Church Leadership

30 September 2012

Dear Phyllis,

Gomen nasai (I'm Sorry). I'll apologize for this letter up front. It is probably a waste of time and you might be wiser to delete it now rather than spending your time reading it. This past week has not been a good one. It wouldn't be edifying to go into too much detail about what happened; but the most happy word is that we survived. Much to the devil's dismay – in spite of some heavy shelling – the roof is still on the house and the walls and windows are still intact. Praise God.

One very small incident was a brief squall I had with Pammy. We were talking about a controversial event and I got mad that she was accusing me of lying. I said I didn't do something, and she kept maintaining that I did. When I charged her that she was calling me a lier, she strongly denied that. Finally it came down to a choice of verbs. When I saw she might be making a grammatical error, I questioned her verb. As we discussed that, we finally came to am amicable agreement that she was using the wrong verb. When we settled on the best verb, the dispute was settled. If all disputes could be settled so easily it would be wonderful.

Before we were married I told her repeatedly that it was impossible for us to have a scriptural marriage. I said that for that to work, she would have to renounce her life and everything she hopes to do in life, and join me. That is asking too much. And apart from the unusual enabling of the Lord, there is no way she could do it. She consistently maintained she could and would. Things have worked out better than I thought they would, but we are a long ways from perfection.

Realistically speaking Pammy has had a real difficult road. She is 46. All her life she has been a very strong willed, independent, single girl. To suddenly quit all that to be a submissive follower is asking a great deal. More than that, I am a 76 year old man who has extremely strong convictions that, as Jesus is the head of the church, the man should be the head of the wife; and she should obey him. Lots of luck.

The first four months were terrible. I told our pastor, Kichikun, that she had no idea what it was to be a scriptural wife. He replied, “You are right, but she does now. I just told her.” I asked him,”What is her response? Is she going to do it or not?” He honestly replied, “She said, 'I don't know. I will consider it'.” Obviously it never dawned on her what her wedding vows were. When confronted by the challenge to fulfill them, she was surprised and almost offended.

Since then things have been considerable better. I must give her good points for trying. In many respects I admire her hang tough attitude to make the marriage work. “I'm out of here” was a frequent remark for the first several months, but I haven't heard that remark in a long time. I believe, in her heart, she has every intent to obey the Lord.

But the will of God is not that clear an issue. I believe she honestly feels that to defy her husband and do her own thing is to do the will of God. There are millions of strong willed Christian women who say to their husbands, “You can't stop me. I am going to follow the Lord and do my own thing.” That, of course, is a contradictions of terms but millions are of that mind set. In having a heated discussion with the counselors at Link Care one time, Ken Royar exasperatedly said, “Who do you think you are? Jesus Christ?” I replied, “No, I do not think I am Jesus Christ, but I do believe that the index of a woman's obedience to Christ is measured by her obedience to her husband.” He intensely disagreed and was shocked that I would say such a radical thing.

I feel very strongly that the scripture has laid down very clear instruction as to who is qualified to be a leader in a church and who isn't. When you mention this subject the common response is that “no one is perfect”. I agree that no one is perfect, but there is such a thing as those who are qualified and those who aren't. And for those who aren't, I feel strongly that they have no business standing up front in a church. In the passages in 1 Tim. 3:1-13 and Tit. 1:5-9, we see that it is not only the man's personal character but his family must also be a credit to the Lord. Paul put it very clearly in 1 Tim. 3:5 when he declares, “If a man knows not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?” For years I said, “The day my son turns from the Lord is the day I am finished.” I was surprised that it was my wife that turned first. But when Rosemary gave her body to another man and blatantly renounced her wedding vows, I said, “That it it for me.” For the next four years I sat in silence in the back of the church. I never expected to stand in a pulpit again. But in 1994, when I was in Russia with the Japanese team doing dendo (evangelism), the team leader asked me to take the responsibility for preaching. A double translation – Japanese to English, and English to Russian – was just too cumbersome. I thought at the time, “I am not qualified to be a deacon, pastor, or missionary, but at a minimum, I am a witness. And if I didn't share with those who had been 70 years under Communism what I knew about Jesus, the Lord would hold me responsible”. On the basis of that I preached 21 times in the next three weeks. And I have not turned down an invitation to speak publicly since then.

For the past year I have been devoted to working with Pastor Kichikun and shared the pulpit one Sunday each month. As much as I detest it, I have not been successful in stopping the folks from calling me “Adjon (sensei, teacher) Bill”. It is as much in the DNA of Thais to call teachers (etc) adjon as it is in the Japanese to call leaders sensei. On the basis of our problems last week I have resigned from my position with Kichikun. I have told him that I can no longer stand in this pulpit or profess to be an adjon.

My marriage just is not explanatory.. Pammy is doing her best but it is unreasonable to expect her to be a follower. She is offended when I say to her that she is not on my team. She feels very strongly that she is loyal. But at the same time she has a strong commitment to fulfilling her responsibility to believers in Lampan where she ministered two years ago. She earnestly wishes that I would help her in her ministry in Lampan and wants me to join her team. But my commitment is here with Kichikun. She would feel disloyal to the Lord if she didn't go down there twice a month to minister. But I am embarrassed when the folks here ask me, “Where is your wife?” Several people have told me that they feel I should not be a leader in a church if my wife is not totally in subjection to me. I am afraid that the Word of God is on their side. I have no intention of backing off from standing for the Lord but it is obvious that I should be be up front.

Last Sunday Kichikun showed up at our house at 10:15 sick with a migraine headache. Ten minutes later, when I went to church, he looked terrible. I told him, “If this is difficult for you I can speak any time.” He was grateful for that offer and said, “Please, you take it today.” This was better than what I had two months ago when I had no idea I was speaking until I was announced. This time I had 20 minutes to think about a message.

But that wasn't difficult. I have felt for some time that our (my) preaching is ill-directed. I am very good in preaching about sin. All I have to do is look at my own heart and I have all the commentary that I need for that subject. But when do we hear someone lifting up Jesus to rave about His beauty? Oh my goodness, is not this sickness serious?! How can it be that there should be One so lovely, where angels are frustrated to adequately sing His beauty and worth? And somehow this never makes an impression on us. I have asked the Lord for a burning message where the central theme is the inexpressible attractiveness and marvel of Jesus. To do this I borrowed from His Bride in her description of His loveliness in Song of Sol. 5:10-16. In verse 10 we see three things about Him. Last month I spent over and hour talking about the first one – that He is white (clean). Altogether there are 12 points in this description and I intended to spend a year talking about one point each month. When Kichikun asked me to speak at the last moment it was easy to know what my text would be – the 2^nd point in verse 10.

The word used in the Holy Bible (KJV) is RUDDY. This is a word used only four times in the Bible and twice it is used to describe David (1 Sam. 16:12 and 17:42). It means well built, good complexion, handsome. Obviously what is meant here in Song of Sol. is to point out the humanity of Christ. You can't say that an angel is ruddy. That can only apply to a human. This is somewhat in contrast with point #1 which emphasizes His purity. He is white – clean – and yet, at the same time, He is 100% human. We can talk about the sinlessness of angels but we can't say that they are ruddy. It is not ill-used to say of Jesus that He is ruddy. He is perfectly a man.

It has been a major revelation in my appreciation of Christology to consider the absolute humanity of Christ. I believe we have a weakness there. Because we are so strong in emphasizing the deity of Christ we have downplayed His humanity. Somehow we think of Jesus as being some other-worldly being that is beyond the restriction we find upon ourselves. We talk about His walking on water, waving a hand and turning gallons of brackish water into wine; taking five loaves of bread and two fishes and feeding 5,000; and coming back from the dead. We think of Jesus that He could float from place to place, or go for weeks with no rest or food. But when the Son took upon Himself to become a man, He divested Himself of all the supernatural attributes of a God and became 100% as human as any infant that has been born of woman since Cain.

I have often thought about Jesus in the wood shop. I wonder if He ever made a mistake. I wonder if He ever hit His finger with a hammer. I wonder if He got slivers in His hands. I rather suspect that he did. I am sure He had calloused hands like mine. We know He got tired (Jn. 4:6). We know that he got hungry (Mt. 4:2) . We know that he had physical limitations (He couldn't carry the cross). And the bewildering cry from the Cross, “My God why hast Thou forsaken Me?”, can only be ascribed to a man with limitations. It has been truthfully said that He did not avail to Himself any prerogatives that He does not extend to us. He was as much human as the weakest one of us.

When I think of the total humanity of Christ and His unrestricted identification with us, it makes me worship and marvel at Him the more. Oh that I could lift Him higher! Oh that I could describe His utter loveliness more adequately! But my highest expressions are like a child with muddy fingers trying to paint a Rembrandt.

It has been a difficult week. Maybe I have made some progress in sitting down now rather than pretending to be some Christian leader that I am not. We certainly don't want to dishonor the Lord and am asking Jesus to continue to work in our hearts to make us the be the kind of people that He desires.

Thank you for your prayers for this ( ) [I don't know the right word] servant of Christ.

Gratefully,

bill

Marriage Advice

23 September 2012

Dear Phyllis,

Praise God we are home after a marvelous trip to Penang. The Lord went before us and everything was divinely ordered. Hallelujah I am back in Thailand for another year with a good Thai visa.

My niece, Pam, has a daughter, Amanda, who was married on the 2^nd of September. Pam and her family are really the only relatives I have with whom I am close. For the occasion of her marriage I sent Amanda the following letter.

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22 September 2012

Dear Amanda,

Rudyard Kipling was the poet Lorette of England. For the occasion of the coronation of King Edward he wrote the poem:

The shouting and the tumult dies,

The captains and the kings depart;

Still stands Thine ancient sacrifice,

A humble and a contrite heart.

O Lord of host, be with us yet;

Lest we forget; lest we forget.

You may have wondered why you didn't hear anything from your Uncle Bill congratulating you for your marriage. It was not by neglect, but more by design that I have waited until the dust settles from such a momentous occasion. Rather than sending you a perfunctory congratulatory message I have waited until the tumult died somewhat to send you a letter that I hope is more meaningful.

Indeed you are to be congratulated for such a marvelous decision. I had occasion to meet Besa's husband, and admire him very much. I have had no such privilege of meeting Ryan other than to hear that he comes from good missionary stock. No doubt he is a fine Christian man, and your jointure will be to serve the Lord. You have the great privilege of coming from a family that is in the upper 5% of committed Christians in America, and your background could not be more advantageous. This will give you an unusual foundation for marriage. The only problem, is that you come exclusively from a country where the culture has drifted radically from biblical roots.

It is tragic that 98% of marriage counselors, and most ministers in America, place love as the foundation for marriage. This is a deadly error, and the 50% + divorce rate in America proves this point. Astoundingly, the church in America is exactly the same rate as the non-Christian society, which indisputably proves that there is little difference between the American church and the unsaved world. For the unsaved, the basic reason for anyone getting married is that “we love each other”. This is the first question that any pastor or counselor would ask, “Do you love each other?” If the answer is yes, then that proves this is the right decision. Tragically, the universally accepted definition of love is nice warm feelings. This is highly subjective, and this changes as rapidly as the wind. It isn't long before the wind is blowing from a different direction, and the romantic couple says, “I don't love you any more”. Grounds for divorce. It is insanity to make subjective emotions the foundation for marriage.

The only reason a Christian should ever do anything is the established will of God. And the will of God is not a cozy feeling. Of the first three major marriages that we read of in the Bible, in two out of three the couples had nothing to say about the partners. The first one was Adam and Eve. In this case God Himself created the perfect partner for Adam. That was God's doings – not Adam's. With Issac, his father sent his servant to get a wife for him, and he simply accepted the girl that Ebenezer brought home. Jacob was in love with Rachel from the beginning, but he had his hands full of domestic problems for the next 50 years winding up with two wives and children from four women.

There is nothing wrong with arranged marriages. They are much more solid than love marriages. In former years in Japan – and to some degree to this day – marriages were arranged by either the parents or by pastors. I have some good friends who married total strangers simply because the mothers got together and thought it would be a good idea. The Kosugis have been married for over 30 years and it has worked out beautifully. Of course, getting saved helped a lot. I once had a girl who worked for me in the language school, and I was also her pastor. She told me that she had a letter from a friend in Tokyo saying that there was a fine man in her church looking for a wife. Was she interested? Tomoko asked me to handle it for her. I contacted the pastor in Tokyo, and the man sounded reasonably good. Would she like to meet him? Two weeks after a three hour meeting in the pastors home in Tokyo, I asked Tomoko what she thought of the boy. Yes, he certainly was a fine Christian man. I called the pastor, and we decided that the couple should get married, and when. Tomoko was stunned, but they have had a wonderful marriage for 35 years.

What I am saying is that to obey Jesus, and the will of God, is the bed-rock foundation for doing anything in life. In the many years of the revolving door counseling I went to with Rosemary, I told the counselors, “I love my wife because it is the will of God.” They were viably stunned. One counselor replied, “Don't you think that is pretty legalistic?” I replied, “I don't know if it is legalistic or not, but I do believe it is the right thing to do. And I believe the Holy Spirit bears witness in giving me the nice warm feelings I am supposed to have” They were shocked that I would do such a radical thing as to love my wife because it was in obedience to Christ.

The reason my first marriage with Rosemary failed was simply because she refused to say yes to Jesus. From day one, she adamantly declared she had made a mistake and wanted to get out of the marriage. To this day she refuses to accept that our marriage was the will of God for her life. Whether or not it was the will of God that we got married is academic; but once it happened, there was no more argument as to what we should do. I used the illustration of David and Bathsheba. There is no way you can say David was Spirit led in having adultery with another man's wife and then have him killed to cover his own sin. The Bible doesn't suggest whether or not her sex with the king was consensual or not, but Bathsheba had little choice with a king who wanted to rape her. Accepting that it was a rape and a murder, no woman had more grounds to hate a man, and say she was violated than Bathsheba. She could have been justifiably bitter. But the angel Gabriel could have torn out a page from the Book of Matthew in the archives of heaven, which was written before God made the earth, and show her how her name is in the linage of Christ (Mt. 1:6). Was her marriage with David the will of God? God settled that before He made Adam. That is a clear case of God taking some horrible thing and making it into the will of God. This is Rom. 8:28 – “God makes all things to work together for good'” (the Japanese translation). Rosemary saw that there was an argument that God can take even our mistakes and make them into His will for our lives, but she doggedly refused to accept that it was the will of God for us to be married' And that was it! That is just plain stubbornness.

Hopefully, you and Ryan will never have that problem. But you will be unusual if you don't have some time in the future when you are challenged about decisions you make. Divorce is not a consideration. That can never be placed on the table as an option. I was shocked that there were Christian counselors in America that would consider divorce as a solution for a dysfunctional marriage.

I trust you will never have a dysfunctional marriage, but, if you do, that is no serious problem. To start with the word dysfunctional does not appear in the Bible. The only word that we find in the Bible is obey; and that is not conditional. I do not obey if my partner obeys. My obedience to Jesus is not conditional on the performance of the other. Obedience stands exclusively alone. Tragically the secular marriage is a 50-50 proposition. “I will love you if you obey me.” Or the reverse, “I will obey you if you love me.” My obedience to Christ has nothing to do with how the other one is performing. More than that, I feel a dysfunctional marriage is more honoring to God than one where there is nothing is but peaches and cream. It takes no grace of God to get along when the lovely south wind is blowing your way. But when a person finds themselves in a difficult situation, and yet is still determined to honor God by doing what is right; that brings the most glory to God. The marriages I admire the most are the ones where the partners are totally incompatible, and yet they are willing to sacrifice the most to make it work. That is where the Lord shines the brightest.

Dear Amanda, in one sense, your life has just become much more simple. Your days of seeking individual guidance are over. All you have to do now is to follow your husband. May I suggest as a goal for your marriage and your personal life is to focus on the main point Jesus taught us to pray for – Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom come. If you make this the goal for your life and marriage, that will be as close to heaven as you will get on this earth. If we plead with the Lord to get honor through our lives, and make our family and home a mini-cosmos of His Kingdom, you can't do better than that. I don't pray for a happy marriage or a prosperous life, but I am desperately concerned that Jesus is honored in my life and family. And the only way this can be accomplished is when His Kingdom and government are operative in me and my home.

To do this you must concentrate on your two relationships. The first of all is the vertical one. You must keep your heart right with God at all times. Secondly, when personal ambition, or hurt feelings, come in, that is when the devil moves in, and begins to set up his kingdom. Let that go far enough, and you will have hell on your hands. Your home will be a little foretaste of hell. But when Jesus is in charge, He will make your home like heaven.

It is highly possible that we may never meet again on this planet. I would like to get back to the USA one more time but have no plans to do so at the present. If you and Ryan could ever come here, that would be wonderful.

The Lord has given you an excellent start in life. You are privileged far beyond the average. There is no question but what the Lord has some special mission that He has planed for you and Ryan. There is no such thing as special dedication for full time service. The Lord expects everyone to be dedicated for full time service. To be less, would be to accept a position as a second class citizen for heaven. There are no 2^nd class citizens in heaven. There is only the Body of Christ. Individual guidance varies considerably. There are some He calls to be pastors, evangelists, teachers, missionaries, doctors, nurses, car mechanics, carpenters, house wives, and garbage men. But the garbage man should be no less dedicated than the missionary. The Lord has given you the training as a nurse. Be a good nurse for Jesus, Be a good house wife for Jesus. Be a good witness for Jesus. But if the Lord would send you all to SEA, I would be extremely happy.

Tonikaku (anyway), congratulations on the occasion of a wonderful marriage. May Christ be the head of your home, and may He make your home just like His.

God bless you all;

Your distant Uncle Bill

A New High in Dedication?

16 September 2012

Dear Phyllis,

In a couple hours Pammy and I will be getting on a bus headed south to Malaysia. Thai visas are a major problem. The best visa you can get is one year, and I have to go outside the country to get that one. Even then it is a miracle that the Lord let's me stay here. The last two times I have applied, the man at the visa service told me that it was a 90% chance that I would be turned down. The next day when I went in to pick up my passport he said, “Very lucky! Very lucky!” I have found that the most convenient way is to go to Penang, Malaysia and apply there. It is a long expensive trip, but Penang is a lovely tropical island, and there is a fine visas service that handles everything for me. This will be my fifth trip down there.

Pammy had her heart set on going with me, and got a new passport for the occasion. In my heart I said no. It is expensive for me, and taking her is double price. We just don't have that kind of money. But the other morning, as I was praying about it, I told the Lord, “Lord this is a girl that I didn't ask for or want, but You gave her to me. And if You give her to me You must also pay for all her expenses.” That being true, I reluctantly said “yes”. She was thrilled. Quite miraculously the Lord has already given us the money for her ticket before we get on the bus. In August we had both Pammy's birthday and our wedding anniversary. We didn't have money enough to go out for pizza that time, so this is a multi-purpose trip to cover all three.

Hudson Taylor said the greatest problem with humanity was mans incurable distrust of God. I have found that true. To offset that, twice Jesus said, “What manner of men is there among you that if his son would ask him for bread he would give him a stone? Or if he asks for fish, would he give him a snake? Ye being evil know how to give good things unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven, give good things to therm to them who ask Him?” (Mt. 7:9-11; Lk. 11:11-13). What can you say to that? That is as unanswerable argument as there is. And yet I still find it difficult to trust God.

I am not spiritual, but in 1966 I had one of the most direct encounters with God that I have ever had. I heard a brother say one night, in a message, “The first time I miss a meal I am going to tell the world about it. We have told the world that God is faithful, and meets all our needs. If we find Him unfaithful, I believe we owe it to the world to be honest with them and tell the truth.” I thought, “Amen! What a bold statement bragging on God!” But then the day came when I was faced with the distinct possibility of missing my first meal. The question arose,“What am I gong to do?”

In 1965 I had been in the states for a one year furlough, and had come back to Karuizawa for a second go-around studying the Japanese language. The following spring I was nearing the end of my final semester, and had to pay my language bill. My regular monthly support was extremely low. On the basis of what I could count on coming in, I could pay off my language bill on time, and go 60 days with nothing to eat. As I was walking home from school, I was thinking about that crisis of being honest with the world and telling them that God is unfaithful in meeting our needs. But as I walked along, I hit a new high in dedication. I told the Lord, “Lord, even if You are unfaithful to me, I will always be faithful to You.” Crash!!! I am not spiritual, but at that instant the Holy Spirit shouted in my ear louder than I have ever heard Him. He said, “What have I done to you to deserve that kind of an attitude? Do you think you are more faithful than Me?” To this day I blush to think that I ever actually said such a stupid thing.

That financial crises was one of the most blessed experiences with God that I have ever had. I was having my meals at a boarding house in those days and told them that I would not be coming in for two months.

The morning came of the first day of the end of my life. I was going to starve for 60 days and die. I got up, had devotions, and got ready for school. The thought came, “This is dumb. I still have coffee in the house. I might as well have a cup of coffee before I die.” That noon I came home and thought, “Why not have a cup of tea?” I had tea in the house. I had a dog, and, in those days, they didn't have dog food in Japan. I bought dried fish and wheat to feed my dog. The Japanese thought I was crazy to feed such good food to my dog. I thought, “Charlie can fend for himself and I will eat his food.” Every day I kept finding more food in the house. I found some beans that were as soft as marbles, and some old dried milk that wouldn't dissolve. But I drank it anyway.

Because I was deleting three meals a day from my schedule, I had a lot more time for devotions. One morning I was sitting outside fellow shipping with Jesus. It was spring and everything was fresh and beautiful. The birds in the lawn were having a feast. I thought how Jesus said, “Behold the fowls of the air, for they sow not...yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are ye not better than they?” (Mt. 6:26). I said, “Lord, You certainly are taking good care of sparrows.” And thought how the Lord provides for them. They just eat what they find. Then I remembered my survival training in the Air Force. We were trained how to survive under the harshest conditions. I thought, “My goodness, if a man couldn't find something to eat in a land like Japan, where could he live?” And I thought of John the Baptist who lived on locus and wild honey. Oh, my heart leaped. “I will be like John the Baptist and just live off the land. I don't need money” My dad liked dandelion greens. There were a lot of dandelions in my lawn. I'll just dig them up and eat them. One day I caught a frog and ate it.

But matches were a problem. I had a gas stove and had no trouble believing the Lord would keep that running. But there was no igniter on the stove. In order to light it, I had a to use a match. I only had one box of matches in the house, and 30 matches would not last long at the rate I was using at least three a day. How in the world could I light my stove if I didn't have matches? I tried splitting them, but that didn't work. I thought of everything, and was getting desperate. Finally one day I found some wax candles in the house. Praise the Lord! I could use them to keep a pilot light and save two or three matches. Oh, I felt good. The next morning I got up to fix myself a cup of coffee. (Coffee was holding up alright.) I lit the stove, and then lit a candle placing beside the stove. Suddenly a dark cloud came over my heart. It was so sudden and strong that I was startled. I thoughtful, “What in the world is that?” The voice inside me spoke. “Blow that candle out.” Oh no. I know where that voice is coming from. That is the devil who wants me to blow out my candle. I am not about to do that. But the Voice was very persistent. Finally I said, “Lord Jesus, if that is You, I want a Bible verse.” Suddenly the verse came, “Be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let you requests be known unto God, and the peace of God which passeth all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Ph. 4:6). I couldn't argue with that. Then the Lord said to me, “That candle is an expression of unbelief. Your problem is that you won't trust me for a match.” The Bible says, “Be careful for nothing.” And I was extremely careful about matches. The Lord was right. I couldn't trust Him for a match.

Four years before then I had left the US Air Force to set out to serve the Lord with zero support. Nine months before then I had boarded a plane in Los Angeles to come back to Japan for a second term, still, with zero support. There wasn't a church or a person in the world that had promised to support me with anything . But my Father had promised me, “Seek not what ye shall eat or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind...your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things. But rather seek first the Kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you” (Lk.12:29-31). If I couldn't trust the Lord to provide for me without having a little tin cup going around churches begging people to give me money, what is the use of serving the Lord? But now I was down to trusting the Lord to give me a match without telling anyone about it.

The greatest act of faith I ever did was when took a deep breath and blew out that candle. And with it, I blew out that dark cloud over my heart. For the next several weeks I had one of the most blessed periods of my life. The Greek of Phil. 4:6, in talking about the PEACE OF GOD keeping our heart and mind, is a military term. It is a picture of a soldier standing guard over a building. I felt like I was swimming in water 10,000 feet deep, and yet I couldn't sink. The hand of God was holding me up, and the peace of God was guarding my heart keeping it from fear. Oh, it was wonderful.

One morning I was thinking about what my mother would do if she knew I was in Japan with nothing to eat. She would be on the next plane headed west with a turkey dinner for me. As I was thinking about my mother, and her concern, the Holy Spirit said to me, “Your Father knows.” I bust into tears. That is all that is important. I was doing alright, but I was getting tired of the menu. I really wanted something better to eat. Then the Lord said to me that the menu wouldn't change until I was slam out of everything. From that time on I began to try to get rid of everything in the house.

I was the leader of a Saturday morning prayer breakfast at the boarding hose where I used to have my meals. For the previous three weeks, I had lied and said I was too busy to stay for breakfast. Friday night I was thinking about what excuse I could use for not having breakfast with them when the Lord reminded me that I had a few coins left in my pocket. As I counted them out I found that I had just enough for one more meal. Should I blow it on one meal or use it wisely to buy a little bread and milk? Again the word came, “Be careful for nothing.” Okay, I'll blow it on one good meal.

In those days he postman didn't like climbing the hill where I lived, so I had my mail delivery to Bethel House where I had my meals. That morning we had a wonderful prayer meeting, and I was enjoining a delicious breakfast. I was slam out of everything, and this was the last meal I could have for money. While eating breakfast, the postman came with a letter from a friend in Hokkaido that had never given me a dime for anything. In it was $50.

My test had lasted just about three weeks, but that had been one of the most wonderful periods of my life. The Lord was as near and His Word was as clear as I have ever experienced. That was 46 years ago. I have had innumerable experiences of the Lord proving His faithfulness to me since then. I have the privilege of being able to give testimonies that few people experience. But I still struggle with a terrible distrust of God. We will try to be careful about how we spend money in Penang. But maybe the Lord would have us have a good time. And I must trust Him for a Thai visa.

When you speak with Jesus this week, you might remind Him that He has a very weak servant in need of a Thai visa in Penang.

Arigato (thank you),

bill

PS: The Lord was faithful, and I never did run out of matches at that time.

Making Jesus Lovely

9 September 2012

 

Dear Phyllis,

 

Not surprisingly, Jesus is still hearing and answering prayer. Last week was really bad. This past week has been a considerable improvement. There has been some movement with Harry, but the Kingdom of God has returned to my home. One of the many things that has been a challenge to me is learning how to deal with Pammy. Strangely enough, she is quite different from me. Her way of problem solving is much different from mine. I prefer to talk it out, and her style is to wait it out. I guess it doesn't make much difference if they both work; but the bottom line is that the sun has come out again and warmth has returned to the Cook household.

 

One of the major events of the past week has been Annie's school. I wasn't real happy when I was confronted with the issue that Annie had to go to school. Personally, I would prefer to home school, but that isn't an option here. I wasn't a real happy camper when Pammy came back and told me where she has decided to enroll Annie. But it could not be more evident that she was Spirit led. The directors (man and wife) have turned out  to to be fantastic. Two huge factors have surfaced. One is an earnest plea for me to speak to the children every morning. It looks like I am on staff now. This is a real plus for the Gospel. And it has also cut the tuition to one half. Secondly – and this is almost more important – seldom have I seen more earnest seekers of the Gospel. Along with speaking to the children each morning, the directors have pleaded that we teach them the Bible. I wasn't too sure what this meant, but I couldn't be more impressed with what I have seen. I have drawn the line on Pammy, and told her that her days as a lady pastor are over. But the one on one Bible teaching she has given them was terrific! I have been deeply impressed with the way she has handled the teaching, but I have been equally impressed with their response. Unbelievably, the wife was in church this morning to hear me preach. This is extremely unusual in Japan or Thailand. At this point it is harder to believe that they won't get saved than to believe that they will come to Christ.

 

I have a rare opportunity in speaking to 200 children every morning. Even before I spoke the first time they requested, “Tell them about God”. I'm sure that would not be the case in America, that a secular kindergarten would ask a speaker to “Tell them about God”. They are Buddhist, and there would be a mass exodus of students if I came on too strong, but it is an excellent opportunity for first-stage evangelism.

 

It has been wisely said,“The first step to salvation is a positive relationship with a Gospel communicator”. If a persons first experience with Christianity is unpleasant, that isn't a real strong sell for the Gospel. But if the say, “This is a real nice guy”, that opens their minds to listen to more. I had a very good time speaking four times last week and“Uncle Bill” has become a popular friend of all the children. I make a point of establishing personal eye contact with each child and treat them like they are the only one in the school. Children crowd around and want to touch me. This is an unusual experience for them to have a relationship with a falang (foreigner). I don't know how long this will hold up, but at the moment it looks like a long-term deal. I can easily see the directors getting saved and making big waves for the Lord.

 

It was my turn to preach this morning and I really didn't know what to expect from my message. The pastor's wife, Ying, is in America for three weeks. She is a top-flight interpreter. With her gone, that means that Pammy has to be my interpreter. We do alright in conversation in the home, but she is not a 5 star interpreter yet. When I get fired up in a message, it frustrates the daylights out of me when she looks at me blankly or misses what I say. As an interpreter, on a scale of 1 to 10, I would give her about a 3 or 4. I knew we were in for a bad time if we didn't go over the message in advance. We did discuss it for two hours last night, but the rehearsal was so depressing I almost despaired of preaching today. With no other option I told the Lord that was His problem – not mine. Finally I thought, “Hang it! I don't care what she says. If her message is radically different than what I say, then Lord bless her message anyway.”

 

In the days of Spurgeon there was another famous preacher in London, Joseph Parker. It was said that a believer went to hear Parker preach and came away raving, “I never heard such an outstanding message in my life.” The next week he went to hear Spurgeon. He came away from that meeting raving, “I never knew what a wonderful savior Jesus is.” I have no ambition on being an outstanding preacher. I am not the least bit interested in preaching outstanding messages. But, oh, that I had the ability to lift up Jesus. I have heard very few speakers do that. Rather than trying to get the several unsaved folks, that I knew were going to be in church, saved, I decided just to try to make Jesus look as lovely as possible.

 

The best description I know of Jesus in the Bible is Song of Solomon 5:10-16. I can't get away from that book. There is no other possible interpretation other than this is the OT narrative of the relationship of Jesus with His Bride, the Church. Any other view is ridiculous!

 

Chapter 5 begins with the description of a believer who has lost their first love and fallen asleep at the switch. There are untold millions of Christians who started out well but as the years dragged on they cooled off to the point of being drowsy. We see the Lord drawing the believer back to Himself, and a bit of an awakening. But the response was half-hearted; and the Lord left the scene. When the Christian finally came to herself, she was startled to discover how badly she had drifted, and what that had cost her. In her search for the Lord, she encountered the Daughters of Jerusalem. These characters are clearly unsaved church goers. These are the tares among the wheat (Mt. 13:24-30); the five foolish virgins (Mt. 25:1-12); and the unsaved preachers and evangelists at the Judgment Throne (Mt. 7:21-23). The D of J clearly give themselves away and show us who they really are by their question in S of S 5:9– “What is so special about Jesus?” After all, all religions are the same. Yes, of course, Jesus is wonderful, but so is Buddha, and Mohammad. All religions are good. Why are you so stressed out about Jesus? This is the heart of someone who doesn't know the Lord.

 

In response to that question, the Christian gives the most wonderful description of Jesus in the Bible, with 12 or 13 points. I was going to try to get through verse 10 with three points this morning. As usual, I spoke far too long – the service was over at 12:30 – but, even then, I only covered one point. Verse 10 says “He is white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand.” Oh I love that verse!

 

The first point in describing Jesus is that He is white. That doesn't require too much explanation. Everyone immediately responded that white means clean. My goodness how many TV commercial selling soap powder do we have to look at to come to that conclusion? It is highly significant that the first point in describing Jesus is that He is clean. I asked the people in church this morning how clean their garments were. Everyone knew what I was talking about. Everyone had to admit that their garment was pretty soiled. There is no one but Jesus that you can say they are truly white. There has never been a person whose life was looked at more closely under a microscope to find some flaw than Jesus. His enemies couldn't find a flaw in Him. Even Pilate decreed,“I find no fault in this Man” (Lk. 23:4). Jesus wasn't killed because he had killed a man. He wasn't killed because he had tried to overthrow the government or had stolen millions of dollars. He wasn't killed because He had run off with someone else's wife. The only thing He did wrong was to tell the truth that He was the Son of God. That was the only accusation that stuck.

 

I had someone read 1 Cor. 13:4-8 about love. Then I had one of the girls read the same passage inserting her own name in place of love. “Fah suffers long and is kind. Fah envies not..., etc” It was terrible! She was nearly embarrassed to tears. I asked another girl if she could read it like that. She nearly dove under the chair. No one can read that passage inserting their own name. But you can read that inserting the Name of Jesus and it stands up. That is one of the proofs of the deity of Christ.

 

There are some people that are better than others. We all have those that we admire. But without exception you cannot have a relationship with anyone long-term without sooner or later finding a flaw that is disappointing. Pastor Kichikun told me last December, “I thought you were a very great man, but I see now that you are just like the rest of us.” I was glad to hear that. The first time he was mistaken. The second time he was right.

 

My friend Shirazaki san told me when he was a young man in Bible school there was an older boy that he admired very much. He thought that boy was the greatest Christian he had ever met. He had a great desire to be like him. They were living in an old dormitory in adjoining rooms. The wall between the rooms were boards, and there was a board with a missing knot, leaving a hole in the wall. The boy was fasting and praying. Shirazaki san wanted to look at this impressive sight of his sempai (advanced brother) fasting and praying. He peeked through the knot hole and was shattered to see the kid eating potato chips and reading a magazine. So much for the ill-founded admiration. It is alright to have those who we admire, but we must admit that there is no one in this world but Jesus who is truly spotless. Sooner or later we will be disappointed.

 

I told the folks this morning that they could safely place their confidence in Jesus. In His life on this planet He never did a thing out of place. He was utterly flawless. And since His return to heaven, His basic character has not changed. For 55 years I have found that everything He has done for me has been good. There have been things I didn't understand at the time, but ultimately I have learned that He was right and I was wrong. I have found no flaw in Him. He is truly white.

 

Anyone could talk for hours on this subject. When it comes to the character of Christ and His sinlessness; what can you say? It is endless. You can look at Him from any angle. You can look at Him in any situation; who can point a finger at Him and say, “That was dirty.”? He may not fit into some men's mold because of a divergence of the law of God with prevailing political correctness. He may not smile on sexual perversion, or dirty politics. He may not stand up to some men's standards, but I believe in the eyes of God, God will have the last word on what is clean and what is dirty.

 

I was hoping to get to point 2 and 3 of verse 10 in my message this morning, but the clock won the battle, and I had to sit down. Lord willing, next month I will try to cover point 2. If there are 12 points, this could take a year to talk about the beauty of Jesus. But that isn't a bad subject.

 

I'm sure you have found Him so. When you speak to Him this week, please thank Him for me for what He did for me last week.

 

Arigato gozaimasu (thank you ).

bill

PS: Pammy did good. She got a 7 or 8 today.

Week of Heart Ache

2 September 2012

 

Dear Phyllis,

 

This past week has been a tough one. I got hit with three very heavy broad-sides. This has brought out the worst in me. Last Tuesday we had a most unfortunate incident. We have some friends here in town that have a son. The father has spoken to me several times about what is going on, and my heart sort of goes out to the boy. He is not perfect, and some of the criticism that I hear may be justified. But I think he is a pretty good kid trying to give it his best shot, with an arrow that doesn't want to go straight. By DNA he is under-motivated, and has had a bad background up to this point. He has blown out of the house a couple of times and has come over to talk with Pammy. She has been a mother, sister, and counselor to him. I have greatly admired the support she is for him.

 

Last Sunday, Pammy had to go back to her home city of Lampan due to the death of a Christian brother down there. As she was leaving our muban (housing area) she ran into Sammy. Pammy called me from the main gate to tell me that there had been a bad blowup in his house and he left to come over to talk with her. Pammy didn't have the time to spend with him, and she said she was going to take him with her to Lampan. I knew the kid's heart and agreed that that was the right thing to do. His father, Harry, frequently comes to see me, and I was conflicted what I should do about telling his dad where he was. Pammy told me that Sammy had requested that I not tell his dad that he was with her. The next day I did see his dad and he asked me if Sammy was in our house. My honest reply was, “No”. I did intend to tell his father later what had happened, but chose to honor the boys request to not divulge his presence at that time.

 

Two days later Pammy was on her way home with Sammy and his dad happened to be at my house at the time. I knew I had to tell him the truth. He handled it extremely poorly. Harry is an extremely intense man and is as volatile as any man God ever created. To say he came uncorked would be a gross understatement. Like you never saw a mad man. He was almost incoherent as he raved how wicked I was in not telling him where Sammy was when I knew it all the time. He said Jane had asked him,“Do you suppose Bill knows where Sammy went?” He replied, “No. Bill is a Christian, and if he knew he would tell us right away.”He raved how bitterly disappointed he was in me, and warned never to darken their door again. For one hour I listened to a tirade that is better deleted than repeated. Much of it was directed against me, but a tremendous amount of the tirade was how bad the kid was. “He is lazy! He is NO GOOD! He is a bad influence. He is a drag on everyone. We don't want to see him again. Etc.”

 

Tragically, while Harry was still there, Pammy showed up with the boy. What happened in the next 15 minutes was as unfortunate as anything you could imagine. Sammy saw his dad standing there. He was tremendously fearful; but with great courage he came over, knelt on the ground at his father's feet, and pleaded for forgiveness. I don't know what the problem was why he left, but I probably would have been more on the boys side than the father's. I thought the boy was heroic to humble himself and ask for forgiveness that way. But what happened next was tragic. As an olive branch to show the depth of his repentance, he had bought a ring of flowers to give to his parents. When I saw the flowers my heart sank. I still don't know the truth, but they looked exactly like flowers that are sold to cars waiting at red lights to bring good luck. These are very common decorations that you see in many (most) cars in Thailand. Pammy swears up and down that they are not Buddhist or religious. I don t know. Harry has extremely strong convictions about idolatry and went ballistic when he saw the flowers. His reaction to the olive branch flowers was as warm and gracious as if Sammy had offered him a pile of dog pooh. The reunion of the father and the son was not pleasant.

 

We could write all that off and go on with life, but I have a terrible weakness in having bones stuck in my craw that are extremely difficult to get out. I know what the Bible says. I know what I should be. I know that forgiveness also involves forgetfulness. But knowledge of right and wrong does not help me do it. Holding up a standard to the head does not guarantee a proper orientation of the heart. Knowing that drugs or drink are bad does not make a drunkard dry. Oh Lord, how desperately I need Your help!

 

There is nothing wrong with Harry. He came over that night to apologize. His pendulum swing is extreme, but he doesn't stay in one corner. Basically, he is a humble man. He is quick to apologize. He says a lot of things that we all know he doesn't really mean. The problem is, me holding him responsible for what he said. I want to be Christ-like. I don't want to do anything that the Lord wouldn't do. In this case my mind went back to Num. 14:2, 28, and Deut. 2:34-45. When the Lord told Israel to go into the land to possess it they refused and said, “Would to God we had died in this wilderness” (Num. 14:2). The Lord heard that and said,“Okay, if this is what you want – you got it!” (As ye have spoken in Mine ears, so will I do to you.) When they heard that, they pleaded, “Oh no. We will go in now as the Lord commanded” (Deut. 2:41); but the Lord responded, “I won't listen to you” (Deut. 2:45). There is something serious about what we say. Jesus warned,“By your words you shall be justified and by your words you shall be condemned” (Mt.12:37). It is a frightening thing to know that God will hold us to what we say. Should I do this with Harry? If so, that is the end of our relationship.

 

The tragedy of this is that the only winner is the devil. He is the only one grinning. This rupture is a significant loss for all of us; not the least of which is the Lord. Harry has been a very key worker and a significant man in my life. And I like to believe that this has somewhat been mutual in that perhaps he has gotten something from me. We have done a few things together and it would be a loss for the Kingdom of God if the devil has his way in this matter. But I am agonizing how to get this thing out of my system.

 

I am horrible in matters like this. When I was being put out of the language school in Karuizawa, I felt sorry for the men on the board who had the responsibility to fire me. They didn't want to do it, but TEAM mission had decided it was time for me to go. Even knowing that it wasn't their idea, I couldn't control the bitterness in my heart. I prayed for Stan everyday for years, but it was ten years later before the Lord took that bitterness out of my heart and I had my original love for Stan. I hope it isn't ten years before I get my heart cleaned up with Harry.

 

This has been the major struggle of the week, but in case I didn't have problems enough I got loaded with a terrible domestic hassle yesterday. On a cool day Pammy sweats like water running off a roof in a rain storm. I have never seen anyone perspire like she does. It is pretty obvious that she needs air conditioning. She had an AC unit in Lampan and finally got it brought up here last week. She got an estimate for what it would cost to install it, and miraculously a brother gave us a sack of thing he bought for us and left the exact amount of money in the sack of the cost of installation. Yesterday the man came to install it. We decided to put it in the kitchen and put the compressor unit in my shop. The only place we could locate the compressor was in the corner where I have my plywood storage. There were two possibilities; one was on the wall in front of my plywood and the other was lower down behind the plywood storage bins. My vote was behind the plywood, and there was a problem with the pipes coming out of the wall very close to where I put the plywood in.

I really don't want to bang the AC pipes every time I put a 4x8 sheet of plywood in the bin. The man said he couldn't get the pipes higher because of gravity flow for the condensation drain. Finally I had a brilliant idea to run the condensation drain into the bathroom. But Pammy drew the line. She didn't want the condensation drain water running across the tile floor in the bathroom. Only a woman would think of something like that. I exploded as bad as at anytime since we have been married. I said the sharpest words to her that I have ever said. Strangely enough, she went up stairs and laid down on the bed. Ten minutes later I saw the AC man doing something that looked wrong, and I desperately needed her to interpret. I didn't know why, but she wouldn't speak to me. Then the Lord reminded me that this was an identical scenario to my problem with Harry. I had said to her something about “I don't want to speak with you”. Now she wouldn't speak to me. I thought, “Oh, oh, the Lord is rubbing this in my nose.” But it got worse. I was busy with other things, and went out of my mind when I saw the AC man had hung the compressor in front of my plywood storage area, making it impossible to put a sheet of plywood in or out. If I say I was ballistic, I would have to specify that that was with an Atlas rocket and a neutral war head. I was consumed with rage. I said, “If that compressor isn't down in 20 minutes I will cut the pipes with a grinder, tear down that rack, and throw that compressor in the rice field behind our house.” I wasn't angry with the AC man. It wasn't his fault, but it was because of the communication breakdown with Pammy and her failure to explain to him what I wanted. I went to a friends house to cool off for two hours. The compressor man said he would come back Monday and move it. Of course he will have to recharge the compressor and the price will be higher as the distance to the back of the plywood storage area is further. It will be good to get that fixed, but I have damaged my marriage with my intense rage.

 

Last night we went shopping, and when we came out of the super market it was raining like the days of Noah. We had an honest 15-20 minute ride home with three of us on our motor bike. That was one of the most dangerous rides of my life. It was just like someone had a fire hose going in my face. The rain stung my face like being hit with a BB gun, and at times I couldn't see ten feet. Several times I had to stop to see where the side of the road was. Man howdy, was I thankful and praised God when we finally got home safely. But for some unknown reason Pammy didn't go in the house. I went in, got dried off, and changed my clothes, but Annie was standing in the living room looking for Mommy. I called Pammy, but no answer. Finally I went outside and was shocked to see her doing the laundry. Our washing machine is outside. I was totally bewildered why she was standing there sopping wet in a heavy rain doing the laundry. I told her to quit several times; and then, in an almost violent way, said, “I command you to quit.” Most reluctantly she she did turn off the washing machine and went inside to take care of Annie, who was crying by now. I don't know why, but Pammy slept in a different room last night. Things are very quiet in our home today. Pammy is obviously dealing with wounds that I inflicted.

 

Oh my goodness it is rough. I am dealing with three major ruptured relations. In all three cases I felt I was perfectly correct. I still feel I was right in honoring Sammy's request not to tell his folks where he was the first night. I don't blame the AC man for doing what he thought was best, even though he killed my plywood storage bins. And I have no idea why Pammy wanted to do the laundry in a down-pour rather than coming in the house to get dried off. It is not a matter of right or wrong. I have done serious damage while thinking I was right in all three cases.

 

Lord Jesus, please get the devil out of my heart. He has a strangle hold on me. Lord please set up your Kingdom in our home or it will soon turn into hell. Lord if You don't save us we won't be saved. Lord we are unworthy of Your mercy, but please do it for Your great Names sake.

Sincerely,

bill