack of energy I feel fine and have absolutely no discomfort. I decided to go to the hospital yesterday, but when I got there I noticed it was a mandatory face mask place and got so mad I didn't go in. I get pretty emotional about face masks. There hasn't been one case of covid in Chiang Mai in months and yet they act like it is the bubonic plague and we will all die if we don't wear face masks. This has absolutely nothing to do with public health safety. In the states it is black and white political. Oddly enough my health is so far down the list of prayer concerns that it is almost off the list. I honestly can't pray with deep concern for healing but plead with the Father daily that Jesus might be glorified in my body. I have told Him that this body is His and He can do anything He wants with it. I also assure Him that I know He has made me the care-taker of it and I am responsible how I protect and treat it. I am so little concerned about my health that I really don't care which way it goes. Let Jesus make that call. Whatever He wants is fine with me. Only that Jesus be honored in my body.

Thank you for praying, bill

 

Revelation

30 August 2020

Dear Phyllis,

There is so much on my heart this morning I scarce know what to say. Oh, I saw Jesus this morning; He was wonderful. No I didn't see a vision, but He sure spoke to me in my devotions. What can I say?

Among other things I picked up my Bible and just glanced at Revelation. I was immediately struck by the first five words - “The revelation of Jesus Christ”. It is?! I remember talking with a sister telling her that when we read Revelation we should not look at the seven Seals, the seven Trumpets, and the seven Bowels, but look at the revelation of Jesus Christ. That sounds like good advice but I have been far more interested in the three Sevens than what little we see of Jesus.

To begin with, we might say that John wrote two books of revelation. The first one was his gospels. There are four records of the life of Christ and John is radically different, The first three are the synoptic gospels which tell the story of the life of Christ. John goes at it from a totally different approach. More than any other place, John tells about the heart of Christ. John was clearly Jesus' favorite. He was the closest to Jesus. He was the last one at the Cross and the first one to believe after the resurrection. John had an intuition that the others didn't have. When Jesus appeared at the lake after the resurrection no one knew who it was, but John said to Peter, “It is the Lord”. At the Last Supper we read twice that John was leaning on Jesus bosom (Jn. 13:23,25). Culturally, as Americans, that is a pretty difficult one for us to handle. That smacks of sexual perversion. Russia is a kissing country. It was a little difficult for me to handle to see two men kissing in church, but that is the culture. There is nothing wrong with it. (I mean a real smack right on the lips.) Vietnam is a hand holding country. So is Russia. The father of one of our Bible workers had been a soldier during the Vietnam war. He went with a team to Saigon and met General Tha Dam. The brother said he thought it was strange to see these two men holding hands while walking down the road. In Jesus' day in Israel it was a sign of closeness to lean on the breast of another man. (Not today in America.)

That is one view of Jesus in John's gospel but John wasn't leaning on Jesus' breast in Revelation. When he saw Him he fell at His feet as one dead (Rev. 1:17). In His prayer in John 17 Jesus prayed, “Father glorify Me with Thine own self with the glory which I had with Thee before the world was” (Jn. 17:5). Obviously the Father has done that. The revelation of Jesus that we see in John's last book is; “all the kindred of the earth shall wail because of Him” (Rev. 1:7).

I thought, my goodness we have come along ways since the Garden when God came down in the cool of the evening to fellowship with His created being. What a radical change and astounding history of humanity for 6,000 years. We know next to nothing about the earth before the Fall, but what has happened since then isn't pretty. Eve's first son killed his brother and men have been killing each other ever since. Not long after the Flood God chose a man and started a new race of people that He called His chosen people, Israel. That didn't work out too well. After a couple thousand years Jesus came to His own people, but the rulers said, “We will not have this Man rule over us. Kill Him!” Then God began to call out an unusual species of humanity that is called, the Body of Christ. Jesus was here for 33 years and then went back to heaven. But He sent His Spirit back to live in the hearts of His people and be a witness. The Body of Christ has been the representative of Jesus for the past 2,000 years. But they haven't done too well either. I admire the Lord in being so honest with us in giving us such a frank view of the Church. I believe the position that the Seven Churches are a history of the nature of the Church for this dispensation. It started off hot but lost her first love. Then there was horrific persecution; the fall into idolatry, false teaching, immorality, deadness, and the final church. Laodicea. That one is affluent but makes Jesus sick to His stomach. But Jesus has been with it all. Now let's look at the revelation of Jesus.

The first thing that John saw after he was caught up to heaven was there as a Throne. Perhaps more than anything else that is the one thing the devil doesn't want us to know. The center of the universe is not science or technology. The number one message today is that there is no law and everyone can make his own law as he wants. More than that, we are seeing something unbelievable in the streets of America where thousand are trying to destroy civil law. There is a considerable segment of the US population that thinks anarchy is a good idea for political advantage We have come to an utterly astounding place in politics where the lines are drawn at an unbelievable position. Thank God there is a Throne in heaven and there is One Who is seated on that Throne. If there is anything that should give us stability and hope it is this revelation of Jesus Christ. More than that we see that there is a Book with seven Seals. This is the future history of the earth in advance. This may not tell us much about Jesus, but it does give us a clear view of His plans for the final act. Man howdy, it is going to be a rough showdown.

When Jesus went back to heaven the main message that He left with His people was that He was coming back for them. He told the disciples, “I am going away, but I am coming back for you so you can be with Me forever.” (Jn. 14:1-3). When He went up, two angels told them, “This same Jesus is coming back as you have seen Him go” (Acts 1:11). And it has been the central posture of the Church since then to look for the coming of Christ (1 Cor. 1:7).

The other night, Pammy asked me, “When is the rapture?”. I told her, “I don't know and I don't care.”. There are at least four positions on the rapture – pre-trib, post-trib, mid-trib, and split or partial rapture. For the past century the basic position of most conservative Christians, has been to hold to the pre-trib rapture position. At the present I don't like it as it is an easy out position. I see a tremendous amount in the Scripture that brings this into serious question. What are you going to do with 1 Cor. 15:15 that clearly says, “At the last trump the dead in Christ shall arise”? If we believe the Bible that is a tough one to explain.

But one position I will not abandon is the immanent return of Christ. If Jesus told us anything He said that it would be at the least expected time. I don't think the appearance of the anti-christ and the 3^rd Temple is the blessed hope. I find it impossible to believe that Paul taught anything other than that Jesus could come at any moment. Obviously this was a problem in Thessalanaica. Paul had taught them that Jesus was coming back and then some Christian died. The believers questioned, “What is going to happen to them?”. To answer that question Paul wrote 1^st Thessalonians and told them, “Don't worry. The dead in Christ will rise first and then we which remain will be caught up in the sky to be with them.” (1 Thes. 4:13-17).

There are two radically different views of Jesus return. Jesus said and Paul said He would come as a thief in the night (Lk. 12:38,39; 1 Thes. 5:2). And Jesus told Chaiaphas that he would see His return (Mt. 26:64); and Rev, 1:7 confirms this. Can you explain that? I can't. The last word that Jesus ever spoke was “Behold I come quickly” (Rev. 22:7). Two thousand years doesn't look like quickly to me. More than that I believe this has been the consistent witness of the Holy Spirit in the heart of every Christian for 2,000 years. With the exception of a few hard core post-trib Christians, who are looking for the anti-christ, every on-fire Christian I have ever met in my life believed firmly that Jesus would come in their life-time. They were wrong. Is Jesus lying?

I have never been more firmly convinced that every word in the Bible is true. Every word that came form the mouth of Jesus is factual. And the witness of the Holy Spirit in the heart of every Christian is real. How can you explain it? I can't and I am not interested in trying. I am content to allow the Father to explain to us His own spiritual mysteries. But I know it is true.

Oh, praise God, He is coming soon! bill