Pity Party

26 October 2014

Dear Phyllis,

This past week has not been a particularly good one. Having a pity-party is not a good way to bring glory and honor to Christ. I hope this letter is not a pity-party but I don't know how to be honest without sharing the struggles that I have had to deal with.

It has been especially financially tight for a long time, but Tuesday night I got a horrific blast. We had zero money for several days and Pammy came hone with some needed groceries. When I asked where she go the money for that food, she quietly replied, “I sold my Samson Galaxy I pad”. At that instant I felt like someone had taken a knife to slash my chest open and pull my heart out. The devil rushed forward to scream some vile accusations against Christ. I couldn't refute the accusations that were screaming in my ears and told the Lord that this one was too tough for me. I couldn't deal with it. He would have to keep those thoughts out of my mind and not let me give voice to them. Praise God He did.

The thing that stung me so hard was, that Pammy's I pad was the most precious possession she had. They are very expensive, but she had been able to buy hers for half price, and she could not do that again. I thought she used it exceptional well. She would have it on all day listening to excellent Christian music or Bible preaching. She used it for goggles to look up things; as a telephone, and extensively as a camera. I was heart-sick when she told me it was gone. But on the plus side, I thought it was highly commendable that she was willing to part with that to buy food for us. Fortunately, I found out later that the situation wasn't as serious as initially presented. Rather than selling it, she had taken it to a pawn shop, which meant it could be redeemed.

Paul has been challenging me to pray more. Simply as something to do, I purposed to pray on my knees for an hour every afternoon. I stayed on my knees for the allotted time, but it would be a prevarication of truth to call it prayer. Initially it started out as prayer, but soon my mind would drift to other things, and then it was just plain day-dreaming. I was praying beside my bed. As fatigue set in I put my head down on the bed like riding a Chinese train, trying to sleep with my head on a table. When the hour was up I got up.

Last Wednesday was a particularly challenging time of prayer. I was wrestling with the I pad incident the night before. I thought of the weeks and weeks of unanswered prayer, and engaged in a great deal of introspection. When I got off my knees I felt strongly that God had given me a pink slip. I was finished. I know it doesn't work that way, but, in all honestly, it is nearly impossible to put any other construction on it. For the past three months I have done nothing. And God has given us nothing through typical missionary support from Japan or America. It is unreasonable to expect God to pay us if I do nothing. In any company or business in the world, if a person sat idle in a chair for three months, and didn't do a cotton-picken thing, it would be insanity to expect to find a pay check in his box. How can I ask the Lord to meet our needs if I am not doing as much as pushing a broom for Jesus?

In the Thai church were I have faithfully attended for the past three years, I have only spoken two or three times in the past year. And it has been many years since I had an invitation to speak in any other church in Thailand, Japan, or America. How is it possible to put any other construction on that scenario other than a pink slip? What do you do when you get a pink slip from heaven? The only honest thing would be to call it a day for missionary service, go back to America, put your feet up on the couch, and die. I have no retirement. I refuse to live off the government. It is wrong to sponge off of others that have better more responsible places to spend their money. Death is the only final solution. I pleaded with the Lord to please send an escort quickly to get me out of this mess. If Jesus doesn't do that, then I am left to myself to provide some other means of getting off this planet. But I couldn't think of any.

As I was thinking about my no-win scenario the Holy Spirit spoke a wonderful word to me. He said even if I did get a pink slip from heaven I am still a son of my heavenly Father, and Jesus is my brother. That is the answer. Even though I am no longer of any use for the Kingdom of God my Father is still responsible to provide for me. It is with tremendous comfort that I have read Luke 12:22-32 over and over again.

As I struggled with unanswered prayer day after day, I was challenged with the five times Jesus said in John 14,15,and 16 “If you ask anything...” How in the world can you explain what is an incontestable fact, that there is an enormous amount of unanswered prayer? I believe statistically it could be established that the vast majority of prayer goes unresponded to. Yes, I know the standard answers. “If I regard iniquity in my heart...” (Ps. 66:18). “Ye ask amiss” (Jm. 4:3). “If ye believe and doubt not” We see in heaven that there is a huge amount of prayer stored up in heaven that will be poured out on the earth someday (Rev. 8:3). The standard answer to the question of prayer is that there are three slots – YES, NO, WAIT.

.It has been said that it is harder for God not to answer prayer than it is to open the windows of heaven and flood us. There may be some substance to that argument as it would seem to be against God's nature not to give. The very essence of God is – “God is love”. And the simples definition of love is GIVE. But why is it that millions wait in vain for God to answer their payers?

I believe the answer to that perplexing question is that, fundamentally, prayer in the Spirit is restricted to the bounds of the will of God. 1 John 5:14 would substantiate this. “If we ask anything according to His will He heareth us...”My mind goes to North Korea, China, Laos, Vietnam, Iran, and many other difficult countries where millions of Christians endure terrible hardship and suffering. Watchman Nee spent the last 18 years of his life in prison and died without being released. Do you suppose Watchman Nee never thought about asking God to get him out of prison? Or do you think it was because Watchman Nee had sin in his heart that his prayers were never answered? Or maybe he didn't have faith enough. What about the thousands starving in North Korea. Don't you think that believers there are praying for food?

It is a pity that Joel Olsteen isn't the pastor of the 1^st Baptist Church in Pyongyang N. Korea. If ¾ of his church was in prison, tortured, starved, or killed it might change his message. Five tears ago the authorities in Savanaket, Laos, took 90 Christians (families, men, women, and children); put them put in the jungle, and deprived them of food and shelter until they renounced Jesus. After some time a few of them capitulated. With starving children it would be hard not to. But others held on. I never heard the final outcome. It was tragic that someone didn't send then some Kenneth Copeland CD messages. If they had only heard those messages they could have dined on lobster tail every night and ridden around in new Toyota pickup trucks. The prosperity message sounds terribly ludicrous in many of the countries where I have been in the past 15 years.

The obvious answer is that, within the Kingdom of God, God wills that some believers go through differing trails to accomplish His purposes, and bring maximum glory. The church in Smyrna was called upon to suffer poverty, persecution, and death ( Rev. 2:8-11). The Lord established for Himself the testimony of the 1^st century church to suffer persecution. It is hard to imagine those believer not earnestly praying for provision and protection that didn't come. Tens of thousands were slaughtered. In Cambodia, 80% of the Christians in the CMA were killed during the Pol Pot era. What can we say about that? What about the thousands in the Middle East today? There is only one answer. It was the will of God for them to glorify God that way. Sometime God withholds His hand because He is doing a special work in our hearts. And sometime He does it just because that is the best way to glorify His Name. I am sure there was a great deal of prayer for protection for Jim Elliot and his four brethren when they went to that place to reach the Aka Indians. Their death looked like a huge tragedy, but history has proved that those men accomplished a hundred times more through their death than ever could have been accomplished by fifty productive years of missionary work.

For unanswered prayer, God has His own mind of what He is doing and we can kick and scream to no avail unless we are living within the confines of what He wants for us at that time. Jesus sent a message to John when he was in prison – “Blessed is he whosoever shall not be offended in Me.” (Lk. 7:23) I am not offended with the Lord. The Lord knew exactly what He was doing everyday last week when I prayed day after day with seeing no answer. Maybe He was waiting until Pammy hocked her I pad to establish that testimony.

I say we have not received $1 of support from Japan or the US for three months, but the Lord has provided a lovely brother here in town who has provided for us. As soon as he heard about the I pad the next day he gave us sufficient funds to redeem that, and buy a great deal of food that we hadn't had for some time. Samuel Rutherford said Jesus has His own gate where He will come in. We wait at one gate and He comes in at another. I was waiting at the faith gate for miraculous funds to come from some unexpected source. But the funds came from a gate that I do not like, of – playing on the sympathy of kind hearted friends. To me this is a denial of faith and dishonoring to Christ. But that is how relief came this time. The fact that God used the fleshly means of sharing needs to play upon the sympathy of others, is another indication that indeed God has given me a pink slip.

The only hope that I see for a renewed ordination is that Pastor Hanook is calling me frequently from Pakistan, insisting that God has told him I am coming to work with him. God knows my heart. I have told both Brother Hanook and Jesus repeatedly that I will go this afternoon if the Lord will send me. For that, there must be a very large financial provision, and a visa. And also, perhaps, my health. I am no longer a robust 38 year old man. I am not a quarter of the man that I was four months ago. My heart is young, but my body is not keeping up. But I am good enough to get on an airplane. And God knows that I would joyfully preach my heart out for Jesus in Pakistan. That would be like life from the dead. Perhaps it is just romantic flesh, but there is in my heart a great desire to go to Pakistan to attack the Taliban. I would love to take them on. I believe the forces of evil should tremble before the Gospel of our Lord Jesus. It would probably take an expendable turkey to do it. Lord, why not me? But God knows...

What can I say? You can take the balloons and whistles home with you after my pity- party. Goman nasai.

Still clinging to Jesus,

                                            bill

PS: I will not accept any donations that come in as a result of this pity-party. Praise the Lord you have no way of getting it here.

PS #2: Even if it is a pink slip, if it has Jesus Name on it, it is GOOD and something to thank God for.

How much does Christ have of me?

19 October 2014

Dear Phyllis,

For several days, Pammy was telling me that Wednesday night we had to go to a meeting. There was a very outstanding doctor who was speaking here in town and Pammy's sister was coming up from Lampaun in a bus load of Christians to be at this meeting. Pammy told me that the speakers main message was the need of Christians to be baptized with fire. Amen! I couldn't agree more. In a terrible age of lethargy the one great need to cure that is fire. But as I thought about this I wondered how many Christians have I ever known who were truly baptized with fire.

The only one that I knew where I had any contact was a strange event in Waijima on the west coast of Japan in 1966. I had been invited to go over there a couple of times for special meetings. At one meeting I felt distinctly led of the Lord to preach a message on “If your hand offend you, cut it off” (Mk. 9:43). I had a good time preaching, but absolutely no response from the crowd. Three weeks later I got a letter from Cliff Lenard, the missionary there, to hurry back – they were having revival. An act of God exclusively by the Holy Spirit. The interpretor for the meeting was a very fine young man, who did what I thought was a good job interpreting. I would have given him high points as a Christian worker. But after that meeting, Yokohama san went to his room, and the Holy Spirit spoke to him about a number of things in his life. The result of that encounter with Christ was that Yokoyama san came out so much on fire for God, that we was leading people to Christ at an unprecedented rate. He begged me to come to Waijima that we might work together, but the Lord never led me in that direction.

Twenty five years later I was attending the summer missionary conference in Karuizawa when, after one evening meeting, I was leaving the church building, I heard a young missionary calling his wife, “Quick, quick; over here! He is over here.” ; and he came running up to me. This young couple had been at a Japanese conference, and heard the speaker give his testimony how, as a young man, he had been the interpretor for Bill Cook and heard the message, “If your right hand offend you – cut it off”. That changed his life. Some time later I was working with another Japanese pastor and asked him if he had ever heard of a Yokoyama sensei. To my amazement, Kawasaki san answered, “Is there anyone in Japan who doesn't know Yokoyama sensei?” He had written a number of books, and was one of the top pastors in Japan. I had completely lost contact with Yokoyama san, and was stunned to hear that that was the pivotal moment of his life, and he had gone on to be famous. That is the kind of baptism of fire that I am all for.

I was curious about the meeting Wednesday night, but Pammy knew nothing about who was sponsoring it. When we got to the hotel where the meeting was, I suspected it was probably somewhat charismatic. We were early and the music team was still practicing. As I watched the American who had come to be in charge of the music, I thought, by his spirit, that I knew what was going to happen. Also on the screen up front was the title REVIVAL. Pammy told me that the speaker was a brain surgeon from Seattle, but when I saw him I protested that he was no American. He obviously was Thai but was practicing in Seattle. I got the impression that he was the Thai equivalent of Dr. Ben Carson. Being a brain surgeon speaker immediately gave him a lot of points in my mind.

Perhaps the thing that impressed me the most all that evening was not the meeting but the people who were there. I asked Pammy to give me her guess of the number, and she suggested 700. She probably was pretty close. There were certainly well over 500. The place was packed. The singing, praise, time was really good. I wondered if I had ever been in a meeting like it, where it seemed everyone there was totally on the same page in worshiping Jesus. I mean to tell you it was one good meeting. The fact that this was not a Thai evangelist, but a world-class brain surgeon gave Dr. Warun top points even before he started. Predictably, his message was very good. Pammy usually doesn't even tell me the name of people who come to have dinner with us, but that night she out-did herself in giving me a pretty good gist of the message. He was also using the power points of projecting his scripture on the screen up front. I could follow the scripture, and it was good. Had I been Thai, I probably would have thought it to be an outstanding message. There were a couple of challenges of showing hands. The response was nearly 100%. The only reason I didn't raise my hand was because I didn't know what the question was. Towards the end, he gave another invitation that was the kind of thing you would have to be pretty back-slid not to respond. We had taken Pammy's recent convert, Nok and her daughter. Nok was one of the first ones on her feet, and grabbed me to go forward. Again, the only reason I didn't go was because I didn't know what the invitation was, and I didn't feel I could get more committed to Jesus by going forward than I was that morning in my daily devotions. For an invitation song, the American song leader was on the stage singing, “I have decided to follow Jesus”. Amen! I like that. The response to the invitation was overwhelming. It looked like half the auditorium was standing up front.

I don't know why, but somewhere in the middle of the message Pammy and her sister had gone out of the auditorium. They missed the last 15 minutes, and when the meeting was over, they still hadn't comeback. Both of them had left their hand bags on their chairs. Nok and I had to take their bags with us when we left. The large crowds was milling around, but generally making their way out of the auditorium. Nok and her daughter and I went out into the large hall in front of the auditorium, and looked in vain for Pammy and her sister. They were gone so long I wondered if they had gone out to get some pizza or perhaps went to a movie. At last Nok said she would go look for them in the huge crowd still milling around. But then she didn't come back. I noticed that about 30 meters to the left an enormous single file line had formed going back into the auditorium.

One hour after the meeting was over Pammy finally showed up, and asked if I had got the fire. I said, “Yes, I have quite a bit of fire. I am doing my best to keep as cool as possible, but the longer I wait the hotter the fire gets”. Another hour later Nok and Pammy's sister finally came out. By that time I had figured out what was going on. But I was mystified at the way they were handling it. Obviously, the single file line was for people who wanted to get the fire. I had never seen anything like it. I never saw such a responsive, seeking, crowd. The line must have been several hundred long, and they obviously were dealing with them one at a time. I thought, “This will take all night”. When Nok finally showed up I asked, “Well, did you get slain in the spirit?”

It wasn't until the next morning that Pammy debriefed me and explained what had happened the night before. As I suspected, the line was a knockout line. Everyone was getting slain in the spirit. I asked, “How long was Nok out?” Thirty minutes. And Pammy sister was on the floor even longer. I asked Pammy, “Did you get slain in the spirit?” She said when the speaker laid his hand on her head she acted like everyone else and laid down, But she didn't like it and got up pretty soon to come out.

Pammy was a wako Pentecostal when we were married, but I am amazed how closely we are coming together now. I am stunned at what she doesn't know about charismatic. I know vastly more about the Pentecostal movement for the past 60 years than she does. She knew next to nothing about slain-in-the-spirit and said her Pentecostal church did not encourage tongues. I was deeply impressed when she told me that the main thing is not to get a jolt at a meeting but by daily feeding on Jesus, asking Him to fill you every morning. AMEN!!!

In retrospect I don't know how to assess the meeting. It would be hard to say that Dr. Warun, and everyone there were not very earnest Christians. But, if this was in the secular world, I would charge them with false marketing. In their hearts I don't know what they think they are marketing, but I all honesty, I don't see how they could say that these people on the floor were baptized with fire. The phenomenon of slain-in-the-spirit is a mystery to me. The most significant thing I have ever seen is a You Tube by Andrew Strom on “Warning Kundalini demon spirit”.This is the most authentic documentary tracing this phenomenon back to Hinduism in India. Some friends have testified that they received some benefit from being knocked out, but I believe it is safe to say that they overwhelming majority of those on the floor were not significantly different the next morning. Nok called Pammy the next day, and Pammy complained that she is selfish trying to use her. Thirty minutes on the floor didn't alter her selfishness. I seriously doubt that the spiritual temperature of those on the floor was one degree higher the next morning. I would be surprised if they went out on fire for God and won souls like Yokoyaman san.

I have seen the Pentecostal movement go through significant changes in the past 60 years. If we talk about the necessity of being filled with the Holy Spirit I could not agree more. This is the duty of every believer in Christ. But the evidence of being filled is a point of major divergence. One thing it certainly is not, is the exercise of the least of the spiritual gifts. Anyone who insists that this is the infallible proof of being filled with the Holy Spirit is scripturally off and and in a spiritual ditch. Fifty years ago the name-of-the-game was the baptism of the Holy Spirit. This was to be sought after salvation. To experience that, someone had to have an ecstatic experience with the Holy Spirit and suddenly speak in tongues. I think it is interesting that what they are talking about today is not the baptism of the Holy Spirit. The name-of-the-game now seems to be entirely being knocked out (slain-in-the-spirit). Incontestably, their message today is the “anointing”. And they are not preaching Jesus. This seems to be something as if it was an object apart from the Holy Spirit. No thank you. I am not interested.

One of the main selling points of the anointing is POWER, Who doesn't want power? Who is satisfied with their spiritual power to see healing and miracles? For many years I earnestly asked the Lord for more power, but now that is far from my mind. Perhaps I am wrong but I am not interested in more spiritual power. The main driving force in my heart today is not what I have of Christ, but how much does He have of me.This is what I beg God for everyday – for Him to possess more of me. I cannot express my spiritual convictions more accurately than what AB Simpson did for us when he wrote that classic hymn,“One It Was The Blessing”

	Once it was the blessing,   Now it is the Lord; Once it was the feeling,   Now it is His Word; Once His gift I wanted,   Now, the Giver own; Once I sought for healing,   Now Himself alone.
	All in all forever,    Only Christ I’ll sing; Everything is in Jesus,      And Jesus is everything
2	Once ’twas painful trying,   Now ’tis perfect trust; Once a half salvation,   Now the uttermost; Once ’twas ceaseless holding,   Now He holds me fast; Once ’twas constant drifting,   Now my anchor’s cast.
3	Once ’twas busy planning,   Now ’tis trustful prayer; Once ’twas anxious caring,   Now He has the care; Once ’twas what I wanted,   Now what Jesus says; Once ’twas constant asking,   Now ’tis ceaseless praise.
4	Once it was my working,   His it hence shall be; Once I tried to use Him,   Now He uses me; Once the pow’r I wanted,   Now the Mighty One; Once for self I labored,   Now for Him alone.
	Once I hoped in Jesus,   Now I know He’s mine; Once my lamps were dying,   Now they brightly shine;

Amen??? I can't express it better. That is where I stand. Lord have Your way in me.

                                                                               bill

Bible Discussion

12 October 2014

Dear Phyllis,

The other day Paul said he didn't care for testimony letters but preferred more Bible discussion. In the absence of anything significant going on here this week let me drop back and try to discuss a little of where I am spiritually.

The latest subject that I have been challenged to delve into is intimacy with Christ. One obvious reason for this is my Samuel Rutherford readings. I have never read, or heard, anything from anyone who spoke more of his personal relationship with Jesus. In one letter Rutherford wrote, “At times it seems like Jesus has left the Throne in heaven, and the court of worshiping angels, to come down to personally dine with me.”

Unfortunately, Rutherford letters are shrouded in spiritual code. The code is the Song of Solomon. If someone is not familiar with Song of Sol., much of what Rutherford writes would be meaningless. But for anyone, for whom S. of S. is personal, those letters are enormously instructive. We are all familiar with the basic Christian doctrine that all Christians are the Body of Christ – which is the Bride of Christ. If we accept that the S. of S. is the story of a marriage relationship, and place Jesus in the center, it becomes the most instructive book about our relationship with Jesus in the Bible. To me it is crystal clear. The Lord has taught me more doctrine through this book than any other book in the Bible.

There are three passages that, at a superficial reading, appear to be identical. But at a closer inspection we see that they are significantly different. I am sure I have shared all of this with you before, but I never tire of repeating it. They are S. of S. 2:16, 6:3, and 7:10. In 2:16 we see the Bride saying, “My Beloved is mine and I am His...”. But in 6:3 she says, I am my beloved and my Beloved is mine...”. The order has been reversed. Certainly there is nothing wrong for a new believer to joyously sing, “Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine...” Oh that is wonderful! But as we go on with the Lord, a far more wonderful truth becomes dominant – “I am my Beloved's...” This is Christian maturity. But the cap stone in 7:10 is where the believer, in great wonder, expresses, “I am my Beloved's and His desire is towards me”. I have never got that far. Intellectual I know it, but spiritually it has never become real to me. There is no way I can grip that. That seems utterly impossible. How Jesus could desire the likes of me is inconceivable.

John (the gospel). There is nothing like John. In his entire book John never once referred to himself by name. He always referred to himself as “that disciple”. But from chapter 13 on he uses a special title as the “disciple whom Jesus loved: (13:23, 19:26, 20:2, 21:7, and 21:20). Gomen nasai; I know I have mentioned this many times but I never get over it. How I admire John! How I long to have his heart! But to place myself in his position as the one who is the object of the love of Christ, just doesn't fit.

I have no problem accepting that God wrote my name in His Book of Life before He made the world. I have no problem in accepting that, in eternity past, God had in His mind that someday He would make a man by the name of bill cook, save him, and place him in Christ. It would be a rejection of reality to deny that. But in the grand scheme of God, I see myself as one atom in a universe of untold millions of souls who will be in heaven worshiping the Lamb of God. The only scene that I can construct in my mind is with me standing in the back row of heaven with my hands raised worshiping and wondering that He saved me. But a one-on-one relationship with Jesus in heaven is beyond me.

One time I said to Bob Holsten, “I doubt that I will ever see the face of Jesus. From my position in the back row I am afraid it is so far up front that it is doubtful that I could see His face with 10X power binoculars.” Bob wisely replied, “Yes, it is a problem imagining how we can get near to Jesus, but that does not restrict His ability to get near to us.” Brilliant response. As I have been wrestling with the issue of my marriage relationship with Jesus, I find it impossible to make any advancement by looking at myself. The only way I can conceive that such a thing is possible, I must look at His heart.

Joseph's brethren never were able to feel comfortable with Joseph. Even after Jacob was dead, they cooked up a false story, and went to Joseph saying, “Dad made a request that you would take revenge on us” (Gen 50:16, 17). When Joseph heard that, he burst into tears. He said, “Forget it. You meant it for evil but God meant it for good” (Bill Cook translation). They never knew his heart. That is my problem. I struggle with a Joseph's brethren mentality.

The strongest verse I know in the Bible is S. of S. 4:9 where we see Jesus exclaiming “Thou hast ravished My heart. My sister, My spouse”. When I first read that verse, that blew my mind. For weeks I wrestled, “How in the world can something like this be true?”. Then the Lord took me back to Genesis 50 to look at Joseph and his brethren. It was then that I began to get a small grip on it. The answer to that mystery is not in us, but in the heart of Jesus. Recently I have been looking more at the believers in China. When I look at those You Tube clips of The Cross in China, of Chinese Christian worshiping, I can identify with S. of S. 4:9. I can easily see where those Christians could ravish the heart of Christ. They certainly tear up my heart. I weep every time I see it. And as I look at their faces and hear their testimonies, I have no trouble in understanding how Jesus loves every one of them personally with equal love.

A mother with 15 children can love each child individually just as if that was her only child. She might have trouble getting 15 kids to sit on her lap at one time, but as she goes through the day, she can pick up each child, and spend ten minutes with that child like he (she) was the only thing in her heart. That one-on-one relationship of the mother and child is intensely personal to the child, and it is equally personally to the mother. When Rutherford writes, “At times it is as Jesus leaves the Throne of heaven to come down to dine with me'”, his relationship with the Lord is intensely one-on-one personal. I cannot say that the Lord has deserted me. The mystery is, that as I sit out on my balcony having devotions with the Lord, nearly daily, there are moments when the presence of the Lord is so intense that I am reduced to silence and tears. Rutherford speaks much of the Lord's coming and goings. I find myself identical with Rutherford's experience. I am strongly convinced that spiritual encounters with Christ are very fluctuating. Everything in life is in a constant state of movement. The tides go up and down. The sun move north and south. Women's bodies change every month. And everything in life is moving back and forth. I find this to be very true in my daily meeting with Jesus. The sense of His presence fades in and out.

It is indescribably tragic that the intimate act of marriage has been so foully perverted and degraded that sex is a filth concept. Our minds are so corrupted that it is almost impossible for us to read some passages of the S. of S. without embarrassment and repulse. One night I was preaching in Mino Mission with Betty Whewell interpreting. I announced, “Tonight I would like to share with you some precious truths from the Song of Sol”. Silence. Then Betty turned to me and said, “This is a book that we should never discuss in public. We should only read it privately in our bedroom”. I had a great time preaching that night. Ug. Even I am embarrassed as I read Samuel Rutherford in describing his relationship with the Lord. He uses some terribly personal expressions. But the Holy Spirit was not embarrassed, or apologetic, when He inspired this book. There was great purpose in every word He dictated to Solomon. It is only as we have a sanctified mind that He is able now to explain what He meant when He wrote this precious book to us. And, of course, spiritual things are spiritual – not physical. The physical is only the shadow or picture of the spiritual. There is a great deal of mention of the breasts. Watchman Nee suggests that the breasts are love and faith. I believe he is right. Love and Faith are the two things associated with the chest (heart).

It is my intense conviction that the marriage relationship is exactly the relationship that the Lord intends to have with His people. The very fact that the Body of Christ is the Bride of Christ would incontestably establish that. And after Paul gives his detailed instruction of the various responsibilities between a husband and wife in Eph. 5, he concludes with the remark, “But this is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” (Eph. 5:32). I believe that there was a purpose, when God created man, and placed in him the strongest hormonal drives between male and female, that was to be the magnet and glue to establish and maintain the marriage relationship. That is why adultery and sexual perversion is such a serious crime. The place I see that the strongest is among the Mennonites. They have cut themselves off from the world. They have no TV or anything remotely marginal in their homes. They live such a separated life that it is almost impossible for young people to get onto sin. I am sure the vast majority of Mennonites are pure when they go into a marriage relationship. And consequently, I believe the Mennonites have the greatest marriages going today.

In the marriage relationship, the ultimate intimacy is, of course, becoming one flesh. What is that in our relationship with Christ? As I have asked the Lord about this, I believe He has told me it is oneness. This is a major theme in our Lord's prayer in John 17 (Jn. 17:11, 21, 22, 23). This, of course, is not ecumenical oneness. That is of the devil. The greatest place we see oneness is the relationship between the Father and the Son. This is what makes Jesus the Son of God. Time and again He referred to Himself as being one with the Father. That is the very essence of the unity in the Trinity. They are One because they are one. When the Scripture speaks of Jesus as being “the express image of His Person”, and “He is the image of the enviable God” (Heb. 1:3, Col. 1:15), that does not mean He looks like God. Being the express image of His Person means that He is exactly like the Father's character. When we say, “like father like son”, we mean their character is the same.

I consistently get blessed when I think of the oneness between the Father and the Son. Small wonder the Father spoke from heaven, “Thou art my Son in whom I am well pleased” (Mk. 1:11). The simplest expression is to say that the Father and Son were one heart. In their emotions, thoughts and wills they were identical. When Jesus is praying in John 17:21, “That they all might be one; as Thou Father art in Me, and I in Thee, that they also might be one in us”;He is not praying that Christians get along together, but that they might be of the same ONE HEART with God, that Jesus is with the Father. Will this ever happen? Yes.

The Scriptural teaching about the Old Man and New Man is clear. Jesus dealt with the Old Man at Calvary. He terminated Adams history. The New Man is the union of the Holy Spirit with the spirit of man. The New Man is perfect. He has the very nature of the Holy Spirit. The Old Man may follow us to the gates of heaven, but he cannot go in. The only one that can enter heaven in the New Man. When that happens humanity will be perfectly one with deity. But oh that we knew more of this oneness with Jesus now. I believe it is possible, and as we enter more into this relationship we will experience more of what it is to truly be joined to Jesus as His Bride.

Oh what grace is this?

                                              bill

Gina

5 October 2014

Dear Phyllis,

Last week I was lamenting that the Lord has placed me on a dusty shelf, and it has been a long time since the Lord has pleased to use me for anything significant. In reflecting on that, my mind went back to the last time the Lord used me in seeing someone saved. The best that I could come up with was Gina Crane five years ago. Gina was truly one of the major events in my life.

About six years ago there was a famous incident here in Chiang Mai where a foreign lady had shot and killed her gaijin (foreign) husband. That was huge news covered in the Bangkok Post, in all the international wire services, and reportedly on CNN. We were all a buzz wondering how anyone could get it in the prison to lead this poor soul to Christ. I was stunned six months later when my dear friend Dave Moore's wife, Joyce, met the woman in prison, saved and baptized her. What a strike! About that time my friend, Scott Noble, was also working in the ladies prison and met Gina every week. Gina was deeply involved in the occult and would argue with Scott as he tried to explain salvation through Christ to her. She frankly admitted that the reason she accepted Christ under Joyce was to add another god to her list. She thought, "the more gods the better". One day Scott told her the testimony of the Vietnamese general, Tha Dam, who died an unbeliever and came back from the dead a born-again man. That one rocked her. She asked Scott, "Could you please bring in that man who personally knows the general and have him talk to me?"

In 2003, the top North Vietnamese general, Tha Dam, died on Christmas day in a hospital in Saigon slam full of cancer. Two hours later he came back from the dead healed and a born-again man. His son-in-law was the man who was working with our teams who were going into Vietnam, and I frequently heard of his testimony from our teams. Of course I had a great desire to talk to him personally, but I was on blacklist in Vietnam at the time, and it was a year later before I was finally able to get back to Vietnam. When I arrived in Saigon, his son-in-law met me and took me straight over to the general's house. When the general met me he said, "Bill, we want you to make this place your home in Saigon. It is illegal for foreigners to stay in national's homes, but the police don't hassle me, and you are welcomed here". I spent a most interesting five days staying with the general listening to his life story, and amazing testimony how he got saved. While I was staying with him, he decided to start a church in his own home, and it was my great privilege to preach the first message in that church.

It was a few months later that Scott asked me to go with him to the ladies prison to speak with Gina. Scott was mad. She had argued with him for six months standing toe to toe against anything he had to say to her. But when she met me she sat there like a little bird with her mouth wide open begging to be fed. After spending an hour with her, I told Scott, "That woman is slam full of demons, and needs to read Neil Anderson's book Bondage Breaker". Scoot bought her the book and Gina devoured it. She said she was on every page, and asked Scott if he could have Bill come back to cast demons out of her. I did go in the next week. I told Gina I could easily cast those demons out of her, but that would do no good. They would come right back in. I said, "What you need is light". That started a most unusual period on both of our lives. For the next two years I went with Scott every week to the ladies prison, and spent two hours a time discipling, teaching, and fellowshipping with Gina.

That prison was utterly ridiculous. For the first year I had no authorization and no reason to be there whatsoever. I would go with Scott, hand the guard at the main gate an expired California drivers license, and walk in. The female guards there were incredible. Technically the only way Gina could have visitors was 15 minutes a day, in a special room, talking through glass. As it was, we would sit at a table, like we were in a coffee shop, discussing the Bible for two hours. I considered all the guards personal friends. I told them, "You guards are a disgrace to your profession. You are supposes to be mean and ugly, and as vicious as junk yard police dogs; but instead of that you are so sweet, charming, and helpful you are ruining the reputation of prison guards. This place is supposed to be filled with hatred and deep hardness, but instead of that, it is more cheerful in here than a church. What kind of a prison is this?" Oh those guards were wonderful! I had no authorization to be there but they gave me the run like I was the warden.

But oh my goodness - Gina! I have never seen anyone take hold of the Lord harder, with both hands, like she did. She tore into the Scripture like a famished soul eating a steak. She was filled with questions, and Scott kept her well supplied with the finest Christian books. Being in prison, she had nothing to do each day but read the Bible, Christian literature, and pray. Within a year she was more familiar with the Christian classics than most pastors. It is to Scott's credit that he kept her supplied with the finest books and her knowledge of Christian literature was encyclopedic.

It was my great pleasure to be able to nurse a new-born soul through her first early development to a mature believer. Going in there every Wednesday was the high light of the week. That was more fun than church. She hadn't been saved too long when she asked me about baptism one day."What is baptism? Isn't that something where you are supposed to wash your sins away?" I told her some people look at it that way. Then she went on, "When I was baptized by Joyce, there were five of us. I was last. If those previous four washed off their sins, and then I got in that filth water, what does that do to me?" I had to laugh at her child-like simplicity, but spiritually things were growing in her very fast.

Gina was no cold-blooded killer. She was married to a horrible man. She had six children by him. He was a very swathe fellow, but a cultist, and called himself Jesus. You name it - anything you can think of that is disgusting and evil - and he was the animation of it. One night he was at a restaurant with another woman, and Gina showed up. An argument ensued, and he pulled a gun on her. In the subsequent fight, he dropped the gun and ran. Gina picked up the gun and shot him. The only thing she did wrong was that she should have killed him years sooner, but the Lord will forgive her for that. Because of the unusual nature of that incident, the Thai court graciously ruled it more or less self-defense, and gave her only three years in prison. I was with her for most of two of her three years, and saw her off at the airport. It was beautiful. Tears flowed as I looked at that beautiful, radiant, woman, who three years before had been used of a vile cultist, and herself filled with demons; but now she was the picture of Christ living in a victorious heart, clothed in a snow white robe washed in the Blood of Jesus. (The robe was inside. She had street clothes on at the airport.)

After the murder incident and arrest, her eldest daughter, Angel, stepped forward to take legal custody for the five younger siblings. Angel had taken the other four children back to Canada. In answer to Gina's prayers, the Lord had saved Angel, and she was an active member in a very good church in Vancouver, Canada.

Gina, was one of the most amazing converts that I had ever had the privilege of playing some small part in their salvation and establishment in Christ. She has always credited me as her spiritual father, but she really belongs more in Scoots basket than mine. I just happened to come along at the right time with the right message for her. But her testimony, her spiritual stature, and gifts marked her as unusual. I fully expected shortly after she got back to Canada, she would write a best selling book, and be a popular speaker traveling around North America sharing her testimony, and winning souls. I was wrong

During her three year period of incarceration the greatest burden and pain of her heart was her children. Once she had found Christ for herself, the pain of her failure in not raising her children right, weighed heavily on her heart. The one great consuming passion of her heart was to get her children back and try to make up for the years she had directed them in the wrong direction. I was full of optimism when she got on the plane here in Chiang Mai. Neither one of us was prepared for the nightmare that awaited her at home.

Angel was the oldest and had suffered the worst in the black scenario with her father. She had some very serious emotional scars from that former life, and she somewhat blamed her mother for it. It was hard for her to believe the deep transformation of her mother's new-birth and was fearful that, once home, Gina would revert to her former character. Angel had the legal custody for the younger five children, and refuses to allow her mother to have access to them. This was a heartache totally unanticipated. She had looked forward for two years of having the warmth of a Christian home, and now she found herself locked out in the cold that was worse than the Thai prison. Gina would write me from time to time sharing the agony she was going through. Recently it has been a long time since hearing from her. About eight months ago Scott was able to get both of us together on the phone where I was able to talk to her. She still seemed positive but had not emerged from her tunnel yet. The other day I sent her the following letter.

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Dear Gina,

How I would like to talk with you. When you were in the Institute I told you that the day would come when you would become nostalgic and wish you were back. I can't speak for you, but those were very good days for me. What a joy it was to see the Lord reveal Himself to you and daily discover the riches that are in Christ!

I have been surprised at the path the Lord has led you on since leaving Chiang Mai. I fully expected that He would give you a very large ministry. Instead of that, He has given you a large portion of sorrow. Samuel Rutherford wrote “Grace grows best in winter”. That being true, He has given you many frosty months. I am not a prophet and, cannot tell you what the Lord has in store for you from here on, but I do know that He has chosen you for Himself and He is jealous of your love. If He has taken from you some of the joys of this world, it may be that He is making room for Himself in your heart.

I have found that the Lord has some very different ways. Rutherford said that Jesus has His own gate where He will come in. We wait for Him at one gate, but He comes in a different way. I am sure you are finding that to be true in your life.

Dear Gina, I have no idea how it is with your soul today, but all I can tell you is that Jesus is of unspeakable worth. Treasure Him. In Song of Sol. 3:4 we read where the Bride says, “But I found Him whom my soul loveth; I held Him, and would not let Him go.” Close the door. Don't let Him leave. The Lord has done an unusual thing for you. You are one of the most special persons it has been my privilege to know. If there is anything else in your hands, put it down so that you can grip Jesus with both hands. If you do this, He will bring you into a relationship with Himself that is beyond your highest dreams.

You may feel like you are in an airplane at 35,000 feet going through a thunder storm, being bounced off the ceiling, and wondering how much more this bird can take. Jesus never promised us balmy weather every day. But these storms will pass and we will see that He was doing a very special purpose in our lives through these hardships.

You are in my thoughts and prayers daily. It would be great to hear from you.

Your grateful brother,

In the bonds of our wonderful Lord Jesus,

                                                                                                          bill

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Written from my dusty shelf. Arigato, bill