Pammy's Asked to Leave...she does.

O my God, I am ashamed and blush to lift up my face to Thee...

(Ezra 9:56)

25 August 2013

Dear Phyllis,

Yesterday that was all I could say to the Lord. In reading Andrew Murray on prayer, he reflected on God's first words to His created man. In this, He established the reason why He created man, and what his position and responsibility was to be. God's first words were; “Be fruitful, multiply, replenish the earth, subdue it, and have dominion over it” (Gen. 1:28). By this God clearly established that man was to be His viceroy over His created planet. Andrew Murray brought out that, when a king sends forth his viceroy to a distant land, he does so with the backing of the entire kingdom. Whatever his representative needs to accomplish his mission is at his disposal. If he needs troops to subdue the inhabitants, he can call for them, and they will be sent. If he needs supplies for his assigned task, the king will send such as he needs. The viceroy is the kings representative to subdue that land, and he has the backing of the empire to help him do it.

It was an amazing statement that God made of Abraham when He said, “Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do... for I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which He hath spoken of him” (Gen. 18:17,19). God knew that Abraham would run his family well. In this Abraham would be God's viceroy over his family and they would function as God desired.

The sphere of our responsibility has been reduced considerably since the days of Adam. In his day, Adam was God's single representative on planet earth, and he had the responsibility to fill it, subdue it, and have dominion over it to the glory of God. Today mans sphere of responsibility has been reduced – at a minimum – to be the head of his family. Very clearly God has instituted society in the order that man is to be the head, and run his family as God intends that life should be conducted. At a minimum, a man's family is his kingdom; and that is supposed to be an integral section of the larger picture of God's Kingdom. When that is out of line man has failed his responsibility.

In the case of a viceroy. If he can't do what he is supposed to do, with the backing of the empire, he is replaced. The king will get somebody who can do the job. In the Air Force the squadron commander is in charge. If something goes wrong for which he is responsible, he is replaced.

In 1958 our sister fighter squadron in Misawa, Japan had a real double ought (two zeros) pilot, Fred Braningham. Fred was the kind of guy that never could admit there was something he couldn't do, or be humble enough to ask for help. On a cloudy day he got lost while under flight control. He told approach control that he knew where he was, but didn't show up until it was too late. Finally approach control ask him to hit his IFF (a switch in the aircraft that would make a display on the radar screen on the ground). He was 250 miles out to sea over the Pacific. The flight control gave him a heading to take him home, but he never made it. He flamed out before he got to land. Fred bailed out and was miraculously saved, but the squadron commander bore the brunt of Fred's actions. He got relived for allowing such a stupid guy in the cockpit of a US aircraft.

In a similar way, a man is responsible before God for the conduct of his family. He has the authority and the backing of God to see to it that things go the right way. I sit in the back of the room with a dunce cap on for failing twice to have a Christ honoring family. I feel very strongly that a man's family is the reflection of his ministry. If a man fails there – regardless of whatever else he may accomplish in life – you can put a zero beside his name. My first marriage was a singular disgrace. When my wife became an adulteress, and my son was arrested for drugs; a boy that I had won to the Lord and discipled, later became the pastor of the church I had pastored; he called me in and said, “Cook san, you have no business being in Japan. A missionary whose family has so drastically dishonored the Lord has no business still being here. Go home!”.

For 20 years I went off the radar screen. For five years I was a homeless carpenter. Then in 1998 I started going to SEA to carry Bibles into closed countries. I felt the Lord had downgraded me from being a ningen (human). For many years I said, “I am no longer a ningen – I am a worm and no man (ningen)”. Jesus cried that on the Cross (Ps. 22:6). And for 21 years I was comfortable in my new status as being a subspecies. Life was simple and I could do several things that ordinary ningens couldn't do. You need worms to catch fish. You can't put a Rolex watch on a fish hook and catch fish. There was an advantage in being a worm. But then in 2009 I defected for the ranks of worms to rejoin the world of homo sapiens by getting remarried.

This has been a disaster. Almost to the man, all my friends advised against this. But I felt that this was something my Lord has set in front of me, and, as an act of obedience, I did it. The Lord knows who is right. But Pammy has been a challenge. Right from the beginning it was obvious she had no intention of being what the Bible describes as a Christian wife. She wasn't close. Marriage was something like Siamese twins with different ideas going opposite ways. It wasn't much fun. But I trusted her. That was a disaster – a huge mistake.

There were three areas where she failed badly – treasure, truth and time. By treasure, I mean money. I never handled finances with Rosemary, and I, naturally, had no intention of handling finances with Pammy, as she had to do all the shopping, and pay all the bills. At first we had a problem as she was always spending money way beyond what I thought was necessary. But the first major shock came last November when I got a statement from Japan saying she had maxed out our credit card. That is an ultra-no-no. I do not run on red ink. Ever since I have been saved I have lived by the policy that if I don't have the money I absolutely do not buy it. I refuse to borrow money, or buy anything on time. When I realized she had run up the max on red ink, I took the ATM card away from her, and refused to let her touch it. For four months I never drew a yen from the ATM card until the debt was cleared up in Japan. But then in June she secretly took the ATM card from the drawer where I was keeping it, and maxed it out again. I had no idea that anything had been taken from that account until I saw the statement from Japan a month ago. For the past two months I have carried the ATM card in my wallet as I thought it would be safe on my person. The only time she could use it would be at night when I was asleep. It was another shock two weeks ago when she confessed to me that she had done that, and drew out half the credit limit.

Two weeks ago wrote you about this and the agony I was going through with a wife that was beyond my ability to control.

The other two troubling “T s” are truth and time. Her inability to handle truth is so bad that I have learned that I can accept nothing at face value. She refuses to acknowledge much of what are incontestable facts. I have never figured out where all the money went. It certainly was nothing she brought home and she keeps coming up with a blank when I ask her what she did with it.

And time has always been a huge problem. Coming home late is standard, and staying out all night became so common that I didn't think it was unusual. The other night was another all-nighter and she came home the next morning like nothing was out of line. Behavior must be reward according to the deed. Good behavior should be reward properly, and bad behavior should be negatively rewarded accordingly. There must be bad consequences for bad behavior. But I was at a loss how to deal with this problem.

Wednesday morning the Lord woke me at 4:00AM. I was well rested and my mind was clear. The Lord spoke to me very clearly from Hos. 9:15 – “I will drive them out of My house, I will love them no more”. This was God's dealing with Israel.

Pammy was sleeping when I left for school that morning, and she was gone when I came home at 11:00. At 3:00 in the afternoon I called her and said, “Pammy, I have some very bad news for you. The Lord has told me that you must leave. And I am sorry but I cannot allow you to come home tonight.” Everyone has warned me, “You are going to have a hard time getting her out of that house. She won't go without a big fight, and she may call the police if you force her.” They couldn't be more wrong. I was astounded by her attitude. When I told her that she would have to leave, and that she couldn't come home again, she answered with the politest, sweetest, most gracious spirit you could imagine. I could not have duplicated it. In the most gracious way she quietly replied, “Alright.”

For three days she was gone. Then Friday morning at 11:00 she came to my shop. In the most respectful way she asked, “May I go in the house to get some clothes and personal things?” I said I would give her one hour to get what she needed out of the house. During her stay, she asked if we could talk. It was outstanding. I could not have improved on the script. She was wonderfully honest, and confessed how bad a wife she had been. She asked me to forgive her, and would it be possible for her to have another chance? I told her there were two things. The first being that; the problem with a liar is they forfeit the ability to say anything meaningful. She said, “Bill, I am very sorry. I promise to do better, and I really mean it this time.” I replied, “Pammy there is nothing you can say that you haven't said ten times before. I have believed you every time, and you have failed me every time. There is nothing you can say now that is meaningful.” “Secondly, this is not my idea. The Lord told me to put you out.” I had her read Hosea 9. She took it extremely well. When she left I told her, “I appreciate your attitude very much. It is extremely good and very helpful.”

Paul said, “Of course! She is a con-artist. That is what all con-artists say and do. She is just very good at it.” He won't give her a millimeter of space for being honest. Maybe he is right. I have been wrong about every other thing that has happened. She was so gracious she melted my heart, and I would have begged her to stay; other than I felt strongly that the Lord had told me that the time had come when she must leave. When she got on her bike to leave, she said, “Let's pray.” As her prayer was in Thai I have no idea what she prayed. But when it came my turn to pray, words refused to come out of my mouth. Finally I pleaded, “Lord Jesus, please hear the cry of my heart and the words I cannot say with my mouth.”

There is a celebration in town. Most of my friends are doing high-fives and dancing in the street. I am not so euphoric. I stand guilty before God. I am unquestionably responsible for the misappropriation of a great deal of the Lord's money. Several friends have told me, “People should never give you a dime as you allow sacred money to be wasted like that.” One brother has told me, “Bill, you are not the man of God you used to be. You have lost a lot of ground with the Lord.” Maybe he is right. When I consider my life and where I am today, all I can say is, “O my God, I am ashamed and blush to lift my face to Thee.”

bill

Liberals

18 August 2013

Dear Phyllis,

Before I start, let me apologize for this letter. This is not a good one. Not everything in life has a happy ending. I wish all my stories ended on a positive note, but there are many mysteries in this life for which we have no immediate answer. Toru Saito is one.

The daughter of my dear friend, Takako Yamamoto, Izumi, had a friend she met playing tennis. He was a brilliant young man that seemed to be an exceptional seeker for the salvation. After spending some time sharing Christ with him, Izumi suggested, if he was really serious about getting saved, why didn't he call Bill Cook in Karuizawa? He did, and we scheduled a day for him to come visit us. That was a most unusual day.

Toru was one of the most outstanding young men I had ever met. He was the third generation of a family of Todai professors. Tokyo University is one of the most prestigious citadels of education in the world. It is the unquestioned Japanese equivalent of Harvard, and perhaps a cut above Harvard. It clearly is the highest center of learning in Japan, and one of the highest in the world. Both Toru's father and grandfather were professors at Todai (Tokyo Daigaku [university]). Being the son of such a prestigious family, it was assumed that Toru would continue the family tradition. He had graduated for Kyoto Daigaku (university) which was second only to Todai, and he had done graduate study at Princeton. But for all his learning, there was a huge hole in Toru's heart in quest of the purpose in life, and he was a genuine seeker of salvation.

I spent a very challenging day with Toru trying to explain to him how he could be saved by faith in Christ. Finally, towards evening, I said to him, “Toru, if you want to be saved you are going to have to change two things – your diet and your environment.” Toru's major in college was philosophy. That was his graduate work at Princeton. He was on his way to being a philosophy professor. I told him, “It is impossible for you to have saving faith in Jesus Christ when all you feed on is anti-Christian secular philosophy. That is your diet.” We are what we eat. If the only thing a person feeds on is secular, anti-Christian, books and teaching, how in the world is it possible to have real saving faith in Christ? We must make our choice who we are going to follow. It is possible for a Christian to study philosophy, but they must do it from a perspective of where it is in error and is in contradiction to the truth expressed in the Bible. Salvation is a volitional choice. I told Toru, “You must make your choice of what you are going to believe – God's truth or secular philosophy.”

Dr. Don Chitic told me that when he was a young undergraduate studying science, he was greatly challenged in his Christian faith. Finally, he made the volitional choice, “I don't care what the professors teach in science class, I am sticking with the Word of God.” He said after he made that choice, the Lord opened science to him; and as a PHD, nuclear physicist, he said he had never faced a scientist that he did not prove to them that their position was patently impossible. When he made them admit that what they were teaching was impossible, he demanded, “If you know it is impossible, why do you teach it as truth?” Their response was, “Because we have no other alternative.” Don Chitic told me the problem with science and philosophy is not intellectual, but moral. They just don't want to accept God's truth because of the responsibly that goes with it.

And his environment was liberal Christianity. His family were Christian, and he was raised in the Kyodan church. I detest the Nihon Kirisuto Kyodan. The Kyodan is the largest Christian denomination in Japan, and is the product of pre-war Japanese nationalism. Before the war, the Japanese government knew they could never fully get control of the population if there was an opposition voice. To get control of the Japanese church they nationalized all the churches in Japan, and put them under the department of education. That way they could control what was taught from the Christian pulpits in Japan. After the war, MacArthur separated state and religion, and placed the church outside of government regulation. The conservative pastors bolted, and went independent, or started various other denominations, but the liberal group held together under the denomination of the Nihon Kirisuto Kyodan. Like the Three Self state church in China, there are some evangelical pastors in the Kyodan, but their seminaries and leadership are strongly liberal. I told Toru, “There is no way you can get saved when you are going to a liberal church where the pastor does not believe the Bible or preach salvation by Christ alone. You must get out of that environment.”

Two weeks later I had a most unusual call from Toru. He said he had dropped out of school, and wanted to come to Karuizawa to work for me as a teacher in the Japanese language school. I took him on as a teacher and said, “You can live with us.” The Cooks were famous in Karuizawa for our open home. Over the years we had many live with us ranging from students to yakuza (Mafia), drunkards, and mental cases. Of the many who lived with us, Toru was hands down the finest. Rosemary loved him. He was the politest, most helpful, and generally the best guest we ever had in our home. And he turned out to be a first-class teacher. He was very popular with the missionary students.

But Toru's spirit was the main thing. Seldom have I seen a person take hold of the Lord with both hands like Toru. His walk with the Lord and testimony was wonderful. Whenever I had a meeting that was getting dull, or slowing down, I would call on Toru for a testimony. What he had to say was always so fresh, invariably, that would pick up the meeting. As the months went on Toru shared with me that he wanted to go on to be a pastor. I said, “That sounds good to me. You seem to have the gift for it.” But I warned him that it was critical that he go to a good seminary. That was a problem.

His parents were furious, and his mother called me complaining that I was bad-mouthing and critical of their family religion. They had no objection to Toru being a pastor, but insisted that he must go to their Kyodan seminary. I strongly warned Toru against it; but at last he said, “I must obey my parents.” The last I saw him I pleaded, “If those professors say against against the person of Christ, or the Word of God, don't sit there and take it. Stand up and walk out.” He promised me that he would, and that he would come to see us often. Shortly after that we left Japan to return to the states for a furlough, and I lost contact with him.

Eighteen months later we were back in Japan and I was working one evening at the Bible school. I set tools down and looked up to see Toru standing in front of me. Oh my goodness, what a thrill! I grabbed him in a warm embarrass and said, “Brother! Brother!” But what came out of his mouth was ridiculous. It was gibberish. I said, “Toru, you have lost your English. Your speech is terrible.” I was thrilled to take him home for supper.

But that was one of the depressing moments of my life. Toru was radically different. It was as black and white a case of demonetization as I had ever seen. He tried to be normal, but every time I opened the Bible, prayed, or spoke of the Lord, a sick, suppressed, laughter would compulsively come out of his mouth. He would apologize, but he could not stop the mocking laughter when anything spiritual came up. He had gotten into a demonic cult, and was intensely evangelistic trying to convert me. A liberal seminary professor in comparative religion had gotten him off the track, and he had gone the whole nine yards in search of this demonic religion. The next morning when I took him back into town, I told him frankly, “Toru, you obviously have a serious problem with demonetization. I can cast those demons out of you, but it is up to you whether or not you want help.” A sad look fell over his face as he turned and walked away. That was the last I saw him.

A year later we were down in Ikoma when I received a call from a friend in Karuizawa. Toru had murdered his grandfather, a house maid, and a policeman. It was news on national television. A few days later, I had a call from a detective in Tokyo asking what I thought of Toru. I didn't tell him that he was demonized, but said he was as kooky as you could get. He talked about aliens coming from outer space, etc. The detective agreed with me that he was totally off his rocker. The court verdict was that he was criminally insane, and he was committed to an institution. So much for liberal theology.

Several years later, my life had gone to zero. I had lost my family, my home, friends , and ministry. I happened to be back on Karuizawa for a few day when I ran into Toru in town. I had no idea he was out of the insane asylum. Needless to say he was a much different person than the vibrant Christian man who had lived with us several years previously. He was a broken, desperate, starved being. He clung to me like I was his last chance in life. I was really komaru (big problem). My heart deeply went out to him. I don't know what happened to the demons. He wasn't as black and white as he was in our home that night. His attachment to the demonic cult seemed to be gone. Medication had greatly changed his mind, and he was under strong medication to keep him from becoming dangerous again. Obliviously, the doctors in the asylum felt he was safe enough to be released back into society.

His family was tragic. When he had murdered his Todai grandfather, his father had resigned from Todai in disgrace. Tokyo University could not have on staff, faculty of a family like that. Toru was a social vegetable. It was impossible for him to be a normal productive member of society. His hope of being a professor or pastor was gone. He found some semi-Christian social organization who took him on as a volunteer worker. They were kind in doing so, but he could never be normal. It was critical that he always be heavily sedated with medication.

When Toru saw me, he was like a drowning man clutching for anything that would keep him afloat. Of course, if he could come back and live with me, perhaps, he could get rehabilitated to life. But I was in the same boat as he was. I was a homeless man drifting around building churches and houses for free. I had no home of my own. But there was one ray of hope. Kichijoji.

In previous years, my friend, Gotthold Beck, was fantastic in taking in desperate cases and worked with people that no one else would touch. I felt that Toru's greatest need was love, acceptance, and trust. I have never gone over the brink myself, or taken medication, but I am familiar with crushing stress and marginal stability. In my lowest moments, I knew the one thing I needed to save me was for someone to accept me and have a little confidence in me. At the lowest point in my life, my friend, Robbie Edmonds, was God's provision. His comradeship and confidence saved me, and kept me going. If someone would step forward and do that for Toru, I felt that would be the greatest chance for success. But my hope was dashed.

I went to the Kichijoji Christian Center in Karuizawa and talked with a couple of the main workers there. Times had changed. Whereas years ago, Gotthold Beck was dealing with a relatively small handful of people, now there were over a thousand. The new workers didn't want to take on marginal kooks; and one man warned, “We don't know about his medication. If he doesn't take his medication he might kill someone.” No we don't want anyone like that around here. End of story. Toru later wrote me, but there was nothing I could do to help him. No, I don't like liberals.

By God's grace still in Christ,              bill

What Do You Feed On?

11 August 2013

Dear Phyllis,

There is no dearth of things I would like to share with you today. If I could reduce to e-mail all that is in my heart, it is doubtful that your computer has enough gig-a-bites (or mosquito bites) to down-load the letter. Some is positive and some is negative.

Last week the Lord laid on my heart to write another letter to my dear friend Neil Verwey. I have shared with you that Neil was wading across the River, and was waist deep in the water, but I had no idea how far he had yet to go. In my letter to him, I addressed it in the subject space for e-mail as “Farewell”; and concluded my letter with the remark “See you soon”. His son David wrote me that he had read my letter to his dad, but then sent a further dispatch 11 hours later saying that his dad had finally set his feet on dry ground in heaven. I was greatly heartened to hear such good news. Then the son of another close friend, Jim Norton, wrote me that his dad was in a similar condition. I was going to write Jim, but his son, Bryce, wrote me that his dad also got safely home. My heart is full of joy thinking of the celebration in heaven with the arrival of these two giant men of God. I can't imagine what it must have felt like to finally be released from their worn-out, pain-wracked, temples of clay to put on their new bodies that totally exceed our limited imaginations. Praise God!

Last week I mentioned that Pammy had been in Lampan for a week and was diagnosed with hyper-thyroid. Her attitude was good when she returned home, but there were serious unsolved problems that had yet to be dealt with. Much to my dismay, the Lord told me that Wednesday night was the time to deal with them. The Lord did help.

We have had horrible financial problems. Three weeks ago I received a most encouraging statement from Japan saying that we had more funds than I had seen in years. Domestic problems were such that I felt strongly that the Lord would have me go to far west China for an indefinite period. I went to the bank to draw money for my trip, and was stunned to discover that my Master ATM card was dead. About ten days ago I finally got another letter from Japan explaining what had happened. In early June, I had place the ATM card in a drawer, but when I went to use it again, for the life of me, I couldn't find it. I finally had to ask my friend, Hirota, to send me a new card. The statement I received from Japan the other day showed that while the card was missing “someone” had overdrawn the credit limit on the Master card; which explained why it was dead. It didn't take Shurlock Holmes to figure that one out. When I spoke to Pammy, I first had her read 1 John 1 about walking in the darkness or walking in the light. I said, “Your life, and our future depends on your honesty”. When I confronted her with facts, my heart sank. She flat denied reality. No, she had taken the card and knew nothing about the money. Paul has been warning me that she is a text book sociopath. Psychiatrists say that people with this malady are incapable of processing reality. They can kill someone, and not realize that that is wrong. I felt like a parent with a child that they were concerned about his hearing. To test his hearing, they fired a rifle shot off in his ear. No response. He is stone deaf. A sick feeling gripped me in the pit of my stomach that I could not reach my wife with rational thought. She is reasonably normal except there is no body home to answer the phone when I talked about the missing money.

At first I said, “You will have to go back to Lampan to live with your sister”. She asked, “What can I take with me?” “Anything in the house that is yours”. “Shall we sign the papers for divorce?” “Yes.” There was no argument or unpleasant exchange. But I went up stairs with the sickening feeling that I was confronted with a problem that is beyond my reach. Two hours later I came down stairs for supper, and she was as pleasant as she ever gets. That night she was a wonderful loving wife. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. As I lay in bed, Pammy asked, “Bill, why do you have that pained look on your face?” I replied, “The Lord will have to explain that one to you. I can't”.

Since then, not surprisingly, I have spent a great deal of time wondering and praying about my responsibility. Common sense and sanity demands, “Put her out!” But is this the Spirit of Christ? If she is genuinely sick with a bona fide mental problem, should I put her put out on the street? The fact that she has hyper-thyroid is easy. Of course I will work with her. If she had cancer, of course, I would be faithful. But where does sociopath fit in the equation? I look at this like an addiction. Shrinks call it a sickness, but God calls it sin. Shrinks say there is no cure for sociopath. I say there is nothing that Jesus cannot do.

I have been reluctant to openly discuss with you the details of the problem I have been wrestling with for two years. But if this is a medical problem, I see no restraint in being frank. At first it seemed like there were only two options – out or in. But reluctantly I did consider there is a third option – counseling. I detest that!!! I have had 20 years of shrinks and counselors. Twenty three years ago I gave up everything to return to the states to get cured by two years of psychotherapy. You know the results of that. Rosemary was certainly cured, but the cure was deadly. She became a hard-core woman's libber, and ultimately divorced me. I got labeled as incurable for banging my head against the educated shrinks. History has proved that I was right. Is that what the Lord wants? Should I knock on a shrinks door again?

There is a counseling service here in Chiang Mai. We don't don't have money for psychiatrists, but they say that Corner Stone is by donation. If that was Haggi Iverson's Burden Bears I would go in a heart beat. I don't know. Two friends have recommend Corner Stone to me. I asked Pammy if she thought she had a mental problem. She seemed to give it serious thought, and said no. I asked if she would be willing to go to a counselor. She asked about the money, and said, if it wasn't expensive – yes.

I like Jesus. The Lord has been very real. His Name is Counsellor (Isa. 9:6). I rather suspect that He is pretty good at what He does. Maybe this counseling route is the best.

I have searched my heart for the motivation that is driving me. It seems the the main force in the get-out approach is personal escape. It would be great to get out from under a maddening mess. If that is what I am after, then it is highly unlikely that this is the Spirit of Christ. There has been the strong argument that my present situation is dishonoring to Christ. That bothers me. We are so far below the minimum level of what a missionary couple should be, that it is like putting a plow horse in the Kentucky Derby. We just aren't in the running. My gut feeling is that I would rather keep Pammy than run her off. And I assure you that is not for hormonal reasons. In many ways she is a help. My Thai language is zero. It is good to have someone here to deal with people who come to the door, and the myriads of details of living in Thailand. At the base level of domestic living we are making it. There is a side of her that is marvelously Christian. She has a burden for souls, and is the most aggressive witness for Christ that I have ever seen. She is an incredible soul-winner. She loves praise music, and has that going all day. Her Bible is well marked and prayers are lengthy. There are an astronomic amount of unanswered questions, but there is no direct evidence that she has been playing hanky pank. Tonikaku (anyway) this is an interesting day for me.

On the spiritual side, my morning meetings with Jesus could not be better. Things are so fresh and real, I frequently feel like I just got saved. Oh my goodness, what He has been showing me! Recently I have been reading Andrew Murray on the Blood of Christ. Off the scale!!! He had a chapter on drinking the Blood of Jesus and eating His flesh (Jn. 6:53). This has long been a huge mystery. Andrew Murray said the the Blood of Christ – like water – had two functions. Water is both used externally, for washing, and internally, for life. He said the Blood of Christ likewise cleanses us from sin (Heb. 9:14) and that multitude in heaven who washed their robes and made them white in the Blood of the Lamb (Rev. 7:14). But the Blood of Christ is drink indeed, for our life (Jn. 6:55).

In the communion wine and bread, we have the most direct example of what the Blood of Christ and the flesh of Christ is as is possible. When we drink that wine, and eat that bread, that is literally transformed into an integral part of our body. Nutritionally speaking, wine and bread literally becomes part of our flesh, blood, and bones. Our digestive system converts the things we eat and drink to be the elements of our body. Just as real as the food and drink we live by becomes our physical body, the Spirit of God converts the things we put in our heart into what becomes our spirit.

The new birth is an unfathomable mystery. Perhaps Mary's experience is as close as we can come to understanding it. In the immaculate conception, something happened in a human body that had never happened before. There was a human seed in Mary's womb. That was just like any other female seed. But that was fertilized by the Holy Spirit. The female seed came from the woman, but the male seed came from God. At conception, a new life that had never existed was formed in Mary's body; and that fetus became Christ. In the same way, at the new birth, the Spirit of Christ enters our spirit and creates a totally new life within us. 1 Cor. 6:17 says, “He that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.” That new life within us is one spirit in exactly the same way as the life that was within Mary was one body. Mary's fetus was the union of her human seed with the divine seed of the Holy Spirit. That was one body – Jesus. In Mary's case she and her fetus were separate beings. But in our case, the new life that is in us is the new man in Christ – our spirit with Christ's Spirit. With Mary, she had two physical bodies, but in our case it is our dead spirit that becomes alive when Jesus comes into our heart.

We have all heard messages on how Jesus is the Bread of Life, and we must have three good meals a day in order to be healthy. The other day I was asking the Lord what it is to drink the Blood of Christ, or how you do it. I hadn't the faintest idea how to do it, but I thanked God that I had done it. I knew that because I knew I had His life in me. But as I asked Him how you eat and drink, the Lord gave me a perverse answer. In discussing this with Paul I said, “I am sure you know what it is to feed on smut.” He said, “Man howdy, that is all I lived on. I had drawers full of that stuff, and I fed on that all day long.” People feed on all kinds of things. Women feed on soap opera. Some men feed on porno. Some men feed on football, some politics, etc. We are what we eat. And we can feed on Jesus the same way. The other day I was feeding on my problem, and the Lord reminded me that I had better quit, and put Jesus front and center. Paul had the same experience. He was feeding on negative things, and got convicted. He started feed on who Jesus was, how wonderful He is, all He does for him. And Paul said, pretty soon, he thought he was going to explode. He said, “I felt like I was 25, and could take on the world.” I told him, “Yes, that is literally the power of the Holy Spirit strengthening your spirit”.

Someone raised the question, why did the Lord allow Neil Verwey to have that horrible cancer? David answered that question by saying, obviously, the Lord wanted Neil to animate for us how a person should handle cancer, and go to heaven. I don't know; maybe the Lord wants to animate in me how you are supposed to handle marriage problems that might bring Him glory. If that is the case, I better feed on Jesus daily, and allow Him to grow in me.

Arigato (thanks),

bill

Zeph 3:17

4 August 2013


Dear Phyllis,


This past week has been a relatively good one. As you know my life has been changing like a kaleidoscope, and the brakes have been slammed on what I thought was a major move in my life. The potential for stress has been high, but the other day the Lord met with me with a verse that has blown me away. In a search for other things, I found myself reading Zephaniah. There was a verse that was underlined in my Bible that arrested my attention. The more I thought about it, the more the reality of that verse gripped my soul. There is no way I can reduce to three pages all that the Lord has been saying to me through that verse, and it is doubtful that I can discuss it as meaningfully as it is to me.


The verse is Zeph. 3:17 – “The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; He will save, He will rejoice over thee with joy, He will rest in His love, He will joy over thee with singing.” Oh my goodness, the shelves would sag under the weight of the books that should be written about that truth. It is so wonderful it seems almost like sacrilege even to discuss it. Every word are Load Star diamonds.


The opening remark, “The Lord THY GOD”, got a tremendous grip on me. Oh the joy to be able to say the Lord is my God. There are so many gods in this world. We live in a country where 99% of the people look to a piece of stone or wood to be their god. The emptiness; the hopelessness, the sickening emptiness of a life where that is all you have for a god. To know that my God is the One who made all things, He is above all things, and He is in control of all things. That alone should be enough to take all the stress out of life.


Then the next two reminders – in the midst of thee, and He is mighty. To be reminded that He is not in some distant heaven, but He is actually here with me and in me. To know that he is slam in the middle of all the turmoil going on in and around me. And, of course, He is mighty. He really doesn't have His hands tied. Any problem I may have is not beyond the reach of His arms. He is mighty. Hallelujah!


But then the next four HE s are off the chart. He will save. He will rejoice. He will rest. He will sing. Oh my goodness what more can you say? When I read that declaration HE WILL SAVE – I thought, “Well there is the end of all my problems. He will save”. I don't need to know any more than that. If He has promised, “He will save”, it is futile to worry about what is going to happen. I know the bottom line – He will save.


There is one problem here that sometimes salvation needs to be defined. The Lord's salvation and ours may not be the same. But regardless what it is, I will buy His salvation. Not every one with terminal sickness is healed. Not everyone with financial problems are delivered. I'm sure Watchman Nee and thousands of his followers believed in the Lord's salvation that he would be released from prison. But those with terminal sickness sometimes find themselves marvelously healed in heaven. Those with financial problem sometimes find that their dreaded failure was only the door that brought them out of chains of one business to the freedom of something far more profitable. I knew a brother in Japan that went bankrupt over a note to cosign with an unsaved brother. It cost him his business but he wound up a pastor. In eternity I am sure he thanks God for that release. The last word that Watchman Nee was ever able to get out of prison was “I still remain joyful at heart”. I believe much of the present revival in China today can be traced to Watchman Nee's suffering in prison. Wang Ming Dao and Watchman Nee were both contemporary mighty men of God in China. Both were imprisoned. After 23 years Wang Ming Dao was released and continued to have a tremendous ministry for several more years. Watchman Nee never came out. Of the two men, I believe Watchman Nee is by far the greatest and his salvation is the most spectacular. I don't know what will happen to me, but I do know that He will save.


Salvation is the central point of Zeph. 3:17, but the next three He s are so descriptive, and tell us so much about His heart – He will rejoice, He will rest, He will sing.


When read that my mind went to Eph. 1:18,19. In Ephesians we have two Pauline prayers, that I believe are his finest. In his first prayer in Eph. 1:17-23, Paul prayed that they would know... .In his second prayer in Eph. 3:16-19 he prayed that they would be filled... . Paul's prayer in chapter one has always been a mystery to me. Somehow I always felt that Paul got his pronouns mixed up. He prayed that they would know the hope of His calling and the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints. It seemed to me that he got that backwards. If he wanted to talk about our inheritance in Christ I can easily buy that. But to talk about the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, that didn't make much sense.


But this is what Zeph 3:17 is talking about – His joy; His rest, His singing. The main point of salvation is not what we get out of it, but what He gets out of it. With our humanistic mentality, this is a hard one to get a hold of. I know of no way of solving the mystery, but it is highly instructive to realize the price the Father placed on us is the Blood of His Son. Somehow we all know that. The very concept of ransom means buying something back. The price for a soul is the Blood of Christ. I can see why the Apostle prayed that the Father would give to the Ephesians the spirit of wisdom, revelation and knowledge; that they might know the hope of His calling. We need that more desperately than they did. Somehow the Lord gets tremendous glory out of saving us. For one thing it is the revelation of His character. Had Adam never sinned, we never would have known the depth of the love of God. It is easy to love a nice person. But it is glory to love and pay such a price for a bad person. That is the one that makes us scratch our heads. And the Father is so pleased with His purchase that He rejoices over it with real joy.


Sometimes we rejoice over things regardless of the circumstances, simply because it is the will of God. Mable Carroll had a very hard time with her third pregnancy. The sack burst at five months and she had to be immobilized for four months in a hospital. Everything was normal except she went into labor early. The baby turned out to be a boy. She screamed for joy. But then the infant stopped breathing. The doctor pick him up and got him going again. Then he quit. It was a futile struggle until the doctor lost the battle and the baby died. Joe and Mabel were devastated. But when they wheeled Mable back to her ward room, Joe said, “Now we must thank the Lord for the wonderful thing He did for us today.” That was tough. But there is nothing forced with God. He is so pleased He rejoices with joy.


And the thing that brings Him so much satisfaction is that He can rest in His love. You can't do much better than that. If He had to rest in my love there might be a knot in His stomach. If I had to rest in my love, I would say, “Forget it. It ain't gonna hold”. My love is too shallow and vacillating. But there is such enormous strength in the love of the Father He can rest assured that it will prevail and I will be saved.


Perhaps the most amazing statement is that the Father is so pleased with His salvation in saving us that He burst out singing. After Paul commands believers to be filled with the Spirit, he then explains one of the surest proofs of the fullness of the Spirit is a song in the heart. How many times have we heard that. By our own experience, and listening to the testimonies of others, it is common that after someone is delivered from darkness and brought into wonderful light, suddenly they have a song in their heart. There is so much joy that it demands expression by bursting out singing. Isn't that amazing? The Father is so pleased with His salvation that He bursts out singing.


Oh my goodness, if this is true, where is my problem? To know that the Lord is my God and remember that He is with me and He is mighty. Then to hear that declaration “He will save”. More than that this brings Him so much pleasure He rejoices over me with joy, He rests in His love, and He has burst out singing!!! Man howdy, what more can you say? Luther expressed it so well when he wrote, “What more can He say than to you He has said; to you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?”


Yes, it has been a pretty good week. Materially not much has happened. And yet some major things have happened. Last week, Pammy''s sister came to visit us; and it seems that Pastor Kichikun led her to Christ. When I first heard that testimony I was dubious, but what I have heard since then makes it sound very real. She has broken off with all known sin, and her involvement with the devil. She is reading her Bible with joy and seems to have song in her heart. If she sticks with Jesus, that will be a huge victory. That makes everything else worth while.


Monday Pammy went to a doctor who said she had thyroid problems. Tuesday Pammy went with her sister back to Lampan, 100 km away, and went to a specialist. She had a blood test that showed her thyroid was almost off the scale. The normal thyroid is supposed to be 4, and Pammy's turned out to be 30. The doctor said it was a wonder that she hadn't had a heart attack or some serious problem. That doctors report explained a lot of things that I have been aware of, but never took too seriously. For some time Pammy has been complaining every morning that her eyes were swollen, and she had a fervor. I said, “Yea, yea, you will feel better after you get up.” But swollen eyes is a major symptom of thyroid malfunction. And the fervor seems to be bonefide. I had so much of this with Rosemary, who was always complaining about physical problems – most of which were imaginary – that I never took Pammy too seriously. But this put new light on the subject. She has chronically complained about having no energy. Again this is a common symptom. The doctor has given her some pills that seem to be helping. The usual dose is one pill a day, but he told her to take four.


Pammy has been staying in Lampan since Tuesday with her sister, and stayed down there today to take her sister to church. I agree with that 100%. I am pleased that she found a doctor that put his finger on what apparently is a major physical problem. It is good that she is getting help. And I am pleased that she is there with her sister to pray with her every day, and help her in her initial steps in getting established in a good church, and basic instructions in following the Lord. All of that is highly in the plus column. Pammy says she will be home tonight.


There are some major problem that I mentioned last week that have never been dealt with. Her attitude, at the moment, is very good, but it is yet to be seen how we will make out in dealing with bedrock problems that have plagued us from the beginning.


Zeph 3:17 has been a wonderful tonic for me, but I have told the Lord that my salvation is not the central issue. The glory of God is! The honor of Jesus is everything. What happens to me is of little consequence, but we don't dishonor the Name of Jesus. That is the vital issue. Whether or not I am saved is incidental, but I am desperately concerned that I want my life, my wife, my marriage, and everything associated with me to be a credit to the Lord. If the Lord will join me in this concern I will be forever grateful. Isn't that ridiculous? Ya'll pray for us, heya. (That is southern for please pray.)


                                                                                                               bill