Memories

26 Aug, 2001

Dear Phyllis,

Here I am again playing with my computer. You are the only one I write letters to so I am taking the liberty to experiment on you. I have had one week living in my life center and love it more than anticipated.

When we were living in Karuizawa and the boys got old enough for a swing I decided to build a super swing for them. I cut down three tall spruce trees on our property, dug a six-foot hole for each one and set them in concrete. That left about 25’ sticking above the ground. I went up 12-15’ and fastened a ring of logs around them for the crossbars for the swing. It seemed mottainai not to build something up there so I decided to build a tree hut for the boys. But as I got into it, the structure got more elaborate and it finally wound up being a prayer tower for their dad. I was so enthralled with that fabulous prayer perch that I dedicated it to the Lord and vowed I would never do anything up there that was not sanctified. If I wanted to allow myself the luxury of some sinful thinking I would put it off until I got down, but I would never entertain any thoughts that were not devoted to the Lord while I was up there meeting with Jesus. Every morning at dawn I would take my Bible or some Christian book and go up to my prayer tower to meet with my Lord, and as long as I lived there I never had a time when the Lord didn’t graciously meet with me. Through this experience I developed a theory of sanctifying some area for devotions. In my study of Ezekiel’s Temple it seems that that principle comes out. I have never heard any teaching on that subject. Whether or not it is valid I don’t know – but it sure doesn’t hurt. I am applying the same principle to my life-center and am trying to avoid engaging in things that are secular.

This morning was my turn to preach and I had a miserable time. It is hard to reconcile what we profess of the presence of the Holy Spirit with the deadness of the meeting. If, in deed, the Lord was there we should be on our faces worshiping with burning hearts. We were nearly on our faces all right, but it was because of drowsiness as the listeners couldn’t keep their eyes open. How I detest this religion! We go through the formality of saying the things we should but there is a dearth of reality in our worship. This morning I had a grand audience of three – two of which were asleep most of the time. You should have seen the nodding heads – but it was not because of agreement with the message. It was so bad I couldn’t look at them but had to look off into space and act like I was talking over the radio to an invisible audience. The one that did stay awake was Mrs. Onodera. I was amazed that she seemed to be taking constant notes and ironically later – for the first time in months – she thanked me for the message and said she was refreshed by it. I don’t know how to figure that out but to me it was as mechanical as playing a tape or reading a book. My text this morning was John 11, the resurrection of Lazarus. I had a grand time meeting with the Lord preparing that message. At times it seemed like I was in that home in Bethany listening to the fellowship they used to have when Jesus stopped there so often. At one point I asked the question, “Where were Martha, Mary, and Lazarus when Jesus was crucified?” Surely they must have known what was going on. They certainly were in the inner circle of friends and would have been following this very closely. John, the mother Mary, several women, and a few other followers were at the foot of the Cross. The three from Bethany must have either been there – or more likely – found it so terrible they had to go home. Wherever they were I knew exactly how they felt. I felt it too. They just were numb! Oh,my goodness, what a roller coaster! They had just gone through the death and resurrection of Lazarus a few weeks before then, Jesus had spent most of the last week staying with them, and then their Lord was crucified. That is more than anyone could take. They would have just been numb with shock!

I remember the morning my dad died. He had  a heart attack the night of my graduation from high school. It was very serious and he had been in the hospital for a month. My mother seemed to have a premonition that the end had come and went down to the hospital early that morning. She called back around 8:00 AM to tell my sister and me that dad was dying and come immediately. When we got there the scene was unreal. Somehow everyone knew what was happening but there was nothing you could do. It was Sunday morning and dad was pleading to get the doctor as soon as possible. The nurses were calling but it would be some time before Dr. Johnson would arrive. I couldn’t handle it and went into an empty room next to his. A few minutes later, my mother came in to get me and asked if I wanted to be with dad as he was going. I was numb. I couldn’t move. Mom and my sister wanted to be with him but ten minutes later the nurses brought them back as they couldn’t handle it either. We just stood there in mute silence for fifteen minutes listening to the groans through the wall until the nurse came in to tell us it was over. That was my introduction to death.

Surely it must have been some hideous scene like that when our Lord was executed in such an indescribable fashion. For Mary, Martha, and Lazarus this would have been worse than the end of the world. As I thought about their experience I went numb. But then three days later…. The realities of these experiences eclipse our ability to assimilate them. All that was before the coming of the Holy Spirit. Now the very Spirit of Jesus has come to live with us. If that isn’t enough to ignite our hearts I don’t know what would. Sometimes that seems so real I tremble having devotions, but then I try to describe that to our little congregation and watch their heads go down with dressiness.     

What a ridiculous letter! But that is the way I felt this morning trying to describe such earth shaking realities to two drowsy men and one lady taking notes. And this is supposed to be church?!

I’ll send this off again by E-mail as a test but lick a stamp so you can see the pretty color.

Please give my regards to our Elder Brother Jesus, who lives with you there.

                                                                                       From Japan,  bill

19 August, 2001

Dear Phyllis,

You will have to forgive me, but I am playing around with my computer trying to learn a few new stunts. If a fellow was only smart enough it seems like there are endless amount of special things you can do with these gadgets, but I am thrilled if I can only turn the thing on and off and occasionally type a letter.

Yesterday was a banner day for me. Until recently I have been very fortunate in having access to NLL computer and printer. Until a few months ago I always used the NLL computer for checking E-mail, but I finally decided to bite the bullet and get a phone line put in my room. This got me on the Internet for the first time. This was a real advance, as I didn’t have to put everything on a floppy disk and send my mail off on the company machine. I could sit in my own room and handle everything direct. Then about a month ago the NLL computer became unavailable so one of the fellows brought the printer down to put it in my room. This brought up a new problem. Up to now I have always sat in a large chair with my feet up on my bed typing with my laptop on my lap. But with the printer on my desk I had to plug it in and out every time I wanted to print anything. Years of experience with electric tools has taught me that you will soon wear out a plug if you plug it in and out too many times. This meant I had to change my whole style of living. Of necessity, I had to design and build a computer desk where I could have my laptop and printer together so as no to wear out the plug. I thought a chaise lounge type of a chair would be the most comfortable and for weeks had in mind to try to make myself some kind of a chair like that. About a week ago I was in a home center and saw a fantastic zaiisu (legless chair) that looked almost like it had been an expensive car seat. It was richly padded, had a reclining back, and a swivel base. Best of all, I bought it for Y5,000. First I had to make a base to set this on. I made the base about three feet long and mounted in oncastors. Next I had to make another base to set the first one on to get it higher and made a fancy footrest. On one side of the footrest I fastened two sturdy legs and built a double level cantilever desk that was over the footrest. Then I made another desk that swung back and forth so I could put my computer on that and bring it right down on my lap as always to type. I know you can’t picture what this looks like, but suffice to say, it is the most incredible thing I have ever made for myself. This fabulous chair rolls back and forth on the second base so I can sit right up to the desk to type. But it swivels from side to side and reclines all the way down. I am in love with it! I call it my life center as I hope to spend a major portion of my free time sitting in this ultra-comfortable chair having devotions, reading books, and typing.

But to put it in my room required major changes. Some friends were planning on coming out here to visit NLL yesterday but cancelled out at the last moment. That gave me a free day to arrange my room. I started out by placing my life-center – which is nearly 5’ long – beside the window. To do this I had to move my bed and desk away. I decided if I was going to have house cleaning – WHY NOT HAVE HOUSE CLEANING? I took down everything but the wallboard and started heaping everything in a huge pile on the floor in front of the door. I went through EVERYTHING! I went through the drawers in my desk. Everything but the usable and essentials went. I went through my closet and threw out tons of clothes – some of which were 20 years old. People had given me furniture and a rug that I had never used but simply stuck in my room. It was unbelievable the amount of things I threw away. Man howdy, did that feel good! I have wanted to do that for years but lacked the courage or yaruki to do it. By evening when I was finished, the room was spotless and there was nothing left that was not functional. My truck is filled with garbage that I have to get rid of tomorrow but this is the first time in years that I have been able to look around my room with satisfaction and say, “this is exactly the way I want it”. This is the first time since Rosemary left 11 years ago that I have felt like I finally got organized. I like it so much now that I am looking forward to my next trip to SEAwith a sense of mixed feelings like I am leaving something enjoyable behind.

Little can I express what your last letter, which came Wednesday, meant to me. You would not believe the lonely life I live and my total prayer letter list has been reduced to two – you and Millie Dennis. My total mail is about one letter a month. Millie is on E-mail and writes quite often, but you are almost the captain of my cheerleaders. Millie was positive in her response to the manuscripts I sent her of the Inverted Kingdom, but you have encouraged me more than any other source. I feel foolish in trying to write anything that would ever be published and am embarrassed at the poor way those little thoughts have been expressed. The only thing I can say is that the spiritual phenomenon is a fact and that can stand by itself. All they are are suggested topics for any reader to consider. NLL is going through a time of pretty stiff testing and I am concerned for the tremendous pressure on Roald. I wrote that one on darkness with him largely in mind and gave him a copy along with the first three or four chapters to give him an idea of what I am driving at. He had it for about two weeks but was too busy to look at it. Thursday I was talking with him and he said he had finally read it and thought it was worthwhile. He has to go to Bangkok for a meeting this week and asked if I had more manuscripts he could take along to read on the plane. He strongly suggested that we should get them reread and rewritten by someone who knew more about the English language than I do, and then do some serious pushing to see if we couldn’t get it put into print. Years ago I was involved in untangling a sordid mess that was made with the Joni book by Joni Erikson. Through that I met her a couple of times and went out to Grand Rapids to talk with Zondervan about her book. I have thought about writing Joni and ask if she would be willing to look at my poorly expressed thoughts and perhaps recommend this to Zondervan if she thought it was something that might be good to publish. If anything ever comes from this I will have to get you to write the forward or the cover comments. For that matter, I don’t care if we publish this in your name. I am rather reluctant to write anything and publish it in my own name. Tonight I just wrote one more on Princeton – Prison. Admittedly this is a bit of my personal testimony but I believe the truth is unassailable. I will send a copy of it to you.

I see it is getting close to 10 PM and I must close for now. Thank you for your graciousness in being my friend and the most encouraging letter. With much love and prayers;

In our worthy Lord Jesus, bill

Cleaning Out the House

19 August, 2001

Dear Phyllis,

You will have to forgive me, but I am playing around with my computer trying to learn a few new stunts. If a fellow was only smart enough it seems like there are endless amount of special things you can do with these gadgets, but I am thrilled if I can only turn the thing on and off and occasionally type a letter.

Yesterday was a banner day for me. Until recently I have been very fortunate in having access to NLL computer and printer. Until a few months ago I always used the NLL computer for checking E-mail, but I finally decided to bite the bullet and get a phone line put in my room. This got me on the Internet for the first time. This was a real advance, as I didn’t have to put everything on a floppy disk and send my mail off on the company machine. I could sit in my own room and handle everything direct. Then about a month ago the NLL computer became unavailable so one of the fellows brought the printer down to put it in my room. This brought up a new problem. Up to now I have always sat in a large chair with my feet up on my bed typing with my laptop on my lap. But with the printer on my desk I had to plug it in and out every time I wanted to print anything. Years of experience with electric tools has taught me that you will soon wear out a plug if you plug it in and out too many times. This meant I had to change my whole style of living. Of necessity, I had to design and build a computer desk where I could have my laptop and printer together so as no to wear out the plug. I thought a chaise lounge type of a chair would be the most comfortable and for weeks had in mind to try to make myself some kind of a chair like that. About a week ago I was in a home center and saw a fantastic zaiisu (legless chair) that looked almost like it had been an expensive car seat. It was richly padded, had a reclining back, and a swivel base. Best of all, I bought it for Y5,000. First I had to make a base to set this on. I made the base about three feet long and mounted in oncastors. Next I had to make another base to set the first one on to get it higher and made a fancy footrest. On one side of the footrest I fastened two sturdy legs and built a double level cantilever desk that was over the footrest. Then I made another desk that swung back and forth so I could put my computer on that and bring it right down on my lap as always to type. I know you can’t picture what this looks like, but suffice to say, it is the most incredible thing I have ever made for myself. This fabulous chair rolls back and forth on the second base so I can sit right up to the desk to type. But it swivels from side to side and reclines all the way down. I am in love with it! I call it my life center as I hope to spend a major portion of my free time sitting in this ultra-comfortable chair having devotions, reading books, and typing.

But to put it in my room required major changes. Some friends were planning on coming out here to visit NLL yesterday but cancelled out at the last moment. That gave me a free day to arrange my room. I started out by placing my life-center – which is nearly 5’ long – beside the window. To do this I had to move my bed and desk away. I decided if I was going to have house cleaning – WHY NOT HAVE HOUSE CLEANING? I took down everything but the wallboard and started heaping everything in a huge pile on the floor in front of the door. I went through EVERYTHING! I went through the drawers in my desk. Everything but the usable and essentials went. I went through my closet and threw out tons of clothes – some of which were 20 years old. People had given me furniture and a rug that I had never used but simply stuck in my room. It was unbelievable the amount of things I threw away. Man howdy, did that feel good! I have wanted to do that for years but lacked the courage or yaruki to do it. By evening when I was finished, the room was spotless and there was nothing left that was not functional. My truck is filled with garbage that I have to get rid of tomorrow but this is the first time in years that I have been able to look around my room with satisfaction and say, “this is exactly the way I want it”. This is the first time since Rosemary left 11 years ago that I have felt like I finally got organized. I like it so much now that I am looking forward to my next trip to SEAwith a sense of mixed feelings like I am leaving something enjoyable behind.

Little can I express what your last letter, which came Wednesday, meant to me. You would not believe the lonely life I live and my total prayer letter list has been reduced to two – you and Millie Dennis. My total mail is about one letter a month. Millie is on E-mail and writes quite often, but you are almost the captain of my cheerleaders. Millie was positive in her response to the manuscripts I sent her of the Inverted Kingdom, but you have encouraged me more than any other source. I feel foolish in trying to write anything that would ever be published and am embarrassed at the poor way those little thoughts have been expressed. The only thing I can say is that the spiritual phenomenon is a fact and that can stand by itself. All they are are suggested topics for any reader to consider. NLL is going through a time of pretty stiff testing and I am concerned for the tremendous pressure on Roald. I wrote that one on darkness with him largely in mind and gave him a copy along with the first three or four chapters to give him an idea of what I am driving at. He had it for about two weeks but was too busy to look at it. Thursday I was talking with him and he said he had finally read it and thought it was worthwhile. He has to go to Bangkok for a meeting this week and asked if I had more manuscripts he could take along to read on the plane. He strongly suggested that we should get them reread and rewritten by someone who knew more about the English language than I do, and then do some serious pushing to see if we couldn’t get it put into print. Years ago I was involved in untangling a sordid mess that was made with the Joni book by Joni Erikson. Through that I met her a couple of times and went out to Grand Rapids to talk with Zondervan about her book. I have thought about writing Joni and ask if she would be willing to look at my poorly expressed thoughts and perhaps recommend this to Zondervan if she thought it was something that might be good to publish. If anything ever comes from this I will have to get you to write the forward or the cover comments. For that matter, I don’t care if we publish this in your name. I am rather reluctant to write anything and publish it in my own name. Tonight I just wrote one more on Princeton – Prison. Admittedly this is a bit of my personal testimony but I believe the truth is unassailable. I will send a copy of it to you.

I see it is getting close to 10 PM and I must close for now. Thank you for your graciousness in being my friend and the most encouraging letter. With much love and prayers;

In our worthy Lord Jesus, bill

Nobuko and her Grandmother

12 Aug, 2001

Dear Phyllis,

Here we are again. Yesterday was the 50^th Anniversary of Matsubarako Bible Camp. About a month ago, when Millie Dennis and her children were here, I took them over there just for something to do. That was the first time in 30 years that I had been there. A Japanese pastor came over to introduce himself as the director and we really hit it off big time. When he learned that I had made the beams for the chapel and had been in and out of Matsubarako for the years that I had been in Karuizawa he extended a very earnest invitation to attend the anniversary celebration. How my heart was fill with mixed emotion. This younger brother, Tsujiura sensei, had no way of knowing the years of turmoil I had been through and I was pointless to try to explain such an unpleasant testimony. I hoped that would be all, but Wednesday morning he called here to confirm whether or not I would attend. Mattaku komatta! Matsubarako Bible Camp is the child of John Schone. He and Phyllis Chamberlain had been the driving force for years. Of course they have been off the field for nearly 15 years, but John and Lucia and Phyllis were coming back for the celebration. We had lived and worked together more of less harmoniously in Karuizawa for over 15 years but the close of my time there had been marred by some very unfortunate conflict. It had been a particular bitter experience for all of us and I didn’t relish the thought of seeing them again. Poor Tsujiura sensei must have been confused but I had to tell him that I was planning on not attending (ikanai tsumori). When I hung up I wondered why the Lord keeps digging up the old bones of past unresolved wounds.

Roald is a very busy man but I took the liberty to ask if he had time to be a personal counselor. Only a real big man would take the time out to listen to my confusing story. He, naturally, suggested, “Itte ii jainai ka?” (Wouldn’t it be good to go?). Then he accurately reminded me that it might be a good idea to apologize to John and Phyllis. That rang a bell in my heart and made sense. I decided that the Lord would have me to go up to apologize.

Every Thursday night, the brother who is in charge of the plant here and I have a little prayer meeting, and that night I shared with Nishizawa san my nayami about attending the Matsubarako celebration. He was totally baffled how I could hold hard feelings for over 20 years. Strangely, after a reasonably good time of prayer I decided it would be in the best interest of the 50^th anniversary if I blessed them with my absence, but wrote a letters to John and Phyllis. I really hadn’t been that involved with Matsubarako and felt it would be unfair to John and Phyllis if I showed up on this auspicious occasion to share in the glory of it’s accomplishment. I sent my letters up by another brother who works here and sent a copy to Tsujiura sensei to explain to him my strange behavior. Roald and Nishizawa were bewildered by my guidance, but – in retrospect – I really feel that I had done the right thing. Heaven will be wonderful when we get all these ugly old wounds cleared up and have real fellowship in Christ, but our walk on this dusty planet is occasionally disrupted by the blemishes of our old nature.

Last month, when I got back from SEA, I was riding the train in from Narita and got to talking to an ojii san next to me who had a terrific background with Christian friends but wasn’t saved. I had one of the best times in years witnessing to him. There was a gal that looked like a kokosei (high school girl) sitting on the other side of him and I was talking loud enough so she could take it all in also. Just before we came to her eki she piped up in English that she too was a Christian. As she was getting off I hollered at her, “Please send me an E-mail. My address is billcook@gol.com. To my amazement several days later I did get a letter from her that has led to an amazing contact. Yesterday she had invited me over to her home in east Tokyo to meet her mom and grandmother. She said they were Christians but I wasn’t prepared for the unusual testimony her grandmother came up with.

About 13 years ago her grandmother had a great desire to find God and wound up going to the Jehovah Witnesses. After several months she decided that that didn’t sound right and went to a Niki church (liberal). She got sprinkled and heard a little more of the Gospel. After explaining that to me she asked if I had ever heard of a village near Karuizawa called, Miyota. Then she fumbled around to say that there was a German missionary, Gotthold Beck, that had a large Christian center up there. She was startled when I told her that I had been very close with Gotthold for 40 years and used to practically live in Kichijoji when Gotthold was just starting out. Then I told her that I had been one of the two American carpenters that built the guesthouse where she had stayed. Man howdy, did that light a fire! It was fun to talk to the little girl I met on the train and I enjoyed her mother, but grandma and I really had a furious time of fellowship. She is a classic illustration of the work of the Holy Spirit as she told of her journey in search of God and the intense joy she has in the Lord now going to the Kichijoji meetings in Ichikawa. The little girl, Nobuko, had come into a living relationship three years ago when she was in the States (I was stunned when she told me she was 31), and had gotten in with the Bible Baptists. She and her mother were going to a Church of Christ church in Ochanomizu and was a little confused by her grandmother’s religion. I told Nobuko that my home church in the States was Baptist and I knew all those missionaries. I also told her that I had worked with a large number of Church of Christ missionaries over the years. I was at their house for seven hours but the time seemed like ten minutes. What a tiny tiny world we live in! Somehow I feel that the Lord has given me an important unusual contact with this family.

I trust things are going well for you. The closer we get to the City the more transient time seems. It will only be just a brief moment and it will all be over and then we will wonder what all the fuss was about and why we shed so many tears on our way. In retrospect, we will see what amazing things the Lord was doing for us when we thought things were the worst. How we will be ashamed at our unworthy thoughts and groanings! Truly our God has chosen the finest path for us for our good and His glory.

My love and prayers are with you daily.

                                                                                             In our faithful Lord Jesus, bill

Kichijoji Movement

5 Aug, 2001

Dear Phyllis,

It is Sunday and I am trying to get back to my old habit of writing you. Yesterday was a very natsukashii day for me. There is a lovely young couple (they are on their 30s) who want to get married, but his pastor is hantai. He is bound by the Japanese mentality that to disobey his pastor is to disobey God. I had a very good talk with him the other night and then I called my old friend Takako Yamamoto to see if I could bring them up to Karuizawa to see her. Did you ever meet or do you remember Yamamoto sensei the dentist in Tokyo that did so many missionaries teeth? Twenty years ago she was about number one in Japan as a very popular speaker for ladies luncheons and wrote regular articles for Gospel to the Millions and Billy Graham’s Decision magazine in Japan. I built a house for her in Karuizawa 25 years ago that was one of the best investments of my life. Through that we became very close friends and more people were saved in that house than in all the churches in Karuizawa. I hadn’t seen Takako in five years and it had been nearly eight years since I had visited her home in Karuizawa. When we got together we were like two rods in a nuclear reactor. The fellowship was intense! We talked like furry for four hours but barely got started on all the things we would have liked to discuss. She is intensely tied in with Gotthold Beck’s Kichijoji work now and is one of the most liberated Japanese in the country. I’m sure she was a great help to the couple as we enjoyed something I’m sure they have never seen in their life.

That Kichijoji work is probably the deepest moving of the Spirit Japan has seen since the end of the war. Gotthold started as a simple Brethren missionary in Kichijoji (on the Chuo sen going out towards Mitaka, Kokubunji, Tachikawa) about 35 years ago. For twenty years they were like a black hole in space pulling in everything from Ibaragi to Yokohama, but then about 15 years ago they became like a nova (exploding star) and they have gone more than zenkoku. There are several thousand Kichijoji believers and probably hundreds of meetings going on nation wide from northern Hokkaido to Okinawa. I was bikkuri chatta yesterday when Takako told me that they even have a group in Bangkok with over 100. Ten years ago they built a huge center on the slope of Asama just west of Karuaizawa where they have over 1,200 that gather occasionally in one service. I don’t know of another denomination in the country that even comes close to what they are producing. Basically I believe Beck is as close the scriptural pattern of doing things as anyone in the country, but you can’t trace his success to his yarikata (way of doing it). There are several others doing the same thing with nothing of the phenomenal success Beck is having. I don’t know of another group in Japan where the believers are more self-initiative in sharing Christ and their dedication in following Christ. Several of my closest friends are active in the Kichijoji movement and to talk with those folks is like a preview of heaven.

Do your remember the Hoshino hotel in Naka Karuizawa? I have known David Hoshino since he returned from Cornell University in 1962. The family are nominal Christians and I have had some strong mixed feeling towards them for years. Against all my convictions I took David’s aunt, Toshiko into the language as a teacher in 1969 and she turned out to be one of the brightest stars of my years in Karuizawa. We started having meetings in their home and her husband was wonderfully saved. Then I had a blank of nearly 25 years where I had very little contact with the family. I heard that Toshiko was with the Lord about a year ago, but I didn’t know what had happened to her husband, Saburo. The other day a friend of mine was talking to David on the street in Karuizawa and mentioned my name to him. David gave him a meshi and pleaded that he would have me call him as soon as possible. I had some things about David that I didn’t care for and I really didn’t want to call but out of obligation picked up the phone the other day. What an amazing surprise. David talked to me like a long lost buddy and pleaded that I come to see him the next time I was in Karuizawa. He said Saburo is in a nursing home in Annaka and wanted to take me down there to see him. David is my age and I am sure life has taught him some sobering lessons. They are one of the richest most powerful families in Karuizawa and I would imagine they have easy access to the emperor. I have seen several picture of him over there at the Hoshino pool many years ago. The genuineness and earnestness that he expressed when I called him the other night was something that I have never seen in him before. That would be a real treasure if David Hoshino really gave everything to Christ. As a hotel man I always sensed an air of artificiality about him, but that seems to be gone now. I am going to have to schedule another trip up there real soon.

I have mentioned a writer a couple times in recent letters, Rick Joyner. If you can find his books, The Final Conquest and The Call in a Christian bookstore, you might be interested in reading them. Joyner is quite controversial and not everyone would recommend him. I am sure he is Charismatic and even some Pentecostal back off from him, but I believe he is slam on the money. I have read the first one six times and the second one three. These books are highly unusual, but, personally, I have been tremendously helped by them and I believe he is perfectly scriptural. If you get too enthused with what he has to share with us, you would probably raise a few eye brows and turn the alarm system on with some brethren; but I believe the day has come when we are going to have to move on with God and those who don’t want to change are going to be left behind. There are some things I have to put up with in Chiang Mai that are not my personal taste, but I have seen the Lord in places where I didn’t expect to find Him. There is no question but what we have come to a new day and the movement of the Spirit today is in a way that we have never seen before. It is my great privilege to see this in three different cultures; the Western, the Japanese, and Christians in communist countries. Each situation is much different, but Christ is Christ regardless of what suit of clothes He wears. Surely these are the days that the prophets have told us would come, and it is obvious that the Lord’s schedule is accelerating at a tremendous pace.

I’ll close this here for now with my love and prayers for you and for anyone there who loves our Lord Jesus in truth. bill

Feasts of the Tabernacle

30 Apr, 2001

Dear Phyllis,

You are a treasure! It is Monday morning and a Japanese holiday. NLL is shut down today but I have so much work that I must put in a full day. Yesterday I didn’t get to writing my usual Sunday letter so today before I pick up my hammer I first want to hammer on this laptop to get a letter off to you. I know it is pointless as you will be in Texas when this letter arrives and it will be a month before you can read it, but I do want to send my weekly greetings just to have them on file.

As I was praying for you this morning I was blessed thinking of how much the Lord has done for Ted and where you are today. I know it is lonely – but that is part of life. In recent years I have boarded quite a few airplanes and seen a few people off at the airport. Check-in is always very nigiyaka (busy, active). Everybody is milling around and all the well- wishers are standing there. But when you go through passport control there is a sign that says “Passengers Only”. From there on you have to proceed alone. That is where you are. Ted was there a few months ago, but look where he is today! Praise God it won’t be long before we hear the boarding announcement and shortly we will be at the other side and see him again.

Yesterday I had an unusual day preaching. That verb is almost a perversion because it connotes speaking to a crowd of people. My congregation was two elderly women and two drowsy men. I was amazed that anyone could sleep through that thunderstorm as the Word so filled me I felt like I was exploding. I was shouting, beating on the pulpit, jumping up and down, and called on everyone in the room by name at least once every three or four minutes. But even so, with my best effort I was just able to keep my audience from passing out and falling out of their chair. I have been going through John talking about the signs and miracles John has selected to show to us who Jesus is. Chapter 7 and 8 are not miracles but I decided to talk about the Feast of the Tabernacles in chapter 7 anyway. I have been saved 44 years and am utterly amazed at what I never saw before. Ex. 23:14-17 tells us that there were three major feast a year where all Jewish males were to appear before the Lord, and Lev. 23 gives us the details of these feast. These feasts are called by different names in various places, which is a little confusing, but we can clearly identify what they are.

The first one is the Passover – which the Lord said would be the beginning of the Jewish year. That was the start of everything and that was in the First month the fifteenth day. We know that this is what we pervertedly now call Easter. Our Lord Jesus was the true Lamb of God that was offered on the Passover Day in fulfillment of this OT matsuri (feast). The second one is not so clear but Ex. 23:15 calls it the Feast of the Harvest – the first fruits. It came exactly 50 days after the Passover. We know from Acts what this is – this is Pentecost. It is when the Holy Spirit came. That starts the harvest and the first 3,000 (Acts 2) were the first fruits of the coming harvest. The third feast was what is called in some places (Lev. 23:34 and John 7:2) the Feast of the Tabernacles. The Jews were supposed to make booths of palm branches and live in these booths for a week. This came in the Seventh month, the fifteenth day. There is no question about the 7^th month. Seven is the kanzen (complete) number. It is when the harvest is complete. Obviously we have a clear Trinitarian message here. There is no question that the Passover is the Lamb of God – our Lord Jesus; the Day of Pentecost is the Holy Spirit; and the Feast of the Tabernacles is for God the Father, when it will be fulfilled at the end of the harvest, and Rev. 21:3 says “Behold the Tabernacle of God is with men.” What a statement!

It was at this feast that our Lord entered His temple and ran into stiff resistance from the Jews. The discussion in chapter 7 and 8 of John is as combative as any in the gospels. The Jews were trying to kill Him; they sent out officers to arrest Him; He was accused of being demonized and born of fornication. It was in this atmosphere that Jesus went up to the temple to keep the Feast of the Tabernacles. He was in the world and the world was made by Him, but the world knew Him not. He came to His own but His own received Him not.  … But to as many as received Him… Man howdy, that includes us! Twice during that feast in His frustration Jesus cried with a loud voice (He shouted) “You know who I am!” (vrs. 28); and then on the last day He cried, “If any man thirst, let him come to Me and drink.” (vrs. 37). Chapter 7 ends with the most ironic statement, “And every man went to his own house.” (vrs. 53). The Lord came to His own house on the Feast of the Tabernacles, and what a reception!

The greatest irony is what happened after that. For 2,000 years the Lord has come by His Spirit to dwell in His own house, the Church. To see what a reception He has experienced we have only to read the story of the Seven Churches in Rev. 2 & 3. It starts off with the love of the believers cooling off in Ephesus, the infiltration of idolatry and immorality in Pergamos, and winds up with Jesus standing outside knocking on the door in Laodicea. But in the midst of this melancholic scene we hear the most gracious invitation, “If any man hear My Voice and will open the door, I will come in to him and sup (fellowship) with him… and (finally) he with Me.” (vrs. 20). Oh, my goodness, Phyllis, can you imagine that! Jesus is willing to live in us and fellowship with us. And He has promised someday we can eat with Him. Perhaps you can understand why I nearly flew out of the pulpit yesterday morning. But I am bewildered why my listeners nearly fell out of their chairs asleep.  

Gomen nasai. I hope this doesn’t bore you too. I trust you had a super time in Texas and I am anxious to hear all about. But I want to hear that from your own mouth as we sit and talk with Ted.

I will be heading back to SEA to take a team into Laos in a couple of weeks but I will try to keep up my weekly correspondence as long as I can. Thank you for listening to me and for being my friend.

                                                        Bonded with our Elder Brother, our Lord Jesus, bill

Grieving

22 Apr, 2001

Dear Phyllis,

Your most welcomed letter came just two hours after I posted last weeks letter to you. I was so excited when I read it that I nearly sat down to write you an immediate reply, but I have waited until my usual Sunday date with you. There were many things you mentioned in your letter but the one that struck me the most is that you said the Lord had spoken to you about two things. First He said not to grieve over Ted any longer, and secondly not to feel lonely in your house any longer. That sounds very much like the Lord to me. The amazing thing about the Lord’s Voice when He speaks to us, is that it carries unusual power to perform His commands. I could feel the power here just to have you share with me what He said.

I remember one very sad night. Rosemary was in the throes of leaving me and we had just been in a very turbulent “Elders meeting” at TEAM Center in Tokyo. It had been a shout-down between Rosemary and the brethren all afternoon, but towards evening she backed off and “repented” saying that she would stick with the marriage. I laid in bed sobbing. Rosemary asked, “Why are you crying?”, and I replied, “Because tonight is the night I have lost you.” Rosemary herself, didn’t understand it, but I knew it was over and – tragically – subsequent events proved I was correct. It was like someone had died, but then the Lord rebuked me for my tears and told me to quit. That was it and shortly I was asleep.  

 I am glad the Lord told you to stop grieving. I wouldn’t have thought of that, but I agree that it is wrong to grieve anymore. The Lord is very patient and understanding with us. He knows our hearts and allows us to be very human, but then when enough is enough He steps in and tells us it is time to dry our tears. Of course there is sorrow. Of course there is loneliness, but there is the other side of the rainbow. It takes both the rain and the sun to produce a rainbow and there is a bright side even in the worst of our sorrows. Remember there is a rainbow around the Throne (Rev. 4:3). It is wonderful how God takes our sorrows and turns them into something beautiful. Even Rachel’s son was called Benoni (son of my sorrows) when he was born, but his father called him Benjamin (son of my right hand) [Gen. 35:18]. Someday we will look back at our sorrows and see the rainbow as the grace of God shines upon our tears. I am not old enough, nor experienced enough, to comment on the presence of the Lord filling your house. If indeed the Lord does this for you, I am sure there is no piece of furniture that is so precious that it is a loss to remove if it can be replaced by Christ’s presence. It is only when we stubbornly hold onto our choice treasures that the Lord has a hard time moving in. Usually, before He can move in something must first be moved out. When the Lord took our little son TJ, I never felt like He had taken him away from us, but only that the Lord had moved TJ to a higher shelf. There was grief, but it was brief, and after that real peace that the Lord had done the right thing.

I have been so busy entertaining guests here that I have hardly had time to do any work. Mark and his family were here two weeks ago, then I had a call from my very good friend in Ikoma, Hirota san, saying he was coming for a visit. He had just barely gotten on the train when another brother, who lives in Hanoi, Vietnam, came for two days. Dave Waters is from New Zealand and has lived in Hanoi for five years. He is one of the key contacts there. When I first went to Vietnam two years ago I was told, “When you get to Hanoi, contact Dave Waters.” Since then I have seen him several times in Hanoi as he is one of the main contacts to receive a lot of the Bibles we have brought into the country. Dave was awestruck when he saw this operation and very taken when he saw so of the things that are printed here. We have two tracts on evolution that caught his attention that he wants for Vietnam. Going through our file we discovered that the first one had already been printed in Vietnamese but was out of print. He made arrangement to have another 50,000 printed that he wants to use there. The second was a large Japanese New Life tract done here that has never been in any other language but Japanese. I had the girl in charge of that tract call the Japanese pastor who had written it, and had Dave speak to him on the phone. He is going to send Dave an English transcript of that tract and Dave will put it into Vietnamese. Then they will redo the layout here to print up several thousand. The design department did a super job on that layout and Dave especially wanted it just as the Japanese copy looked. They have a problem with the Japanese script running up and down and Vietnamese is written horizontal, but the fellows here said they could straighten it out. Dave also asked if we could do a run of 20,000 to 30,000 Vietnamese Bibles of a new translation. If they get all this done we will be very busy trying to get all this stuff to him inside the country. He said he doubted very seriously that I would be able to get in Vietnam for a while after our arrest in Monte in January. He advised me to stay low for a while and then try to get a visa later. He recommend that I concentrate more on Laos and Burma and let Vietnam settle down.

We aren’t seeing anything in Vietnam of the magnitude of what is going on in China, but the Lord is doing a very significant work among the minority people. The minority groups only constitute about 13% of the total population of Vietnam, but there are far more tribe people saved than there are Vietnamese. Among these simple hill tribes there have been so many amazing miracles. I have heard of several cases of the dead being raised and some outstanding healings are not uncommon. While Dave was here, he spoke at our morning devotions one day and told a couple of interesting testimonies.

In one village there was a sorcerer who was famous for his power in healings. But he was unable to heal his own wife. In time she was in contact with some Christians who prayed for her and she got better. Through this she was saved and somehow got a Bible. However, she was unable to read and the only one in the village who could read was her husband. She prevailed upon him to read the Bible to her and, as a result, he got saved. After they started serving the Lord together a young couple were converted and wanted a Christian wedding. No one had ever seen a Christian wedding and they didn’t have the faintest idea what you were supposed to do. But people came from far and near for this Christian. The former sorcerer preached the Gospel to the crowd like a regular dendo kai then turned to the young couple and said, “OK you’re married now!”, and 100 souls came to Christ through that wedding. Maybe we could do with a little less ceremony if it would produce a little more power.

You said you would be going to Texas on the 2^nd of May and back on June 1^st.  I will continue to write even if you are not there. I have to leave here around the 18^th of May to get down to Chiang Mai to take a team into north central Laos. I don’t know how long I will be in SEA this time or what I will do if I can’t get into Vietnam. We might make several trips into Laos and I might see if I can get into that dangerous area to try to contact the American MIA in there. One problem is that it will be rainy season and that area is impassable during that time of year. If they aren’t too far off the road I might be able to get in on horseback but flooding rivers are a serious problem. The monsoon season isn’t really that bad. It is nothing like the Japanese tsuyu. Tsuyu here is just endless days of drippy weather, but there they usually have fairly nice days, except there are usually several showers every day. It rains and then the sun comes out. But the roads are really muddy.

I have a suggestion that might sound intimidating, but please pray about it. Have you ever gotten into computers? I was terrified by them and thought I would never break into the awesome cyber world. The Lord had to use the most extreme measure to drag me into computers, but once I got in, this has changed my life. Having my laptop now is just like living with someone to talk to. I never typed a thing until I got my first word-pro. That got me typing, but then the word-pro quit and I had to break into computers. Now I can only do about 5% of what this thing is capable of, but it is more than adequate to enable me to communicate. E-mail is the mode of the future (present). Most of the letters I write now are sent E-mail and I am increasingly amazed how simple it is. Most of the names are on file and all I have to do is type the first couple letters, and the computer automatically fills in the address. I type out the message and hit “Send” and the thing is on its way. It would really open the world up to you considerably if you could break into E-mail. It is really easier than calling on a phone. It is considerably cheaper than calling and you don’t have to worry about whether or not they are in bed or out. Just jot off a note anytime of day and as soon as the other person sees it they can answer at their leisure. Also the spelling and grammar check is absolutely invaluable. I am so dum that I kant spel nife, but the word check straightens all that out for me. I marvel that I ever had the courage to write anyone a letter before, and they must have scratched their heads hard trying to figure out what I had wirtten. Anyway this thing has changed my life and I believe you would find it a major event in your life if you ever got in.

This will probably be my last letter before you leave for Texas, but I trust you will have a marvelous time down there. Challenge your sisters to all go on line and get into E-mail. You will be surprised what it kan do for yu.

Thank you again for your most welcomed letter and every remembrance you make of me before the Throne. We may not be able to see Him yet but we can speak daily to the same One that Ted is looking at. What a privilege!

 

                                                                      In the grace of the God of all comfort,

                                                                                                 Even our Lord Jesus, bill

Three Souls and Revelation

15 Apr, 2001

Dear Phyllis,

Hallelujah!!! Today is Resurrection Sunday! Today we celebrate Our Lord’s victory over death. Our little fellowship here has been considerably less than a blessing for a long time and usually it is more ganman than a blessing to preach here, but this morning the Lord met with us in a marvelous way. During the week, as I was considering what to preach on, one of my favorite verses came to mind – “and Peter” (Mk. 16:7). That has got to be one of the most powerful two words in the Bible. What a volume of emotion it expresses! I think that is one of the most gracious words in the Scriptures. What a volume of relief that spoke to a man who was locked into a dungeon of despair! But then as I began to think about all that happened that day, my mind ultimately came to the experience of three representative souls that the Lord revealed Himself to the first resurrection Sunday.

Obviously, the first one was Mary. The significant feature, why she was so honored to be the first one the Lord met with, was her passion. Her theology was somewhat lacking and she did some “foolish” things, but her passion for the Lord was marvelously rewarded in being the first one to speak with the Risen Lord. This is – of course – our greatest deficiency. We wonder why we enjoy so little of the Lord’s presence and blessing in our lives, and I believe we don’t have to search much further than our frosty hearts. If we had more of a passion for the Lord, perhaps we would see more of the Lord ourselves.

The second representative was Peter. He was brim full of confidence but didn’t know his own heart. When he said he was ready to die for the Lord he meant it and proved it when he pulled out the sword and dove into that crowd of soldiers. He fully expected to be cut down in the fray but he was determined to go down fighting. Then the Lord told him to put up his sword and he stood there embarrassed at his own foolishness and the Lord’s strange passivity. Three hours later he uncorked in front of that little girl and swore “I don’t know what you are talking about. I don’t know that guy!” Then the Lord turned and looked at him and his world disintegrated. John was standing by the Cross to the final end, but there was no mention where Peter was during that horrible day and the one following. It is a miracle that we don’t read about Peter going out to commit suicide. Then the Lord sent a special message to him via an angel and the women, “Go tell the disciples AND PETER…” That must have been a shaft of light in his darkened soul, but he still wasn’t sure until the Lord Himself met with him a few hours later (Lk 24:34).

 The third representatives were the two Emmaus disciples (Lk. 24:13-35). The thing that is significant about them is that they come the closest to representative us. The main feature there was that their eyes we holden and then opened (Lk. 24:16, 31). How often has the Lord spoken to us by that verse that says “Jesus Himself drew near and went with them…(but they knew Him not).”! I had a close friend in Ikoma that was the most child-like man I ever met. One time he determined that he would meet with the Lord every morning and do one thing each day – whatever – the Lord told him to do. He had been doing that for several weeks when the Lord said a surprising word. He said, “John, I am going to visit you today.” John was thrilled and rushed home to change his clothes to meet the Lord. He had breakfast with his family and sat down in a chair in the living room to wait for the Lord to come. After a while the fellow next door came over and had a cup of coffee. Around 10 a couple students from the Bible school stopped by to see him – but no Lord. Finally he got a little edgy and asked the Lord what time He was coming. He said, “I have other things to do today and can’t sit here all day. Lord Jesus, what time are You coming?” Then the Lord said, “John, I HAVE BEEN HERE ALL MORNING.” With that John burst into tears.

When these disciples exasperatedly poured out their heart about all the turmoil in Jerusalem over the execution of Jesus of Nazareth, it is interesting that He didn’t rebuke them for not believing the testimony of the women who told them that Jesus was alive. He said, “O fools and slow of heart to believe the SCRIPTURE!” (verse 25). Then “beginning at Moses and all the prophets, He expounded unto them in all the Scripture the things concerning Himself.” (verse 27). I wish someone had recorded that. I would love to listen to that conversation. I would love to know what verses He talked about. It was as He was expounding the Scripture to them that their hearts burned within them (verse 32). This morning I asked our few believers (four others), “Have you ever experienced this; as you read the Bible your heart burned within you?”  After very serious thought, each one replied, “Yes I have.” There was a tremendous sense that Jesus indeed met with us this morning.

Somehow the distance to heaven seems shortened. Phyllis we didn’t lose Ted this year. He is not dead. He is no more removed from us than when our children went to the states for education. It was true that there was an ocean between us, but the separation was only momentary. The great thing about Ted is that he isn’t coming back here, but we are going there to see him. And that won’t be long.

People ask me from time to time if I would like to be remarried. Obviously that is a thought that has gone through my brain a great deal, but somehow it seems a little foolish. Hopefully, I won’t be around here much longer and I would hate to marry someone and then skip out on them after a year or two. If I knew I had to put in another 20 years in this sandy wilderness, it sure would be nice to have a partner, but – hopefully – we are very near the wire and I can hold on for a few more months. Beside it would be a shame to give up the expendable status the Lord has given me. That would cut down on the ministry. The Lord has given me the privilege to do some things in Laos and Vietnam that would be highly questionable for a family man.

Last week my good friends, Mark and Astrid Seibert, from Chiang Mai were here. We had a fabulous time going down to the Kansai. We spent the first night with my friends the Hirotas in Ikoma. Miyuki is the greatest hang-in-there gal I have ever met. When they were married his father was fierce! He was a powerful shacho (company president) and adamantly opposed to the Gospel. While we were there the Hirotas shared the testimony of what happened to him. As this terrifying old man got older Miyuki led him around like a little lamb. Finally he got so weak they stuck him in a hospital and then he came down with pneumonia that looked like it might take his life. When the old man knew he was facing death he protested, “I can’t die yet – I’m not saved!” That was the first time he ever said anything like that. Then they moved him to a new hospital. One day one of the nurses asked Miyuki, “Ojii san ga, nani ka no shukyo o yatte iru no desu ka?” (Does he practice some kind of religion?) “He refuses to eat until he says table grace.” They were bikkuri at that. Then his relatives came from Taiwan with some Buddhist trash to help him die. When they showed up with these idols he sent them packing saying, “I don’t need that junk! I’m a Christian!” Miyuki and Hirota san were thrilled. And they were tremendously grateful to the Lord when their father finally made it safely across the River. You would have to know this fierce man to appreciate this testimony, but when I think of where they started from and where they wound up I can’t help but laugh.

Mark has got a large number of folks coming to Chiang Mai for Bible courier service into Vietnam and Laos in May. He is really komaru and asked me to get down there to take a group of these young people into Laos. On my last trip I was able to set up a new route into north central Laos and I am the only one that knows those contacts. That means I have to get back to Chiang Mai by May 18^th to take these folks to Siang Khouang. These folks from a Bible school have requested the hardest route Mark has and that has got to be it. Laotians don’t recommend gaijins to take the bus in that area as it is dangerous with bandits and a real bone crusher of a trip. Only the most hardy souls could make that one. If they want a challenge they should be thrilled. It is the hardest course I know in the Orient. We also have several runs scheduled into Vietnam but we don’t know whether or not Mark and I can get in. Mark got turned back at the airport in Saigon the last time. I have to get a new passport in a couple of months and will see if that helps me. If we are on a bad blacklist that would greatly restrict our ministry in Vietnam. (I did send you a copy of the last dendo trip report where we were arrested didn’t I?)

 I wonder where you are and how you are doing. You should be in Texas – I think. But even so these letters should be waiting for you when you get back. In case you are short of reading material at least this will give you something to read.

David sent me an amazing E-mail some time ago but I just worked up nerve enough to read it last week. It is the best letter he has ever sent me. He is not where I wished he was spiritually, but he seems to be much better than I had thought. He said in another ten days he hoped to close a deal that was in the eight digit bracket. If that came through he planned to retire this year. He said in another year or two he hoped to set up a fund to finance my SEA dendo by about $200,000 a year. I appreciate the offer but I assured him that dendo was financed by a different account. Lord willing, I hope I never will be in a position where he has to carry me. The Lord’s work is always financed by Temple currency and to get that you have to convert mammon for the Lord’s gold. I refuse to use unconverted currency.

                                                           My prayers and love in Jesus are with you daily, bill

Doves Eyes

3 Apr, 2001

Dear Phyllis,

It’s Tuesday night and if I don’t write now it will be another week before I have another chance to. Usually I try to write on Sunday but this past Sunday I felt so negative that I thought it would be more of a blessing to remain quiet. This morning the Lord met with me I was so fired up I wanted to write right then, but work takes precedence. It has been a reasonably good day as I have been “dry- walling” – if you know what that means. I have had to build a couple new rooms in the printing section and the traditional US approach is to hang dry-wall on the walls and ceiling. I got that hung last week and this week I am taping and putting the “mud” (putty, plaster) on. This is really specialty work and totally different from carpentry. I used to hate it, but as there is no one in this country (or very few) that can do this work – of necessity – I have had to learn this skill, and now it is a lot of fun. I can’t compete with the US dry-wallers for speed, but I have learned enough that my finish is as good as most of theirs. It is fun to do it once in a while but I really wouldn’t want to do it full time for a living.

Tomorrow night my friend Mark and his family, from Chiang Mai, are coming for a week and I will be taking them down to my old stomping ground in Nara. It should be a beautiful trip as the cherry blossoms are nearly at their peak now and Nara is nationally famous for it cherry blossoms. Also the trip down there gong though Nagano is beautiful. If it is a nice day on Thursday I may go down around Fuji which would be a once in a life time experience for them. Mark and Astrid are real heroes as they are on the front lines doing some of the most dangerous work in taking Bibles into communist countries. If some one would write a book or make a movie of their lives you could never convince some people that it wasn’t fiction. I am just a water boy, but those folks are the real front runners of God’s A Team.

Several years ago Astrid was on a run taking a load of Bibles way into to China and made the contact with the Chinese brother at an eki. When she met the contact man she noticed he only had 8 fingers and she asked what happened to missing fingers. He said once he had been caught by the police with a Bible and they warned him if they ever caught him again they would cut off a finger. He had been caught three times and they had cut off two fingers. He said that didn’t matter and he didn’t care if it cost his life. That afternoon after the gaijin team left, the police caught the Chinese brethren who had received the Bibles – and that was the last time anyone ever saw the man with 8 fingers.

Roald just got back from another trip to China and had the usual story. He said, “That was probably the best trip I have ever been on.” Each trip just keeps getting better. The stories of what is happening in China are utterly apostolic! We know nothing in the western world of magnitude of the moving of the Spirit. The reality of Christ and the life of His Body is something that is utterly foreign to us. But so is the poverty and persecution. Christian meetings are forbidden by the authorities, but they are jammed to overflowing. The rate of conversions is astronomic! And the demand and need of Bibles is staggering. That is where NLL comes in. When Roald gave a report last week I was so humbled I felt like leaving the room as I don’t feel worthy even to listen to the report and sit in the same room with the people who are printing those Bibles. It is truly an awesome privilege to know these people here, but when they march up front to receive their rewards in heaven I am afraid I will be so far in the rear I will have to watch it on a monitor.

This morning I was in my favorite Song of Solomon again. In chapter 5:9-16 we have one of the most unique descriptions of Christ found anywhere in the Scripture. I have preached on it many times but I never get anywhere near the bottom. Verse 12 is perhaps the most descriptive verse in the Bible. It says “His eyes…”. I remember preaching on this one time and the Word so filled my heart it was hard to speak. Jesus told us a truth when He said the eyes are the windows of the soul. More than any other way we can see into a person’s heart through their eyes. The eyes clearly reflect love, fear, anger, hurt, etc. Without saying a word the eyes speak louder than anything we could utter with our mouth. I remember a dear friend once had a visitation from Satan who came and sat in her kitchen and talked to her for half an hour. I asked, “What did he look like?” She said, “Handsome! A very handsome being.” And I said, “Sister you are right; you have seen the devil.” But then she said, “His eyes…” Later she found a magazine with a picture of a tiger and showed it to me. She said, “Look at those eyes. That is what he looks like.” Tiger eyes. We have two snakes in Japan that look very similar, the yamakakashi and the mamushi. One is benign and the other is deadly. A friend once asked me how you can tell the difference and I replied, “By their eyes. If you ever kill a mamushi you will know it.” Several years later he spoke to me and said, “I killed a mamushi yesterday. Now I know what you mean.” Their eyes are slam different. There is something about a mamushi that looks deadly. But there is nothing as peaceful or as harmless as the eyes of a dove. I asked the Lord this morning if I could see His eyes. Some day we will. But it would be a thrill to be able to see them now. Then I thought of all the attributes mentioned in the S. of S. the eyes are the only one that requires sight to appreciate. His head, His hair, His mouth, His legs, etc; all these things speak to me and I can appreciate them without seeing them. But it is impossible to describe the eyes of a person to some who was born blind. It is like trying to describe a rainbow to a blind man. I thought, “Well, that leaves me out. My spiritual sight is so poor there is no way I can appreciate the eyes of Christ.” But then the Lord reminded me that I do have normal vision and I have seen doves eyes. By what I have seen in doves and others I can appreciate a little bit of what Christ is like.

Then the thought filled my heart, wouldn’t it be fantastic to look like Christ?! Anyone who looked like Christ would have to have doves eyes. It is almost unbelievable, but it is a fact that we do have doves eyes. Ironically this expression is used several times in the S of S but it is usually used by Christ in describing the beauty of His bride. This is the first thing He said of her in chapter 1:15. It would be an interesting to go through your own Bible and mark each time you find this expression – and you will find it is usually Christ speaking describing His bride. Obviously this is the Holy Spirit. If indeed the Spirit of Christ actually lives in me then it would stand to reason that I must have doves eyes. If Christ has them and He lives in me then I must have them also. But tragically those eyes are so often distorted by the myriad of emotions that fill our souls. I thought, there is no fear or pain in Christ’s eyes like there is so much in ours. And all the other un-Christ like emotions that are so characteristic of us, are not seen in Him.

I am sure you have heard the story about Michael Angelo and the angel, but it is well worth repeating. The story is told where Michael Angelo once bought a grotesque rock and from it he carved a beautiful angel. When he finished his master piece someone asked him how he was able to carve such a beautiful figure out of that ill shaped rocked and he replied it was simple. “All I did was remove the extraneous rock.”

Maybe that is what Jesus is doing with us. Maybe that is the reason for loneliness and the heart ache. Jesus is in the process of removing some precious things that are part of us, but in the process, when He gets done, the only thing He will have left is that which is of Himself. He has brought upon me blow after blow, but each time He chips off some of the things that I thought were important He is reducing me to be more like Himself. I don’t believe very many people would agree that doves eyes are very descriptive of bill cook, but as He gets me over one hurdle at a time – in retrospect – I must admit that each trial was fundamentally for my good. But – of course – the ultimate cure will be when we see Him as He is; then we will be like Him (1 Jn 3:2). 

I am well aware that other verses describe the eyes of Jesus differently. Of all people, it was John himself that described the eyes of Christ as a “flame of fire” (Rev 1: 14). I see no inconsistency is this at all. It all depends on the setting and circumstance. I’m sure my eyes must have been very tender when David was small and I picked him up to comfort him or to love him. But there were times when the paddle came out and some times those same eyes must have looked like the executioner to him. There will be the time when we must stand before this Christ whose eyes are like a flame of fire and have our works tried. Only that which is genuine will abide that fire and the rest will go up in smoke. But once we go through that fire it will be heaven to spend eternity getting to know more of the reality and depth of soul of the One who truly has doves eyes.

At least that was some of the things the Lord was sharing with me this morning.

I am not so sanguine as to suppose everything is just fine there. My heart is heavy with you daily as you adjust to a new life style. It is not easy and it does take a long time to adjust – but in time the pain does ease up. I’m sure your trip to Texas will be an excellent tonic and your fellowship with your sisters should be on a new level.

Mark and his family will be here until next Tuesday and so it will probably be at least a week or so before I will be able to write again. But that is pretty much the schedule anyway.

My prayers are with you daily.

                                                                                              In our tender Lord Jesus, bill

Blurb Blossoms

26 Feb, 2001

Dear Phyllis,

Winter has come to Japan. Of course it has already been here for nearly three months but the real weight of winter doesn’t really set in until February. In Karuizawa the schools have the kanchu yasumi (middle winter vacation) as this is the coldest time of the year. They figure it is better to take a break in the worst part of the year than in the summer. On the west coast where it snows everyday, this is the time when winter really gets old. With the first snow of the year there is a freshness and a welcoming of the new season with skiing and all the winter activities, but by February, people weary of the incessant battle of continually shoveling snow and the drabness of the black and white horizon. I always find it depressing to look at the barrenness of leafless trees, and it appears all of nature has died.

But right in the face of this – at the worst time of the year the blurb blossoms come out. When no self-respecting tree would dream of putting forth a green bud and the cherry blossoms are still a month away, the plumb blossoms defy all of nature by bursting forth. There is a beautiful tree half way to the eki that I marvel at each time I go by. It is in full bloom. When I look at that I was caused to think of you and me.

Surely we are in the coldest time of life. The freshness of youth has long since past from the scene. Even the fruitfulness of maturity seems to have faded and there is little more to do but sit here and ganman the barrenness of a life that is history. I am startled in talking with most of my friends these days, that they don’t know who I am referring to when I say, “Do you know _______ san?” or “Have you read _____ book?” It is like I was born on a different planet, and what was daily conversation a few years ago are names and events that most people have never heard of today. I can’t say that I envy you living alone in an empty house. The presence of Ted filled that house for so many years and the emptiness of it today must be a heavy weight to bear. Truly winter has come to our lives.

But maybe this is the time for the plumb blossoms. If nothing else their very presence is a herald that soon they will be followed by the cherry trees and shortly after that all nature will begin to sing again. I got a letter from Millie Dennis the other day reminiscing of the old days when they were in Karuizawa with Earl Tygert. It seemed like torture to them then and they longed for release. That day finally came and then they had several years of very good fruitfulness with TEAM. They had an outstanding 18 years of it and Millie wishes she could have a rerun. But then she said, “Do you know where we will be 37 years from now? We will be in what Dick called ‘reality’. We will all be with Dick and Ted, and our many other friends.” It won’t be long. Six weeks ago when I was arrested, sleeping on the crack between two wooden beds, sitting on top of that lonely mountain on the China border, it seemed morning would never come. I wondered what it would be like to be back in my room in Hatoyama. Time seems to stand still in winter, but the sun is moving north and the courageous plumb blossoms remind us that the worst is behind. Life will be here soon.

This past week was a big one for me. Last Friday they had the dedication of the new $6,000,000 press that has just been installed. We had been preparing for that for weeks and Roald really put on a good show. There were 100 invited guests and about 15 erai kyaku sans (famous guests) that came from overseas for the event. Among the distinguished guests was Brad Jordan from Hong Kong. This is the first time Brad has been back in Japan since the momentous event when he red-lined me from serving the Lord in China for defective character. Tragically I never recovered from that setback and have been totally defeated with a spirit of bitterness against Brad. They had a big celebration party the night before the dedication for about 30 gaijins and I was supposed to attend. That was about as realistic as asking a fish to climb a tree.

The night of the party I wrote Millie a letter saying, “Tonight I am the Elder Brother. All my brothers are having a party at our Father’s house and I am out in the cold in Karuizawa.” I was reminded of a time after Rosemary left, Jay and I were living in an unheated shack with no toilet and no anything else. I was really feeling sorry for myself when suddenly the Holy Spirit spoke to me, “Son, thou art ever with me and all that I have is thine.” I immediately recalled the setting of who said that and to whom it was spoken (Lk. 15:31), and I thought, “That poor turkey was in worse shape than I am.” But just like it was on that night that Jesus told us about, the Father came out to speak to me. Before going to bed I decided to reread the story and opened to Luke. But before I could get to chapter 15 I got stuck in chapter 11. I read the story about the fellow who had a kyaku san show up one night at midnight and there wasn’t a thing in the refrigerator. He had to go out to Seven Eleven to get three loaves of bread. Several years ago the Lord had spoken to me from that passage but I couldn’t recall what the three loaves of bread were. As I asked the Lord what they were, suddenly it all came back. They were FORGIVENESS, LOVE, and TRUST (to believe in them). In any human relation the first thing we owe everybody is forgiveness. It is impossible to have any sort of a relationship with someone without getting our feathers ruffled from time to time. Regardless of who we are dealing with it is safe to say that the first thing we owe them is forgiveness. I knew that I owed Brad forgiveness, but try as I might – my poor heart was like Mother Hubbard’s cupboard. I simply couldn’t come up with it. Dozens of times with clenched teeth I said, “I forgive Brad Jordan.” But then – that isn’t exactly the love of Christ. I not only had to forgive Brad, but to show the love of Christ to him. It was one thing to admit my own barrenness, but I also had to admit that there is a Seven Eleven where I could go to get the bread to give Brad. I had planned on staying in Karuizawa until I was certain that he had left the country, but the Lord told me that I had to go back and personally give the bread to him. I couldn’t stay in bed and send someone else downstairs to give him the bread. And the bread wasn’t for me to eat. I had to get this bread from the Lord and give it to Brad. Friday morning it was clear that I had to go back to Hatoyama.

But as I was facing these issues the Lord began to move in my heart about three or four centimeters. For the first time in three years I could consider talking to Brad in a civil manner. Then another minor – or major – miracle happened; I suddenly thought, “Wouldn’t it be great to get a letter from Rosemary!” That is the first time I ever considered the possibility of corresponding with her. I doubt that it will ever happen, but for a few minutes I basked in the dream of Rosemary coming back and gluing the family back together again. I don’t want to be a prophet of unbelief. God can do anything. I don’t want to be one who is a champion of unbelief, but – realistically – there isn’t much on the board to indicate that this is what He has in mind. But it sure was a nice dream. Now please don’t you get involved. If anything ever happened it would have to be a clear act of God and that is something that He has not done for 31 years. I am not asking for your assistance. On the contrary I would request that you refrain from pushing her in anyway. I am just sharing with you what the Lord was doing in dealing with me in my terrible attitude towards a fine brother in the Lord, and the momentary thaw in my heart against Rosemary.

The deal with Brad came out kind of chuto hanpa (half and half). I told the Lord that I would go back in obedience to Him, but He was going to have to set it up so I could talk with Brad. I got back to Hatoyama at 3 o’clock just as they were finishing up the dedication festivities. Roald was busy showing erai visitors around and I was standing down by the loading dock talking to some of the staff fellows. Brad came along with several other important dignitaries and saw me standing there. He must have been as excited to see me as I was him but he did come over to shake hands. He simply solemnly said, “Hello, Bill. God bless you.” That was no place to say anything major in front of those important men, so I quietly responded, “Thank you.” and he went on. The thing is still unsettled and I feel it is important to someday get it settled. Roald has red-lined the last two letters I have written him, but I want to try again and see if somehow the Holy Spirit can break down this Berlin Wall that has been in my heart for three years.

Do you remember Cliff Rimmer? He was with NLL from the late 50s on. I asked him if he knew anything about your Bible-vision that you drew for Marvin. He said, “Yes all that stuff is in Sir Lanka and they are still publishing it in 15 or 20 different languages.” I told him the incident you shared with me how you saw a pitcher of a little refugee boy in Bosnia and he had your drawing in his hand. Cliff said, “Yes, that has gone all over the world and still is.” Cliff gave me the E-mail address; it is NLL@SirLanka.org – or something like that, I think – but I may be mistaken. If you want to get in touch with them I could easily get the correct address from Roald.

Did I tell you Iris Fieldhouse went to be with the Lord seven years ago and Marvin is very happily remarried? He wrote me a letter with a very extended testimony that was very good.

I’m not sure my stock is worth much in heaven, but I will close this letter for now with the assurance that your name is frequently heard in heaven from my lips. Thank you for the privilege of your friendship;

                                                                                             In our faithful Lord Jesus,  bill