Absolutely Impossible?

27 May 2012

Dear Phyllis,

These past two weeks have been very interesting in a highly unpleasant, negative, way. I could do with a lot less problems like we are faced with at the moment.

It has been nearly a month since we got our daughter, Annie. She is adorable! We love her very much. But shortly after we brought her home. Pammy began to notice that something was out of line. She had a very foul odor from her crouch. And when Pammy bathed her, she complained about pain in her vaginal area. We had been home about a week or so when one night Pammy came to me in a near panic. She said, Annie told her about getting molested (raped). We were horrified! But her story was very consistent. She said that the man in charge of the children's home, where we got her, was the offender. IMPOSSIBLE! But she told us in detail how he had repeatedly molested her and two other young girls living there.

I called Pastor Kichikun the next day and relayed the story to him. ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE!!!Pastor Kichikun had been close friends with him for over 20 yeas and vowed there was no way a man of that impeccable character could do such a heinous thing. But, of course, Annie would have to have a medical examination.

We were able to take her to an excellent lady pediatrician, who is also an outstanding Christian sister. Dr. Suprea was horrified when we sat in her office and explained the purpose for our visit. She said, “If this is true, this is a very BIG STORY.” Ten minutes later she turned to me and grimly confirmed, there is no question but what she has been violated. Dr. Suprea could not be specific what had done the damage, but there was no question but what someone had molested her. The hymen was destroyed, and obvious evidence of disruption in her vagina. She had vaginal infection which was causing the bad odor. Dr. Suprea gave us some medication to clear up the infection and instructed us to go immediately to a hospital for further clinical examination.

But that was a big problem. If we took Annie to a hospital, that would kick over an enormous bees nest. If a child is brought into the hospital that is clinically confirmed to have been molested, it is a criminal offense if the hospital does not notify the police immediately. This was one course of action we did not want to take at this point.

Unfortunately, the Thai police are not distinguished as being the most competent, honest, police force in the world. Just as certain as it rains in Thailand in the summer, it is common knowledge that there is lamentable corruption with Thai police. Two years ago, a tragic incident had happened here in Chiang Mai. The Mennonites had an outstanding nanny ministry where godly Mennonite girls were coming from the states to take care of unwanted babies until they could be transferred for adoption a year or two later. An utterly unimaginable scenario happened to two babies that looked like a criminal act. The police came to an instant mistaken conclusion, and the man who was in charge of that ministry had to flee the country to avoid prosecution. Shelton is one of the most godly men I have ever met. They had been very very careful about the quality of girl they permitted to engage in this ministry. He swore it was impossible for any of these girls to do what it appeared had happened. It was a medical problem – not a criminal act. I am sure the Mennonites were innocent, but that was not considered in the police report. I didn't want a repeat of that with the children's home.

Now, very clearly, a serious crime had taken place in molesting a three year old girl. This is a crime next to murder – if not worse. Two things must be done. First of all, whoever did it, must be stopped. There must be an absolute guarantee that this would never happen again. Secondly, the Thai law demands that there must be a penalty for such a crime. It is not Christian to try to negate the Thai law to protect the guilty person. He must be prosecuted, and pay for his deeds.

But there are two ways of dealing with this. One is to turn it over to the police. The second is to try to clean up the mess ourselves, and then have the perpetrator turn himself into the police. I saw serious potential damage done if we just called the police. An innocent man might get convicted, and the collateral damage could be severe. If it was proven – or even highly suspected – that the problem was the children's home, that would almost certainly mean the the children's home would be closed. Next, the Thai social service workers would step in, take all the children, and send them to government homes. We saw a real possibility of having even Annie taken away from us and put in a government home. We certainly didn't want that.

Annie was very consistent in her story that the director of the children's home was the offender. But then a second man was involved. It seemed that two men had molested her. Both were very godly men.

To me this was a church problem. When we had confirmed, by the medical examination, that a rape had taken place, I called Kichikun again, and told him that he must contact the president of his organization, and they must handle it. Then things began to go sideways.

Kichikun called the head of the children's home and asked him if he had done it. Of course not. He was shocked. Kichikun and I began to line up on different pages. We were agreed on the final resolution, but how to get there was the question. On Saturday our discussion began to polarize so badly that I finally said, “Alright. I'm out. Do it the way that you feel is best.”

Pastor Kichikun called Pastor Sahat in Bangkok, who is the president of their organization, setting up a meeting in Bangkok on Monday. I had met Pastor Sahat at the Baptist camp meeting last month and have only the highest respect for him. Sunday night the four of us – Pammy, Annie, and I, and Kichikun – took a night bus down to Bangkok. I had told Kichikun that I was out, and refused to attend the meeting. Four hours later Kichikun came back to the room where I had been waiting very pleased with the outcome of the meeting. Annie had changed her story again, and it turned out that the whole thing was an accident when she got struck by a stick by her 5 year old twin brothers (boys staying at the home).

Much later, when we arrived back home in Chiang Mai, I asked Pammy if she was satisfied with the final decision at the meeting. No. There were a lot of things that had been poorly handled. Annie again reverted to her original story and nothing had been actually proven true.

A few days later we spent a very profitable hour taking with Dr. Suprea. She was utterly astounded when she heard that Annie had been confronted by the man she was accusing of raping her before her testimony could be heard by the committee in the room. I asked her, “Is it possible that the damage done to her vagina, and the subsequent vaginal infection, could be cause by a stick?” Absolutely impossible! Now what do we do? Dr. Suprea agreed with me that there was little to gain by calling the police. They could go to the children's home but there was no evidence to substantiate anything. All we had was the vacillating story of a three year old girl. I asked about a child psychologist, but Dr. Suprea thought there was little to gain from that.

Now Annie has changed her story for the fourth time. She says that a different man had picked her up to take her to see her generic father, and he had done it. This is the most plausible explanation yet. She has given up accusing the director of the children's home. I would like to believe that he is innocent, and Kichikun is totally convinced that it is impossible for either he, or the other godly brother, to do such a vile thing.

This may never be settled this side the Judgment Throne of Christ. What we have been dealing with is like trying to use a weather vein for a magnetic compass. Annie has a known weakness in handling truth. Unsurprisingly, she has demonstrated that she too is a sinner. Like all children she has lied to us about other things. Dealing with such a traumatic experience, she has vacillate in her mind what actually happened. One thing we do know is that justice will be done. But perhaps not in this life.

It is tragic that such a serious accusation was leveled against a very godly man. But nothing can be proved. It can't be proven that I didn't do it. But Pammy will testify that I am innocent. (Annie says that Daddy is a good man.)

This has been a very uncomfortable three weeks. There is little question but what Annie has been violated by someone. We have been very confidential about this matter with other people. It would be unfortunate if this story was widely circulated. Two brothers that we did share our dilemma with were critical that we didn't notify the police immediately. In retrospect, I still fear there could have been serious collateral damage done, needlessly, if, less than infallible, police had handled the case.

Physically she has recovered nicely. When we first got her, her vagina looked enormous. This has shrunk up to normal size. The infection has cleared up. She has an unsurprising hostility towards men. Every morning she is hostile against me. But as the day wears on, she doesn't want Daddy to set her down. We spend a lot of time playing every day. She has made the adjustment of living here. She has totally bonded to Mommy and Daddy. It is gratifying so see a happy little girl smiling and laughing much of every day. Jesus is doing His work in all of our hearts. Our prayer is, that as she gets older, this will completely fade from her mind. We have our work cut out for us in raising this precious gift to be a flower for Jesus in God's beautiful garden.

This may sound like a dramatic story, but, tragically, we are only the tip of an iceberg. As bad as this story is, it pales in comparison to untold millions of other child abuse incidents that go on continually. Recently, I read a Dave Wilkerson book of testimonies of his work with street young people in New York. They are nauseating. And yet it is from these sordid messes that the Lord is calling out His Bride. God has reached into the garbage can of humanity to call out a holy people for His Son. If we were commissioned of God to go out to find the most lovely, spotless virgin to be presented to His Son as His eternal companion, where would we look? That would be a tough assignment. John had a similar dilemma when confronted with the question, “Who is WORTH to open the Book and loose the Seals?”(Rev. 5:2). That problem was simply to find someone worth to open the book. This would be much more difficult to find someone worth to be His Bride. John wept because there was no one found worth in heaven or earth worth to do that. But God has reached to the bottom of the slop bucket to find the ones for Jesus. And in Rev. 21 we see the Bride of Christ is the most beautiful being God ever created. She is the finest gift the Father could present to His Son. The cleansing Blood of Jesus is wonderful. She is truly beautiful.

Praise God, Annie has been saved from a life of abuse. Hopefully, she will be a lovely rose for Jesus. But there are countless thousands of others in far worse condition that are waiting to be reached.

His letter is somewhat confidential, but we need your prayers,

bill

Save the Babies!

The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew Himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward Him. (2 Chron. 16:9)

20 May 2012,

Dear Phyllis,

A week ago last Saturday, Paul called me saying they had a serious crisis. Mark had called him saying that 20 babies had been dropped in Mae Kachan, and there was no one there to take care of them. It was a desperate situation, and someone had to go to Mae Kachan immediately. I told Paul, “Sign us up. We will do what we can.” As we talked, we put together a team of three or four of us to go up there and stand in the gap until some help could come from America. Said, “I am preaching tomorrow morning, but we will be available right after the Sunday services We can stay until Wednesday, and you will have to get someone to replace us then.” Paul and Marisa came by at 1:00 to take us up to Mae Kachan.

I was sure the crisis was at Mrs. Lawan's children's home. I had been there several times in years past. At 2:30 we arrived at the children's home only to be greeted by a shock. Mrs. Lawan was out of town at the moment, and when we talked to her assistant, Geng, he acted confused. It was true that 20 children had been brought there the day before. There were five babies in the group, and some were sick. But when we asked, “What can we do?”, he was unclear. There was another American girl, who had come the day before to help out for a week. We asked her what the situation was, and she wasn't anymore knowledgeable than Geng. We had brought a truck load of supplies with enough Pampers and baby formula to last 20 babies for a month. Now no one could find the babies. Paul said, “No one will believe this story.” Paul suggested, “Well, should we go home?” Jessica said there was a lot of need there, and they could use help; so Pammy and I decided to stay for three days.

As it turned out, it wasn't a matter of our going up there to minister to 20 babies, but the Lord had sent two babies (us) up there for them to minister to us. Our time was definitely ordered of the Lord, but we were the recipients rather than the givers.

I have known Mrs. Lawan for 14 years, but this was a first time meeting for Pammy. She was just blown away. We hadn't been talking to Mrs. Lawan for than 20 minutes when Pammy said, “This is not fair. I have one three year old daughter; and that is almost more than I can handle. Mrs. Lawan has 151 children that she is raising by herself and is praying for 1,000”. I said to Mrs. Lawan, “You are just a faucet that God is pouring a huge amount of His water of life out to others.” The problem is that God has very few faucets that size that He can use. Most faucets have tiny holes, and – at best – you only get one drip a minute. Why the difference of the size of the orifice is very clear. It is just a matter of saying Yes to Jesus. Very few people say Yes every time. It is the rare person that the Lord can find to use.

The reason for this is because of three sacred cows that are the most important things in our lives. Our three sacred cows are our Plans, Possessions, andPleasure. Any thing that challenges these three cows is greeted with hostility. Anything that is a disruption of our plans is a severe irritation. We have a lot of things that we want to do. When things come up that demands we suspend our plans to meet the needs of others, we self-righteously say No.

Possessions are self-explanatory. Woe be to the turkey that touches MY THINGS. To have your home and your things to be public property to be used by others is unthinkable. I knew a German missionary who had lived in city in Japan for five years. When he left, he was replaced by a Japanese pastor. The pastor told a friend of mine, “When I moved in that house, I was the first Japanese to cross that door step in five years.” The missionary was very protective of his home and things, and no one was invited into his house. The spoil was very hard in that town. No one was saved.

Pleasure is a huge sacred cow. There are a lot of things we enjoy or dislike. Any infringement – either positive or negative – is a very hostile action. In the order of the three sacred cows, this is probably king. Few things in life carry as much priority as pleasure. In the secular world, pleasure is the driving engine. Unfortunately, we do not leave this engine at the door when we enter religion. To a very large degree, what we enjoy determines a great deal of our tastes and deeds. Things we do not enjoy are either avoided or met with an unpleasant response.

Our attitude to protecting these three sacred cows goes a long ways in determining the size of the orifice of our useableness for the Lord.

With Mrs. Lawan, these cows were all sacrificed at her alter of dedication when she said yes to Jesus. She was 38 when she was saved, and was a school teacher. She was married to a wealthly lawyer. It is no secret that there is a serious discrimination in Thailand against hill tribe people, and the children are frequently seriously neglected. She hadn't been saved long before she was confronted with the needs of a few homeless children. The least she could do was take them in. Soon this demanded that she use her own money to rent a small building to keep them. When I first met her in 1998 she was like the little old lady who lived in a shoe. Her facilities were desperately inadequate. At that time she had 50 children living in a small building with virtually no play ground or play space. She had no organization to fund her, and she was totally dependent on her Father in heaven to provide for the children she had taken in. The situation was so desperate and stressful that no one could live a life like that indefinitely. The best she could do was to say she might make it for one day. The next day was a repeat. To this day it's all she can do – live one day at a time.

The first time I met Mrs. Lawan, I was with Mark who had stopped there to give her some money. She was so overwhelmed that she showed us her books. They were unbelievable. She had virtually nothing to keep 50 children when Mark stopped by to give her enough to last for a few days. Some months later I was returning back to Chiang Mai from a run up to the Burma border. I was cold and soaking wet, riding my motor bike on a horrible, rainy, night. I just stopped there for a few minutes to leave a little money. Mrs. Lawan still remembers that night like an angel had stopped there to give her money enough for food for three days.

Six years ago, a wealthly man from Holland bought a large tract of land and built a very nice children's home for her ministry. Here they have room to play, individual ten children rooms, a large dinning hall and a large chapel. The children all seem to be happy, but here is a total absence of the three sacred cows.

Anyone who stays or works there can forget about personal plans. When some child gets hurt or sick there is no option except to take care of that child immediately. Mrs Lawan has no salaried staff to help her. There is one elderly lady who travels a considerable distance to come everyday to be the cook. She has had a few volunteers from the states who have lived with her to take care of the children. It is almost true that she is raising 151 children by herself. But, realistically, what happens is the older children take care for the younger ones. The average age is probably about eight as she has children ranging from small babies to some older kids in their mid twenties.

There is virtually no such thing as personal possessions.The only thing each child can claim as their own is a few clothes that they have to wash themselves. Toys, bicycles and things like that are unthinkable. The only thing that Mrs. Lawan might claim as personal might be her desk. She has given her life and everything she owns for the sake of taking care of unwanted children.

As for personal pleasure, I am sure the thought of that has not crossed her mind in many years. Being there was a little hard on Pammy who is clean to an extreme. There are a lot of things that are not what you might wish. Sanitation is impossible. The dishes are well washed and they have washing machines for the children to wash their clothes, but it is impossible to keep the place spotless. Pammy bought some toilet cleanser and brushes; and cleaned seriously needy sinks and toilets.

We didn't know what to do with our dog, Black Canyon, but I decided to take her. That was a good call. She was a hit. Many children greatly enjoyed hugging and playing with such an adorable dog. Annie was also a big hit. She fit right in. Having been raised in a similar children's home, there was nothing new about having a crowd of other children of varying ages all around her. She was just one of 152 other children.

Along with meeting the needs of 151 desperate Hill Tribe children, one of Mrs. Lawan's main goals is to raise an army of soldiers to carry the message of Jesus all over Thailand. The children get Bible teaching and worship along with their daily bread. All these children are well equipped to be outstanding soldiers for Christ. They are getting a solid Christian grounding there being raised in that environment. The thought of the three sacred cows of Personal plans,, Possessions, and Pleasure is just not a factor. These children are tough, dedicated, young people; marvelously well trained to be what is required to be front line soldiers for Jesus.

Staying at that children's home for three days gave me one of the clearest vision of 2 Chron. 16:9 I have ever seen. I can see now why the eyes of the Lord are running throughout the whole earth searching for a candidate of someone He can use. They are extremely rare. Mrs. Lawan is one in a million. Seldom have I seen such a selfless person. Because she has sacrificed her three cows, the size of the orifice in her that God can use is enormous. Major miracles are a daily event. Seldom have I seen anyone that the Lord has stepped forward to shew Himself strong in their behalf, to underwrite, as He does for her. She literally has nothing but God and, consequently, God is everything.

In 1912 William Booth, the founder of the Salvation Army, was nearing the end of his earthly journey. His organization was having their annual conference, but Booth was too feeble to attend. They had asked him to at least write a message to send to his followers. The moment came when the volunteers, which now numbered in the thousands, were gathered. His son Bramwell, who was the successor to his father, was on the platform. He opened the sealed envelope with the message from the founder, and took out the sheet of paper. There was one word written on it – OTHERS.

This is the heart of Mrs. Lawan. She thinks nothing of herself but lives entirely for others. This is why she is a faucet with a huge orifice through which Jesus is able to pour such an amazing flow of His life to others. But she is extremely rare. For most of us, our three sacred cows are like a frog in the line, making it it difficult for the Lord to get much of a flow of His Spirit out.

Lord, be merciful and help us kill those three cows. Oh Holy Father, please clean out the pipe and let Your Spirit flow through us, that Jesus might be honored and glorified. Honto ni (really). Amen.

bill

Jeanna's Redemption

13 May 2012

Dear Phyllis,

Five years ago the Lord gave me one of the great privileges of my life. There had been an incident here in Chiang Mai where a lady had shot and killed her husband. It was big international news. There was a buzz among missionaries wondering if there was any way someone could get into the prison to speak to this lady about Christ. My friend Scott Noble was working inside the ladies prison teaching English to inmates and saw Jeanna Crain every week. Of course, he tried to share with her about the salvation of Christ, but she was up to her ears in New Age and slam full of demons. For several months she would argue with him toe to toe. One day he told her the story of General Cha Dam (not the correct spelling) and that stopped her cold. She asked Scott, “Could you bring that man in here who knows General Cha Dam?”

General Cha Dam was the top North Vietnamese general who was responsible for the final assault on Saigon, and was in charge of the southern sector after the North Vietnamese victory. On Christmas day 2003, General Cha Dam had died of cancer in a hospital. He went out into eternity, met Jesus, and came back from the dead a healed, born-again, believer.

I was on blacklist in Vietnam at the time and couldn't get in there then, but three years later, when I got off blacklist, I did go to Saigon, and stayed with General Cha Dam for five days. When I first got there he said, “Bill, it is illegal for foreigners to stay in the home of citizens, but the police don't hassle me. We want you to consider this your home in Saigon.” He gave me a room and would knock on my door each morning saying, “Bill, your coffee is ready.” I would eat with him and fellowship with him each day. I heard his life story straight from his mouth.

The next week I went to the ladies prison with Scott and met Jeanna. She had argued with Scott but sat down like a little bird with her mouth open to listen to me. At the first meeting I sensed she had a serious problem with demons, and told Scott to get her a copy of Neil Anderson's, Bondage Breaker. She devoured that book in days, and asked Scoot, “Would you please have Bill to come in here and cast these demons out of me?” I did go with him the next week, and told her, “I can cast those demons out easily enough, but it won't do any good. They will come right back in. Your need is light.”

That started it. She was something like I had never seen in my life. What we did for the next three years was ridiculous. We stole the store in the ladies prison. I had no business being in there, but the guards let me in like I was the chief warden. Technically prisoners are only allowed to have one visitor a week, that they talk to through a glass divider for 15 minutes. Jeanna and I would sit at a table and talk like we were on a coffee shop for two hours. This let me disciple her and get her established in the faith. We had a rare opportunity. Jeanna had nothing to do each day but read the Bible, Christian books, and pray. She had zero responsibility for anything else. She is a highly intelligent woman, a avid reader, and had a capacity for spiritual truth that is extremely rare. Scoot kept her supplied with every Christian book he could find in the library. She devoured Christian literature, and within a short time was more knowledgeable than most pastors. She had a craving for the Bible, and was always full of questions each week when I would go with Scott for our weekly sessions. I don't know if I have ever seen anyone pursue Jesus with such intensity, and grow more in Christ than Jeanna.

Her husband was a cult leader, who was a horrible man, and she had six children. The only thing she did wrong was she should have shot him sooner, but the Lord will forgive her for that. The fatal night, he was at a restaurant with another woman. She confronted him, and a heated argument broke out. He pulled a gun on her. In the subsequent tussle he dropped the gun and ran. She picked up the gun and shot him. Because it was more or less in self-defense, the Lord was extremely gracious to her in giving her the miraculous sentence of only 3½ years in prison.

After Jesus took His place on the Throne of her heart, Jenna's passion was for the salvation of her children. Of course she wanted out of the slammer, but her whole goal in life was to be a Christian mother to her children. The court had given custody of the bottom five children to the eldest daughter, Angel, who was about 22 at the time. Angel did a commendable job in stepping up to the plate to be mother to the younger siblings. The Lord did another amazing miracle in that Angel got involved in a very good church in Canada, and was raising the other kids in church. This in itself was an amazing miracle. But Jeanna longed to get back home and unite the entire family around the Lord.

Christmas time, a year and a half ago, Jeanna was released and went back to Canada. But what greeted her there was worse than being in prison. Angel's heart was like stone, and refused to allow her mother to see her children. Jeanna has been fighting this battle ever since then. Recently she wrote me a letter that was heart rending. Last week I replied. Below is a copy of the letter I sent Jeanna.

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8 May 2012

Dear Jeanna,

Thank you for the long informative letter. It was one of the worst letters I ever read. Not the way you wrote it, but the contents of what you wrote are gut-wrenching. If I hadn't seen so much of life, your situation would make me question everything. To say I am bewildered is an understatement. I had such high expectation for you when you went back. But instead of going up, your portion in life has gone down. You were almost better off in the Institute where you could look forward to a fixed future. You had a date of release.

I was talking with a friend this morning, who was sharing with me two life shattering experiences he is going through. I told him the things in life that have amazed me the most about the Lord, is not the astounding wonderful things He does do, but the unbelievable things He doesn't do. When I was going through my hell 22 years ago , in my worst fears, I could not imagine things turning out as bad as they did. I said, it is impossible not to win. The character of God is involved in this, and it is impossible for things to go that far south. The more I prayed the worse things got. I saw things that blew my mind, and I still have no explanation for them today.. My friends had an International Day of Fasting and Prayer for the Cook Family. I thought if my friends can fast one day for me, the least I can do is fast three days. The results could not have been worse. The Lord knows.

From my perspective, prayer was worthless to counter-productive. Then the Lord spoke to me about Ps. 27:4 – “one thing”. I knew the one thing I was after was the salvation of my family. I decided to give that up, and seek the one thing that was David's goal – to behold the beauty of the Lord. So I quit praying for my family altogether. Much has happened since then. My prayers have never been answered. But, by quit praying for my family's salvation, I saved my own sanity.

I have no idea what, how, or when the Lord will answer those prayers. Reconciliation is impossible now. I have closed the door on any hope of reconciliation. I have no idea what the Lord will do for Rosemary, but I strongly feel He has pulled the plug on her, and her day of repentance has passed. Saul lasted 20 years after God pulled the plug on him. In cases like I had, there are extremely few that have a happy ending.

As for Angie, I wouldn't offer an opinion what will happen to her. The Lord may soften her heart and turn her around, or He may not. Why things have gone this way is a total bewilderment. It seems so utterly contrary to the character of God. But so do a lot of other things. The only thing I can suggest is, to give up on what you think God will do,and simply take hold of Jesus with both hands.

You are not alone in your bewilderment and disappointment. John the Baptist had a similar experience. He had every reason to have the highest expectations of Christ. What he preached in Mt. 3:7-12 was, there was going to be a house cleaning. The guys in the black hats were in bad shape. That never happened. The guys in the black hats won. When he got arrested, he felt it was impossible for that to turn out bad. But when Jesus did nothing, he began to wonder if he had made a mistake about who Jesus was. He sent his disciples to ask, “Are You the One, or should we look for another?” Jesus told them, “Go tell John what you see.” Then He added one more word - “And tell John, 'Blessed is he, whosoever is not offended in Me.'” (Mt. 11:6).

Martha and Mary had a similar experience when they sent word to Jesus saying, “Lord, he whom Thou lovest is sick.” (John 11). It was unthinkable that Jesus would not do something immediately. When He did come it was too late. Both of them said, “Lord, if You had been here our brother would not have died.” Mary was so hurt and offended that when she heard that Jesus had come, she wouldn't get out of her chair to greet Him.

If you are confused, at least, you are in good company. This is almost a sign of special approval. I would say that what Jesus is doing for you at the moment is a special act – in a highly negative way. He only meets out the most severe trials for His most favored loved one. Shallow people don't have problems like this. You are in a special category of a severe trial. That means you are special to Him.

I believe the greatest Christian of the 20^th century was Watchman Nee. I believe that much of the present blessing in China can be traced to him. But he had the same dismal end as John the Baptist. He spent the last 18 years of his life in prison and never saw anything that would look like an answer to prayer. All this will wash out in eternity.

The very crucifixion of Christ was a micro cosmos of disaster. It was highly compressed in time; but if the resurrection had been extended 100 years, it would have looked like a terrible disaster. John the Baptist's suffering lasted a few weeks or months. Martha and Mary's trial was probably two weeks. Watchman Nee's hour of darkness was 18 years. Christ death was three days. Israels night has been 2,000 years. In time, these moments of desertion vary. But in eternity they all will look the same.

Dear Jeanna, all I can tell you is that, weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning (Ps. 30:5). There is no dark night that does not end with a morning. Jesus has seen your tears and He has put them all in His bottle (Ps,56:8).

Standing with you,

bill

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We all have our problems. Rom. 8:28 is still a fact, and, someday, all will end in the glory of God.

bill

Filling the Blank Slate

6 May 2012

Dear Phyllis,

You may have noticed that I sent your PB letter early last week. The reason for that was, an hour after I sent that letter out we were on a bus headed for southern Thailand to pick up our daughter. We were in Lamae last Sunday, and I had no chance to write anything or send anything out. We were gone exact;y six days.

The Lord certainly went before us and proved Himself to us on many many ways. The very fact that we got on the bus was a miracle. The connection between Chiang Mai and Bangkok is easily the most heavily traveled route in the country. There are a number of buses leaving for Bangkok every hour. We had assumed that we would have no difficulty getting on a bus. There is a very fine new bus line with high quality buses and service. We went there first and discovered that they were booked solid until Monday. It was now Friday night. Next we went to several other lines to discover that everything headed for Bangkok that night was full. As much as possible, I wanted to get to Lamae by Saturday night to spend Sunday there. But if we couldn't get out of Chiang Mai Friday night, that meant it would be Sunday morning or afternoon by the time we got down south. I was seriously considering canceling our trip for three or four days, and try again the next week.. I was waiting by myself as Pammy was wondering around trying to figure something out. Suddenly she came running saying, “Hurry, the bus is leaving in three minutes.” She pulled off an unbelievable stunt – or maybe the Lord did an unbelievable miracle. She was talking to a bus lady asking if there was anyway we could get on that bus. Night buses frequently have two drivers, and there is a driver's bunk behind the drivers seat. There was only one driver that night and the driver and bus girl sold us that bunk at 30% less than the regular ticket. Of course the money went straight into their pocket, but we had a good bunk bed which was better than the reclining seats. We were still sound asleep when we arrived in Bangkok at 5:00 the next morning. That was the first miracle.

There are two major bus terminals in Bangkok, and we had to go to the southern terminal to get a bus headed for Lamae. The traffic was still light in Bangkok at that hour of the morning. We got to the southern terminal, and bought a ticket for a bus headed south in an hour. We went to the boarding dock, but the bus wasn't in yet. I was antsy, and kept asking Pammy if we were at the right dock. Thirty minutes before the bus was to leave, Pammy checked again, and, yappari, (just like I thought) we were at the worng place. We went to the next one, and waited until almost boarding time. Pammy wanted to go to the toilet before boarding the bus, and was gone when a bus man appeared looking for two missing passengers. The ticket lady had told him that there was a couple with a falang (foreign) man and Thai wife. Again we were at the wrong place, and would have missed the bus altogether if he hadn't come looking for us. At first, I refused to go with him, but shortly Pammy came back, and we just got on the bus one minute before it pulled out. The second miracle.

The bus went as far as Lung Suan, and James came that far to meet us in his car. What an unusual family! James was saved while in university, and had gone to Bible school. Somehow, he never felt called to be a pastor, but wanted to help children. I have no idea how many they have had over the years, but they currently have 14. They have about five acres of land that is very well kept up. He told me that their monthly support is only $450, which is woefully inadequate. Consequently, they live a very simple life style. He and his father-in-law have built most of their buildings. Their life style is almost like hill tribe people. They use very little electricity, cook on wood outside, and bathe only with cold water. There are chickens and ducks all over the place, and you have to be careful where you step. But they keep it amazingly clean. Their children range from small babies to mid- twenties. All the children have chores, and even young children take care of the babies. Our daughter, Annie, is only three, but I saw her pick up a crying baby and comfort it like a mother.

Annie! What a precious gift from God! Her Thai name is Ng, but that is unpronounceable for gaijins (foreigners), so we gave her the new name Ann or Annie. There was a cute little set of angel wings sown on the back of her blouse. I wasn't sure if they were cloth or real angel wings. It is easier to believe she floated down out of a cloud than to believe that she is a real person. She is the most adorable little girl I have ever seen! The Thais in southern Thailand are unusually dark, and her father is quite black. She might pass as a little Negro in the states, but when I get a dark tan I am as dark as she is.

I told you two weeks ago how we met her at the Baptist annual Bible camp. James had brought six of the children with him, and needed someone to take care of his three year old daughter. Annie slept next to Pammy the first night, and they bonded instantly. From the very beginning, she clung to Pammy's leg like she was her own mother. The two were inseparable for threes days at the camp, and Annie said right from the start that she wanted to go home with that mommy. He mother apparently was a very young girl who abandoned her when she was two months old. Her father is only 19 now (he was 16 when she was born), and couldn't take care of her. He gave her to James to raise, and agreed to give her up to us for adoption. Obviously, the Lord had prepared her heart to be our daughter, and He likewise, prepared our hearts to take her to be our own.

It is good that Pammy is Thai as she can talk to her naturally, whereas English is a strange language to her at the moment. But soon she will be perfectly bilingual. On our return trip we first went to Puket to see if we could get a direct bus straight to Chiang Mai. They were full for a week. While Pammy went out of the bus terminal to look for a place to stay that night, I stayed there with Annie. She didn't fully understand what was going on, and became very concerned. Shortly after Pammy disappeared, Annie began to anxiously say, “My Mommy! My Mommy!” I tried to reassure her that Mommy was coming back soon, but she didn't understand that. She became almost frantic. I tried to put her down, but she clung tight to me for fear that she would loose her daddy as well. Finally, I took her over to the Information counter, and had a Thai girl explain to her that Mommy was coming back soon. That helped, but it was one tremendously relieved little girl when Mommy came back to say, she found a good guest house for us to stay that night.

We went down there with an open ended schedule, but I did want to get back as soon as possible. One of the necessary things was to speak to Annie's father, to get final permission for adoption. He had previously indicated that he would grant it, but did want to speak with us personally. Sunday afternoon, we went to the market where he works selling durion. Praise God we got the green light. That night I spoke at James' little gathering for a church service. The next day I wasn't sure what was going to happen. James took us in his car to a rest stop gas station that had a coffee shop. The talk was all in Thai, and I didn't understand what was going on. Finally, Pammy explained to me that the girl running the coffee shop was a Christian, but had serious problems. James wanted us to talk to her. My contribution was about 5%, but I told her to read John 17:3 – “This is eternal life, that they might know Thee the only true God and Jesus Christ whom Thou hast sent”. And strongly encouraged her to develop a strong relationship of knowing the Lord by spending much time in His Word and prayer. I was surprised when she pulled out some idols she had, and gave them to us to burn. That was well worth spending an extra day down there just to see that victory.

While at that the coffee shop, a friend of Pammy and mine from Chiang Mai came up to hug Pammy. Sang La was traveling to Puket with an American couple. While they stopped at this gas station – the back side of no-where – she heard a sound, and said, “That is Bill Cook's laughter”, and came looking for us. What are the mathematical chances of something like that happening? Two sheets of paper couldn't hold the number of zeros you would have to write.

I wasn't sure what would be the best way to get home, but the direct bus from Puket seemed like the easiest. Tuesday morning we took a van and a bus eight hours to get to Puket, only to find that everything there was full. That seemed like a great waste of time and money; except that Puket is one of the major tourist spots in Thailand, and had been the scene of the worst natural disaster in Thailand with the tsunami in 2004. Pammy had always wanted to visit Puket, and it turned out to be a mini-vacation for us. In retrospect, I am glad we went there. It was good, and gave us a pleasant stay before our trip home. The bus ride from Puket to Chiang Mai turned out to be 26 hours. We left Puket at 3:00 Wednesday afternoon and arrived home in Chiang Mai at 5:00 Thursday evening.

Annie was wonderful the entire time. We only had two seats, which meant that Daddy had to hold her most of the way. My arms ached from holding her for hours while she slept, but it was well worth it. What a joy to hold my own little daughter! I greatly enjoyed every minute until we were three hours out of home. Annie was sound asleep, when I felt something warm and wet running down my leg. Back to reality. She wasn't an angel after all. She was a normal little girl. We are starting to work our way through life dealing with a normal three year old.

We went down to Lamae with a blank sheet of paper allowing the Lord to fill in the blanks. That is all we can say about the future. It is a blank sheet of paper, and we want Jesus to fill it in the way that will be most honoring to Him. We have no idea what the Thai law is in this case, but we have been warned that adoption is difficult. With our low income it may be impossible. Whatever happens, one thing that does seem firm is, at the moment, we have a three year old girl that has been released to our custody, and there is no law that will take her away from us. It may be that 17 years later she will be 20 and never legally been adopted as our daughter. But, before the Lord, we do want to make the major investment in her life, to raise her as our daughter, to give her every advantage of being raised in a Christian home, and be perfectly bilingual. I imagine it would be extremely difficult to get a visa to take her to the states. The US Immigration Service is refusing visas to adult Thais who have every qualification why it should be granted. I have found the US Immigration to be the most difficult I know of in the world. Communist countries are far more reasonable than the US.

The question has been raised, “Don't you think you are too old to raise a three year old girl?” My answer is, “No”. I feel far more qualified today than I was 40 years ago. I have as much energy as I did then. I am more patient than I was then. And I have had far more experience in life and with children than I did when I was 36.

This is a first child for Pammy, but I have been impressed that her motherly instincts are excellent. She is doing very well stepping into that role as a first time mother at 46.

Annie is a real heart-stealer. She is the star wherever she goes. At this point it looks like the Lord has sent a little angel to live with us. And I believe she is going to be a strong attraction to help us invite many of the people in this muban to join the family of Jesus.

May God grant it to be so.

bill