19 June 2016
Dear Phyllis,
I have died but I am still stuck on this side of the River. The most accurate self-description I can give you is that I am a dead man living in a copse a body temperature. Physically I am fine. Every medical test shows that I am in excellent health. But my fuel tank of energy is bone dry.
My greatest athletic achievement is to walk 5 meters to and from the bathroom. Long distance, I can walk 50 feet, but to go beyond that is like asking me to do rock climbing.
This started five weeks ago when I began to get tired. For the past three weeks there has been little change. I have flat hit the bottom and can't get any lower. I have accepted this as the new normal. I have been down stairs four times in the past three weeks but each time has been expensive. I can get down stairs and sit on a stool at the island in the kitchen. Twice I have taken a shower. The second time I had to sit in a chair to shower and shave. The problem is getting back up stairs. That is an awesome challenge. Each time when I have made it to the top I collapsed on my bed and paid the price for spending more energy than what was there to use. My heart pounds for ten minutes.
I spend 80% of my time in bed and 20% sitting in my chase lounge chair on my balcony. The chair is very comfortable and requires no energy to sit in it. I have devotions every morning and can look at Internet for a while to check my email. My taste buds are active enough to enjoy good food. Pammy has been good in fixing oishi (tasty) meals. I eat very little but I am above a minimum level.
Physically life is totally zero. That means that 90% of my life is in my mind. There are four levels of my thought life. I sleep moderately well at night. I have had two or three dreams that I enjoyed very much. One was that Jesus showed me the place He had prepared for me in heaven. I was very surprised. It was a beautiful small ranch in Colorado. I had a lovely log cabin and three horses. Oh my goodness I enjoyed that dream.
Another dream was that I went back to the states and stayed with some friends on a ranch. It was a long gradual process but in that environment and with some excellent cooking I recovered my strength and went on to live an active life for another five or ten years. I like to believe that dream is real.
The next level of thought are day-dreams or fantasizing. I can somewhat control that to make things turn out the way I want. Of course I think a lot about my home in heaven – the ranch – which I enjoy very much. But I have fantasized two massive moving of the Spirit where most of west China and Laos were saved. Oh that is fun to see Jesus reign there.
The third level are just normal everyday thoughts about what is going on around me. And the fourth level is just the clutter of everyday non-sense.
Pammy talked to a visa service last week and it appears that it is impossible for me to get a long term visa without going out of the country. That means my leaving Thailand to return to the states is the only option. My current visa is good until 2 July. I can get that extended but the fact remains that I cannot remain in Thailand long term.
I would like to leave Thailand as soon as possible but I cannot travel alone. I have strength enough to ride on an airplane but going through immigration at each end would be virtually impossible unassisted.
Plane A is, I would like to have Pammy take me home. She wants to go to America very badly, but getting her a visa would take very long time.
Plane B is to have someone come from the states to get me and take me back. But no one is on the horizon for that.
Plan C, at last resort, Paul says he will take me back. That is the only visible option at the moment but that is the one that I want last.
Obviously I have energy enough to write this letter but in all probability this will be my last letter until such time as Jesus puts me back on my feet and allows me to serve Him some more.
Thank you for your love and prayers. I love you dearly. God bless you and use you in a major way for the extension of our Lord's marvelous Kingdom. Until next time, sayonara,
bill
